Coming out as Bi to DH

[Scorchioo]

Just over a year ago I came out as bi to DH. A family member who had divorced her husband was now in a relationship with a woman. We were on the subject and I told DH I believed myself to be bisexual. When we first met DH knew that I had some attraction to women and that I had kissed women in the past.

It did not go down well. DH was almost sickened by what I told him and immediately started to text his mother as he “needed someone to talk to” I told him I wasn’t comfortable with his mother knowing and that if he needed to talk to someone I would be happy for him to confide in a friend instead. He said I can’t “control who he talks to” His mother is the type to use this information as a weapon against me.

DH then used graphic sexual language grilling me about all the stuff I would do to women. Would I ….. a woman etc. He kept saying he felt sick and if I was really bisexual he couldn’t remain married to me. He felt betrayed and acted like I had cheated on him.

I ended up backtracking and told him I was just confused and that my sexuality is fluid instead.

He then a few weeks after became hugely suffocating, physically touching me all the time and almost “love bombing” me.

We have not mentioned it since.

Has anyone got any experience with this sort of situation?

I like hetero sex. Deal with it.

ewwww.

It is also gross to tell women (or men) that they’re phobic for a sexual preference.

If you can only be sexually satisfied by a partner on the bases that they’ve never sexually experimented or even just thought about it in the past, and tell them that their past is disgusting enough to you that you’d leave them, well I guess we have different definitions of gross. Your sexuality is your own, it’s not based on someone else’s. Your heterosexuality isn’t called into question if your husband got a blow job from a man 20 years ago.

That isn’t what this is about though is it. It’s about a spouse announcing they have a different sexuality and have been dishonest their entire marriage.

I think for OP’s DH to be described as homophobic or biphobic is grossly unfair. If my DH came out as bisexual to me I’d be very upset.
OP you talk about being cross with your DH confiding in his mum (which I sort of get) but maybe you should’ve chosen who to confide your sexual identity to.
Why would you expect your DH to be ok with this revelation?

We’ve both had sex with men. In fact I think all of my partners have had sex with men at some point.

It’s a non issue for me as I’m not insecure about it. Others may feel differently but I’m not posting their opinion, I'm posting mine.

Wow what a weird response.. to text his mum!
Is he from a culture where being bisexual or gay is frowned upon?
I told my husband I was bisexual a while ago and he was excited by it! I mean whilst I’d never act on the fact I find women attractive, the same as I don’t cheat on DH with another man, we do have fantasies about threesomes etc and DH and I can comment on women we find attractive together.
The fact your husband spoke to his mum is really strange and a bit pathetic IMO!

I can't believe what im reading how far has this gone 👀

I'll get shot down but I'll say this, just because some people wouldn't feel comfortable/happy finding out their partner fancies the same sex does not make them homophobic.

The insults do.

Good on those that are happy with a bi sexual partner and vice versa but it's not for everyone and that's ok too!

We all have a choice right?

Wonder if I should come out as fancying Chris Hemsworth to my husband 😉

The fact that you just became a cliched kink is, ironically, a problem.

😂😂

Well it's not phobic not to be attracted to someone, so this question is ridiculous, dishonest and ignorant in equal measure.

What does and doesn't spin your wheels is your sexuality. If you think it can be changed by dishonest sophistry, well, you wouldn't be the first, but you'd still be dead wrong.

“Sometimes men like women, sometimes men like men. Then there are bisexuals but some just say they’re kidding themselves….”

You are the only one mentioning "cheating, promiscuous, disgusting" and making assumptions about what I think about things without knowing me.

Anyone unnecessarily giving themselves a bi, or any other, "identify" label is putting a whole lot of complex feelings and characteristics into an unrealistic concept created by by society and that just causes problems, as seen by your aggressive response and assumptions to my opinion that I am entitled to.

I have no preconceived perceptions on anyone with a different (or same) sexuality to me, I hate labels, there is no need for them, I have no time for anyone going around declaring labels, I'll make decisions on my feelings towards a person on how they come across to me in my interactions with them.

A guy I was sort-of seeing once got very drunk and told me he thought he might be bi.

It definitely had an impact - it felt like he was telling me that there was always going to be something I couldn't give him.

As others have said, I think what you told him has suddenly made your husband feel insecure, and perhaps that he doesn't know you as well as he thought he did.

Heterophobic!

Oh no, shall I act all offended that you think my preferences are ‘eww’?

I won’t, because I understand people are different and can have their in sexual boundaries without being phobic.

Don’t you mean “identifying as fancying Chris Hemsworth” ? 🤣

Apparently 😱😂

The Eewww remark exposed them. It’s clear who they are.

Apologies, I didn't mean to quote you, I thought I had edited this.

All gay/bi men or only if it was your husband? Because if it’s the former, that’s definitely a prejudice to think being gay is inherently not masculine

.

I think all sex that doesn’t involve me is ewwww. What am I?

It was very obviously a sarcastic response to how people like yourself or the OPs husband finds same sex encounters.

Exactly.