Why don't women with kids force the dads to have them 50% of time?

[DontCheetoTheCheetah]

Disclaimer: I dont have kids and dont want them so prepared to accept my POV might be odd but...

...Just read a thread where a woman was talking about disputing maintenance costs with her ex and mentioned he never has his kids overnight, adding that its his choice.

Why wouldn't you just force them to have their kids? Im think if I were a mum I'd quite like to have half my time to just chill and have some downtime without my children? Or is it that when you have kids you cant bear to be wthout them?

What is wrong with you?

You genuinely think the child's welfare should come last??

There should be a law that makes it a criminal offence not to, and it should have a jail sentence.
Fathers shouldn't only be financially responsible for their kids, they should take on the life burden of them too.

but think it through logically. The law says you have to take on an equal burden of looking after your children. So:
what happens if one parent works away?
or is in the armed forces?
or is in prison?
or in hospital?

you can’t just say “but that’s different”. The law would be the law

A. Most mothers actively fight 50/50 custody (see current thread).

B. Often the man was the working parent and can't because of his job (which the other parent now relies on for maintenance).

Don't even know where he lives he is a high conflict prick who "loves his children more than life itself" yet he hasn't paid child support yet again he has also been on holiday twice this month he won't communicate with DS....

Apparently its all my fault he is taking it to court 🙄 (we split TEN YEARS AGO) it would be nice to get an hour or two off but no

Kids aren't a bloody house plant OP !

They have feelings and know when they're not wanted with someone who's been threatened with jail time if they don't have them.

What are your thoughts on this? Instead of banging on like a bot about jails?

Why would you deliberately put a child in that situation where you had to do that and then what? Try again because he's been investigated. You would then get looked at for sending your kids knowing they would be neglected.

As wind ups goes, this should run for a bit.

What about the kids? Do you honestly think it'd be good for the kids mental health to be forced, by law, to spend time with someone who wants nothing to do with them?

I understand where you’re coming from OP, and if I were separated/divorced, I would certainly want to be able to have a break from my children, but in reality it doesn’t often work like that.

If the father wants to have custody 50% of the time, there’s a good chance he is an engaged and decent father (not always, I’m sure).

You would only need to force 50/50 if the father didn’t want it- and if he didn’t want it then it wouldn’t be in the best interests of the children.

But yes, wouldn’t it be great if men weren’t able to walk away from their responsibilities so easily? I don’t think there is any way to change this (other than those of us who have sons trying our best to raise them into decent men).

Also - although i don't even want to bite about the logistics - how in the hell is having a father in jail going to help anyone?

His earnings will be zero (less £ contribution to the kids) and the mother will then def have to have the kids 24/7

Because my exh would purposely neglect them whilst they were in his sole care.

It's really easy to see that you don't have children, OP.

They're not commodities and it isn't possible to force men to look after them.

I've quickly read your posts op.

You're right, they SHOULD take responsibility for the lives they've created but they don't in many if not most cases (even the ones that are still with the mum!)

Even if legislation were in place to force them, this would have a horrific impact on the children concerned. There would be a high likelihood of neglect if not actual abuse which has long term devastating effects.

These are NOT good men we are talking about. These are selfish, angry often narcissistic and even abusive arseholes where often the kids are better off without them in their lives.

I speak from experience. I had no way of knowing this before I had my dd her dad seemed to be a good decent sensible man until his affair and our split at which point he turned into someone not only I, but his own family and close friends did not recognise. There are not always clear red flags.

What matters is the children, not making him step up for reasons of justice (much as that would be satisfying).

Or is it that when you have kids you cant bear to be wthout them?

It's that when you have kids you want them to be safe, with people who love and care for them, and to feel wanted.

I know you haven't got kids OP, but this isn't rocket science ...

Many reasons.

1. some women don’t want to co- parent to that extent. It’s often easier just to make all the decisions round schools, GP’s etc without having to get an ex’s input and agreement.
2. Some women enjoy a close relationship with their kids and feel reducing the relationship to 50:50 will affect it. My brothers ex was happy for 50:50, until she felt the dc were preferring their time there so she cut it back to EOW.
3. some women would rather have the CM than the overnights, or need the CM to pay for the home (see below)
4. often when family assets are split into two families, there aren’t enough resources to provide two family homes. So one parent, usually mum, stays in the family home while the other gets somewhere they can afford. Often with CM payments a mortgage isn’t possible, so they’re renting small flats, house sharing, or living with parents. This means there isn’t the space for the children to feel this is an equal home, and spending 50% of the week on an airbed or sharing with a sibling isn’t appropriate.

So your suggestion on how to force them is to enact a change in the law.

Why didn't they think of that?

You've hit the nail on the head there

Obviously there are kids whose fathers don't want anything to do with them (my own was a complete deadbeat, as in I didn't see him at all growing up, he just vanished).
But I'm assuming a lot of these dads who don't bother having their kids dont actively hate their kids or want nothing to do with them: instead they're just lazy and actively choosing not to, because they don't have to and there's no way of making them currently, so they just...don't. But if they were forced to, they'd just get on with it.

Aren't prisons already bursting at the seams, without having to accommodate all the feckless men who won't look after their children?

Op, how old are you, you come across as very young and naive.

So where would the child live 50% of the time when one parent is in prison? How would that parent then house themselves, their child and work with a criminal record?

Why do you have zero concern for the welfare of children?

But if they were forced to, they'd just get on with it

Sigh.

How do you propose enforcing this?

So as a child you think you should have spent 50% of your life with someone who didn’t want you?

So you'd rather the police tracked your deadbeat father down and forced him to care for you?

This isn't even naivety.

I'm not sure what to call it really.

Would you have felt safe, secure, wanted and protected by your own deadbeat dad, if he'd been forced to look after you 50% of the time?