Coming out as Bi to DH

[Scorchioo]

Just over a year ago I came out as bi to DH. A family member who had divorced her husband was now in a relationship with a woman. We were on the subject and I told DH I believed myself to be bisexual. When we first met DH knew that I had some attraction to women and that I had kissed women in the past.

It did not go down well. DH was almost sickened by what I told him and immediately started to text his mother as he “needed someone to talk to” I told him I wasn’t comfortable with his mother knowing and that if he needed to talk to someone I would be happy for him to confide in a friend instead. He said I can’t “control who he talks to” His mother is the type to use this information as a weapon against me.

DH then used graphic sexual language grilling me about all the stuff I would do to women. Would I ….. a woman etc. He kept saying he felt sick and if I was really bisexual he couldn’t remain married to me. He felt betrayed and acted like I had cheated on him.

I ended up backtracking and told him I was just confused and that my sexuality is fluid instead.

He then a few weeks after became hugely suffocating, physically touching me all the time and almost “love bombing” me.

We have not mentioned it since.

Has anyone got any experience with this sort of situation?

I would LOVE for you to show me where she judges others rather than stating her own preferences. Please do it.

Do you suppose you can control your husband's sexual attractions?

Why would you find it disgusting that your husband, who had no intention of sleeping with other men whilst with you, found other men attractive? What is so disgusting about it?

@Tandora I’m not sure that’s true. My neighbors are a gay married couple. I know them well and neither of them have had relationships with bi men ( as far as they know). That’s their choice and I respect that. Isn’t that OK?

“I have no feelings toward gay men. Live and let live”. Is not the same as same sex attraction is gross. Not even close.

Just... No.

If two men have a sexual relationship that doesn't bother me at all.
If MY HUSBAND found other men attractive that does bother me. Really not hard to understand.

still homophobic.

my partner is arachnophobic. But you know what, he doesn’t care what random spiders get up to out there in the world. He lives most of his life not thinking about the spiders out there. he’s totally cool with them as long as they don’t get up in his personal space. When they come near him he is bloody terrified. He’s the most arachnophobic person I’ve met in my life.

I think this is also a very reasonable point. If DH was big into anal (I would never do that), I would be concerned that he had a strong sexual desire that I would never be able to fulfil/he would feel something lacking.

but I also wouldn’t find him attractive because I personally don’t find that attractive as a sexual proclivity. Is that bumphobic?!

It does in my book.

Because he spent their marriage claiming to be straight? Because being gay means he’s not attracted to his wife. Really? Is this actually a thing? Straight people are homophobic if they don’t want to be married to someone who’s gay?

get in the sea.

This thread is insane.

How would he feel if you suddenly came out as a spider? Still want to engage in sexual activity with you?

Loads of people have already answered this. Because 2 men together isn’t a turn on for us, so knowing a partner had been with a bloke would be a turn off. And that really is ok.

yeh cos you are homophobic

From how I interpreted it, that poster said she'd find the act of herself going down on a woman repulsive, not the woman herself (or her sexuality) repulsive.

Or put it another way, I often see beautiful women on TV who I'd like to look at and admire, with and without clothes. However, imagining myself giving oral to a woman is so unappealing, despite finding the women themselves very attractive in an non sexual way. I wouldn't consider that attitude homophobic. I dare say it's the same feelings lesbians have when imagining sucking cock. They could love the men on a platonic level but it's a "hell no" to sex.

Again, we’re not talking about being gay, we’re talking about being bi. You need to understand the difference then reply to me.

😂😂😄😄 ok the wheels have finally fallen off the bus

But if he's bi, he finds men and women attractive, so it isn't about not being attracted to his wife?

But it just got wildly more entertaining 🤣🤣

Oh I do understand the difference.

I am attracted to honest straight men.

If he comes out as bi years into our marriage he ticks neither box.

Do people on here not even know the difference between being gay and being bisexual?

That’s not an explanation. Are you ‘turned on’ by the thought of your male partner having been with previous female partners? Still waiting on an explanation as to why your husband having a sexual encounter with another man in the past would cause revulsion.

But your previous post talked about ‘turning out your husband is gay’, you seem to see no distinction in being bi or being gay…

Isn’t that the point though, @Tandora. Most people don’t care who anyone else fancies, the only person they’re bothered about is their own partner.

And if we don’t find our partner’s preferences (whatever they are) attractive, it’s an issue. They can’t help their preferences and neither can we.

This thread is wild.

Leave the poor bloody spiders out of it.

😅