DP bought us a house without telling me

[Sevensummers]

I have been with DP for 10 years. He didn’t have a place at the time but he had a van which he was living out of. I was a single mother of 3 when I met him and lived in a Johnnie Johnson house (housing association). DP moved in with me pretty much instantly. I always wanted to own my own home but being single with 3 kids didn’t leave me much room money wise and never seemed possible.

It was something that we spoke about from time to time but after 10 years together I realised he was never going to commit to buying a house with me and just left it. Long story short, I found out he has bought a house. I was so angry because I thought he bought it for himself as a plan to get away from me and has just been using me for a place to live until he has somewhere of his own. I felt so hurt that we had spoken about buying a house and he has just got one for himself. I confronted him about it and he said it’s for us both to live in and he didn’t want to tell me because he wanted to save me the stress of looking for a house and putting in offers and getting outbid and being disappointed, and all of the stress that comes with the buying process.

I don’t believe him because it’s only his name on all of the documents. This would not be our house it would be his. He wants me to come but then I would just be living in his house. I would have to give up the housing that I have now which is a three bedroom in a nice area and move into his house. I am very very hurt and feel so betrayed that he has done this behind my back. The thing is, I can’t afford to live on my own anymore. My two youngest still live with me so I would Aldo be uprooting them from their home, to his. His income pays for a lot of bills so if I tell him I’m not moving in, I honestly don’t know how I’ll afford to live. But I don’t feel like I can give up all that I have to move in with him when he’s been so sneaky and dishonest. I am really feeling heartbroken

He has betrayed you and that must hurt.

Not sure what invisible ink post you have been reading, or you are just being obstreperous and nasty, but never has the OP ever mentioned that the cock-lodger is paying the majority of any bills. In fact, it is totally the opposite.

Imagine denigrating other's comprehension when you, yourself, lack it at even pre-school level.😆

I wonder if you are a cock lodger or THE cock lodger in this case? There must be a reason you are telling so many lies.

Even if he did put you on the deeds (doesn't sound likely) you'd still be in a similar position when you decided to leave - and it's likely you will. Your eyes have been opened now so you will start noticing other things. If you decided to leave you'd still need to be the one that moved out and would have lost your secure home. You might get a bit of money back eventually but what about the mean time. You don't just get handed a half share on the day you move out. Could take a significant time and legal fees. I have a Monday to Friday job and do something totally unrelated (bar work) on the weekend which helps me a lot as a single parent. You will get benefited as a single person and at least for youngest dc. There are lots of ways to cut back.

💯⬆THIS!⬆

If your 17 year old is planning on going to uni are you aware that for student loan purposes both yours and DP's incomes are taken into account for student loan purposes? It sounds like your DC would get full maintenance loan on your income alone but there would be an expectation of a possibly significant top up if based on yours & DP's. Is DP going to help with that? It's wrong on so many levels but it is the system. Just thought it worth mentioning as it could be another area you are financially disadvantaged in the near future by staying with a DP who seems to have massively taken advantage over a long period of time. Stay in your secure housing and see what you're entitled to claim.

He’s been a cocklodger and it’s taken ten years to notice that’s what has happened here .

He’s played a terrible game here .
He had proven he can’t be trusted . Ecenn of he did put your name on the house I still wouldn’t go no chance .
You have to end this relationship OP. Apply for benefits and take extra work if you have too, but don’t leave your and your kids home and security.

What's the legally binding position on property bought whilst in a relationship like yours?
They are unmarried. His house is his. His savings are his. Probably the car is his. There is no sharing of assets. She is legally entitled to zero. Nothing. Zilch.

Did he helped you to raise your kids? Do you feel like during those 10 years did he contributed enough to your house expenses? If yes, he was not using you. He just wanted to secure himself. If he will put your name on his house deeds, your kids will inherit a proportion. Maybe he doesnt want that. I wouldnt want my son to raise three kids that are no his and spend his entire life paying for a house for them.

Has she been depended on him financially for the past 10 years? Because if so, then he has contributed fairly to the household expenses.

Perhaps a second, third job and not waiting for a guy to pump his money would solve this problem.

To quote a previous poster:

"Are you writing these posts that are full of untruths and bullshite for attention or is it a total lack of reading comprehension skills.

OP has been paying 90% of the bills for the 10 years they have been together. The cock-lodger has never, ever paid his fair share, which is why HE could save money for a house."

My thoughts exactly. I nearly dropped my phone when I read this in the OP

You not only introduced him to your children after just two months but also MOVED HIM IN?????? WTAF

Horrible horrible man to abuse your generosity and save up for his own house and buy it behind your back. Buying a house takes effort and energy as well as funds. You deserve so much more.

Try reading all the OPs posts before posting shite. It's very easy to filter, just click on "Ops posts: See all" link in first post.

I was wondering about this. It could be that the OP would be better off financially if he moves out, even if she wishes to continue the relationship.

Agree. This man is not a safe bet at all 🚩

keep your house don’t give that up
but from his point of view he has no security you could kick him out today
if you bought a house together would you be in a position to contribute to the deposit and pay 1/2 the mortgage and maintenance or would he be paying for the lot a basically giving you 1/2 of it by putting you on the deeds

I don’t think there’s any winners in this situation and just a question of doing what’s best for you

Perhaps reading to comprehend would solve your problem.

Indeed.

His motivation to move in with OP straight away was to have free accommodation so that he could leech off OP for over a decade in order to squirrel away money to buy his own home. It is probably one of the less reprehensivle reasons to move in straight-away.

There are far worse scenarios where a new man is moved in quickly with young children. His plan could have been to use his money for alcohol and drugs. There was also the danger that he had deviant motivations towards her children.

The OP and her children got off lightly.

You admitted he paid the bills and you wouldn't have got by without him so he didn't use you at all - you both benefitted from the arrangement.

And it seems like he is the one that would end up paying for mortgage so why would he give half of it away? After all he is not the father, or even stepfather, to your three kids yet they would be entitled to inherit it and maybe he wants to leave it for his own kids when he has them?

You both contributed thus far and he isn't abandoning you but, to me, it seems like you want a freebie - you can't even pay your bills without him so will you pay the mortgage but you want half of HIS home?

Classic entitlement and gold digging. I don't blame him one bit. You are a walking red flag and HE should dump YOU.

Try reading all of the OPs posts before commenting (on this thread and the other) . It will stop you looking like a twat. She pays all the bills. She pays for her children. She is not the gold digger here.

His pays for food shopping and he pays for my car (insurance) for me as well.

You are expecting WAY too much from that poster. They enjoy making up stories, being nasty-azzed and telling "fibs". It's like watching "The Real World; Incel Version".

Take in a lodger to help cover his lost contribution .
Tell him to move into his house without you.
Honestly…. When people show you who they really are.. Don’t ignore it. I’m afraid you have been used, for 10 years!!!

Do not jump out of the fat and into the fire!!
Look as this as a new chapter in your life.
Dump the sneaky worm of a man. He’s not going to chase you. You know what to do.
You can, and must do it.
Good luck and be strong!

This. Bang on.

If the relationship fails, it's around 1-2 years to get rehoused at best. Look after yourself and kids first. Stay put