DP bought us a house without telling me

[Sevensummers]

I have been with DP for 10 years. He didn’t have a place at the time but he had a van which he was living out of. I was a single mother of 3 when I met him and lived in a Johnnie Johnson house (housing association). DP moved in with me pretty much instantly. I always wanted to own my own home but being single with 3 kids didn’t leave me much room money wise and never seemed possible.

It was something that we spoke about from time to time but after 10 years together I realised he was never going to commit to buying a house with me and just left it. Long story short, I found out he has bought a house. I was so angry because I thought he bought it for himself as a plan to get away from me and has just been using me for a place to live until he has somewhere of his own. I felt so hurt that we had spoken about buying a house and he has just got one for himself. I confronted him about it and he said it’s for us both to live in and he didn’t want to tell me because he wanted to save me the stress of looking for a house and putting in offers and getting outbid and being disappointed, and all of the stress that comes with the buying process.

I don’t believe him because it’s only his name on all of the documents. This would not be our house it would be his. He wants me to come but then I would just be living in his house. I would have to give up the housing that I have now which is a three bedroom in a nice area and move into his house. I am very very hurt and feel so betrayed that he has done this behind my back. The thing is, I can’t afford to live on my own anymore. My two youngest still live with me so I would Aldo be uprooting them from their home, to his. His income pays for a lot of bills so if I tell him I’m not moving in, I honestly don’t know how I’ll afford to live. But I don’t feel like I can give up all that I have to move in with him when he’s been so sneaky and dishonest. I am really feeling heartbroken

Gold digger. More like nickel miner.

That made me laugh WAY too hard!😆😆

To be fair this works both ways. Op has said she knows the relationship is over but she doesn't want to finish it as she fears the loss of financial security, so....

Agree with other comments, don’t give your home up, that’s your security.For him, to do this and not involve or even speak to you about it first, is a red flag.He was paying for food shopping, car insurance and brought you a car, l can imagine was a big help, however it would have cost him more to pay rent, council tax, utilities, by not doing this, has enabled him to save.Go with your gut instinct, l do understand, it’s a worry on how you would financially manage on your own, apparently you can take in a lodger, as long as you get permission, continue to live at the property and it’s your principal, main, residence.So as long as you’re upfront about it, there are ways around it.Good luck, don’t be pushed into anything, that doesn’t sit right.

I am sorry that you have been let down in this way. It sounds like your partner still thinks very much as a single person does. What are they going to do to enable you to trust them going forward. Do not relinquish any of your hard won security until there is an offer of equal rights that you cannot doubt. Find out from citizens Advice what you could be entitled to. Look out for a better paid job. Good luck!

He’s only bought a house because he’s lived with you for 10 years.
it is half yours.
however to do it on his name only is sneaky…..although how does it impact a HA place if you owned a house? Even if he was trying to save you from this he should have told you.
if he’s bought it for you then your name needs to go on as a tenant in common (so you own half). But only if you want it to.
is it mortgaged by the way or bought outright?

Do NOT move into his house. My sister was in this exact position, she moved in and 10 years later the relationship ended and she had nothing and nowhere to go. Her partner never put her on the deeds even though he promised to too.

If your partner had wanted you on the deeds he'd have done it from the start, don't trust him and give up your tenancy.

You are actually in a better position than you think. If you're struggling to pay for a 3 bed speak to the HA about downsizing, you will have lots of options for cheaper rented accommodation. There is nothing as valuable as financial independence, never be beholden to another person. Well done for seeing this situation for what it is.

I’m just wondering if he genuinely thought he was doing something amazing for you. You mention you had a conversation 5 years ago about commitment, house etc. Is it possible that he took that on board and wanted to surprise you, just was out thinking that you’d want to be part of the process of looking for and choosing a house?

If the above were to be true, that would also explain why he hasn’t yet put you on the deeds. Assuming he has got a mortgage, he would not have been able to do it as a surprise if in joint names.

He bought you a car outright which makes me think he could be a ‘grand gestures’ type of bloke.

Now don’t get me wrong, he should absolutely add you to the deeds BEFORE you gave up your house, but have you explained why that’s important and had a proper conversation? Or are you just posting a single response to a one off question?

