Coming out as Bi to DH

[Scorchioo]

Just over a year ago I came out as bi to DH. A family member who had divorced her husband was now in a relationship with a woman. We were on the subject and I told DH I believed myself to be bisexual. When we first met DH knew that I had some attraction to women and that I had kissed women in the past.

It did not go down well. DH was almost sickened by what I told him and immediately started to text his mother as he “needed someone to talk to” I told him I wasn’t comfortable with his mother knowing and that if he needed to talk to someone I would be happy for him to confide in a friend instead. He said I can’t “control who he talks to” His mother is the type to use this information as a weapon against me.

DH then used graphic sexual language grilling me about all the stuff I would do to women. Would I ….. a woman etc. He kept saying he felt sick and if I was really bisexual he couldn’t remain married to me. He felt betrayed and acted like I had cheated on him.

I ended up backtracking and told him I was just confused and that my sexuality is fluid instead.

He then a few weeks after became hugely suffocating, physically touching me all the time and almost “love bombing” me.

We have not mentioned it since.

Has anyone got any experience with this sort of situation?

With your absolutely ludicrous anology. No one has described an innate fear. They have said don’t wanna marry someone I’m not attracted to. And what I’m attracted to is not subject to critique or scrutiny.

We’ve had one. A very honest one. Because male same sex attraction is disgusting and makes a man less masculine.

Hard set prejudice has no ability to distinguish between the two. Both are the icky people these NIMBYs don’t want near them.

But not 200% masculinity 😅

Because I was responding to a series of comments that focused on men having sex with men.

I wouldn’t be delighted if he sat down and told me he was sexually attracted to a woman the exact opposite of me either. Also not phobic of them.

I really need to get one of these "identity" labels. I could make myself one with the Dymo at work! You do know it is not mandatory to put yourself in a box?

You are, or at least think you are, attracted to women, I assume you are not going to discuss hot females with your dh so what was the point in telling him other than thinking you were missing a trendy label?

If dh suddenly announced he was bi, it would change everything I know about him and I doubt our 30+ year relationship would last. He can go and have that "identity" crisis all by himself.

Not “no straight women”. Some women. And that’s fine.

Well this escalated quickly, and why are people talking about spider sex 🕸️👀

Because apparently being arachnophobia is the same as feeling betrayed if your spouse suddenly comes out as bi and it puts you off.

If it's biphobia like some keep calling it then isn't the clue in the name 'phobia'. It's been compared to arachnophobia upthread 😂

Do her thoughts have to be rational or make sense?

What a truly ridiculous analogy.

I have arachnophobia myself, if a spider comes near me I am terrified, if gay man comes near me I am not.

A spider encounter is hardly comparable to a person accepting an undesirable trait in a what is supposed to a life time partner.

I see this this thread is going in the same direction as the one a few months ago in which the general seemed to be that if a bisexual person (or somebody who might not identify as bisexual but had even a vague inkling that they might do so in the future or who had ever had a same-sex experience in the past) engaged in sexual activity without explicitly disclosing this to their partner, they were basically sexually assaulting the other person.

Yes. I like the thought and act of heterosexual sex. I’m not turned on by anything else.

I didn’t use the term revulsion. Sex between a man and a man is a turn off for me, as I’m sure sex between a man and a woman is a turn off for many gay people. I’m not offended. I hope they have a fulfilling sex life.

Howling 😂

🕷️sex.

Lovely way to stereotype

The way things are going, there probably are people identifying as spiders. In a world where blokes can apparently be better at being women, than women can, nothing would surprise me.

Caitlyn Jenner won a woman of the year award....on ‘her’ first year of being a woman. What a time to be alive. 🧐

As a gay woman I wouldn’t want a (spicy) straight girlfriend or a bisexual one particularly as our experiences and viewpoint are not the same.

Im not heterophobic, or biphobic.
If I was I wouldn’t be on mumsnet for a start but there’s a vast difference between being perfectly happy for others to do their own thing, regardless of what that is, and fucking them.

Everyobody has the absolute right to chose who they’re intimate with and decline intimacy with whoever they want. No explanation needed.

As I’ve already said, this “phobia!” screeching over other people’s sex lives is an attempt to coerce and undermine healthy boundaries.

You. Owe. Your. Body. To. No. One.

if gay man comes near me I am not

no, you are not terrified of them coming near you, you are just disgusted by the thought of being in bed with one.

She's entitled to be. Are you suggesting sexuality can be changed?

🙌🙌🙌

YES. THANK YOU!

ps prepare to be called phobic.

@LostTheMarble Well, since the election was announced, there’s been several threads about couples and politics, and most say that having similar political views is extremely important.😂

We all have different experiences and I’m sure that some people have more fluid sexuality than others. But many people fancy certain characteristics and they can’t help not being attracted to others. If a person’s sexuality or sexual history bothers you, you’re not the right person for them. They’ll probably say good riddance to you-and that’s fine.

And? Is that a problem for you?

yes she’s entitled to be homophobic- windows into souls and all that.