We on here don’t know enough of the back story to judge if he’s really trustworthy or not, but most seem to have assumed he’s done this all for himself, but I do think there is a possibility he genuinely did want to do something amazing for you.

Its a tough one as you've been together 10 years , not like 2 or 3, I wouldn't move in until my name on the deeds, I guess as he was "surprising you" he wouldn't have got it in your name to start with as he would need your signature , have you seen the house? And is it near where you live already? What relationship does he have with your children? Hope all works out,

Do not give up your home! If he really meant it he would have involved you, something is up.

Please please please do not give up your home. He wants his house for himself. Even if you moved in with him, it will never feel like your home. Ditch the lying bd. Could you rent out a room, even for a few months? I do this but I’m not sure of the rules for HA.

Don’t do this! Stay in your home. I wouldn’t trust him at all! He’s been incredibly deceitful and you would leave yourself in a very vulnerable situation.

The only way this could be resolved, is if he rented His house out.
Then he could contribute 50/50 on yr living expenses.

You absolutely should not become co owner of His house, unless, perhaps there is a very substantial deposit, enough to give you a cash sum if you broke up. Even then I don't think it a good idea.

As I feel the relationship is clearly broken, and you should plan for life without him.

No. He bought himself a house. You have zero claim on this house and you would be stupid if you gave up your council house..

Yes, HAs do allow lodgers, check the tenancy agreement. I would recommend foreign students, there are organisations that help with placements, so if it doesn't work out there is a recourse. In some cases it doesn't even affect your single adult discount for council tax, check this with the local authority.

Its a tough one as you've been together 10 years , not like 2 or 3, I wouldn't move in until my name on the deeds

No, please ignore advice like this - don’t move in at all. Basic common sense is to keep your own secure tenancy instead of relying on this man you’re not even married to.

Do NOT move into his house. My sister was in this exact position, she moved in and 10 years later the relationship ended and she had nothing and nowhere to go. Her partner never put her on the deeds even though he promised to too.

Exactly, this will most likely be the rather predictable outcome. I live in a HA flat and no way would I move in with my partner until we’re getting married/buying somewhere together. If anything, in the future he can move into mine initially and rent his flat out.

What a horrible man. Please don't give up your house.

Ask him to rent it out and remain with you in the HA house until your youngest has moved out / gone to uni (decide what is appropriate) and before you move in with him get married (because then you automatically own half by law)/or get put on as co-owner of his house. I can just about understand him thinking it would be a nice surprise for you because you see this stuff on social media all the time... and maaaybe he thought if you're on the deeds you'd lose your rights to an HA house... but both are a stretch of the imagination. As others have said, you need to remain responsible towards your three kids, who remain your priority. If he's serious about you he'll see the error of his ways... if he's not then you haven't lost your home.

If he lives in his house and you stay over then you will be or could be entitled to Universal Credit dependent on wages. Don't give up your house until you trust him.

Nope. Not buying it. He's a twat.

He will never add you onto those deeds. If he’s saying he will, but only once you move in, that’s a delay tactic. I think the fact that he has done this at all is the end of the relationship. Stay in your secure HA home and let him move on into his own place on his own like he obviously had planned to.

If he did, he would be in a rush to put her on the deeds. If the OP comes back really soon with a thread update to say he has done so then I would be truly happy for her. It would be the perfect ending (though still a bit weird he didn't tell her before). But she definitely shouldn't make decisions putting her own security at risk based on that possibility.

Massive red flags Don't give up your home and security of tenure and end this relationship.

Please don't give up your home to move in with him. It's a massive red flag that he's done this behind your back & not added you to the paperwork. If he's serious about it being for you both then say you'll only consider moving in when he adds you to the ownership documents so you have an equal share. If he won't then you have your answer about carrying on the relationship.

If he really wanted to buy you a house to surprise you, he could have surprised you by telling you that he had saved up enough money for a house and then asked you to choose the house together, and then sign the house deeds together.
If you gave up your HA house, I've heard that it's difficult to get housed again if you willingly gave up your tenancy.
Hoping that it all works out for you and your children.
xx