How would you split holiday cost?

[Dinoswearunderpants]

I've booked a holiday for myself, sister and my son to go to Greece. Her husband has said he'd pay 'some' money towards the holiday as her birthday present but I'm not sure what a fair split would be.

The holiday total was £1880. This included a free child's place so effectively my son is free.

However, I'm willing to pay more towards the holiday as if I had decided to book just myself and son, the cost would have been £1750 (no free child's place for one adult).

What do you think is a reasonable amount for my sisters husband to pay? I'm thinking £500.

Money is much tighter for them as my sister doesn't work (she's disabled) but her husband regularly goes on holiday without her.

But he isn't choosing either. The OP chose a holiday for herself and her ds, and the dsis was added on afterwards.

For me, I think a lot depends on how it came about that the dsis would be joining the holiday. If it was the BIL's idea, I agree that he should be willing to cough up a fair amount. It would be unreasonable of him to want to claim credit for sending his dw on holiday if the OP was the one paying for it.

However, if it was the OP's suggestion that the dsis could join her, I don't think she s**hould expect the BIL to be financing her trip - he should pay the additional costs only, which the OP wouldn't have incurred had the dsis not been going.

In your situation I wouldn't charge for my sister BUT I would take that £500 and use it for additional trips and treats so that her day is made really special. Massage on her bday if that's her kind of thing, boat trip, etc. So she is getting £500 worth of treats from her husband and the holiday from you. Sounds as though he does whatever he wants whenever he wants so this would be lovely for her

I imagine he probably is expecting it to be a joint present. I think he thinks OP was offering to take sister on holiday as a gift and he said he would put to for her birthday.

I’d be interested to know what gift OP is giving her sister for her birthday. I thought it was taking her on holiday but as they are expecting the £130 cost fully reimbursed, plus £370 of her birthday money, then that is clearly not the gift.

If it was me, I’d just pay the £130 and have the gift of the holiday be just from me and then sister can still get a gift from her husband and he doesn’t get any credit for the holiday that OP arranged.

I completely agree with this. Anything more than £100 it feels like you are getting the benefit of your sisters birthday present. Tell her dh to give her £500 and she can treat herself on the holiday - maybe she will take you all for a day out or maybe she will spend it all on herself. £500 for a weeks all inclusive may be a good deal but her space is only costing £100 so im not sure why you would charge them £500.

Asking for £130 is being petty? The majority of people in the UK don't have £130 to give away like it's nothing. There are sooo many assumptions here, none of us know all the answers however I'm guessing the op wouldn't take her sister somewhere she wouldn't like. Her sister is getting a great deal and the op is gaining company but also losing half the living space and everyone saying she will get extra childcare that won't be a break for her sister??? What??Where did she say this? Her sister is disabled and doesn't holiday with her husband so actually she may need support herself or may not be able to help with her nephew or she may want to without charge, I don't pay mine to babysit they want to do it. Regardless, the point is that no one knows the ins and outs.

What would you want to pay your sister if you were going on a holiday with her and her child whom the travel company classes as free? I'd want to pay full adult price personally and I'd be so touched if she insisted I pay only half but I wouldn't accept.

The OP had £1750 to spend on a holiday for her and her child. She now has, for the sake of £130 extra, an adult companion and someone else to help with the child.

If £130 is make or break for OP she probably shouldn't have been thinking of spending £1750.

"however I'm guessing the op wouldn't take her sister somewhere she wouldn't like"

That's quite an assumption. The OP has said to what extent sister even wanted to go on this holiday. I wouldn't choose this type of holiday.

If it were presented to me as "I'd really like your company to have another grown up to talk to and it only adds a £130 anyway" . I might consider going and offering to pay the £130.

If I were expected to pay the full adult price, there's not a snowball's chance in hell I'd go.

I’d probably split it by 2.5, so £500 sounds fine.

£500 seems fair, certainly no less.

She's not asking full adult price, she's asking a modest £500 for an AI holiday abroad that's worth double and again you don't know that her sister can or will help with her child.
The sister isn't paying also but her husband and sister seem to think she'd like to go enough for her DH to want to pay for her to go. You seem to think the OP should pay for his gift.

Also, please understand that spending £1700 on your abroad holiday does not mean £130 is nothing to them. Most people spend on holidays but have to keep tight budgets to do so... Going mid range AI suggests to me she's not rolling in it.

This is like going for a drink at happy hour and your friend expecting your free drink because you'd have spent the same regardless 🤦🏼‍♀️

We don't know if this is a holiday the sister would have chosen or if it's no more than an opportunity that came up because of the price structure . It's a price structure which gives the OP the chance to have another adult to have conversations with.

You don't know if the sister will give hands on childcare but even if she doesn't simply having another adult to talk to is going to make a big difference to OP.

Without that information we don't know if it's a real bargain at £500 or a really not my thing but I'll take a chance at a £130. Obviously I'm not OP's sister. I'd give it a go at £130. I wouldn't pay £500 for it.

OP can you afford to pay for it all? I think it would be a lovely present from you and your child if she has been wanting a holiday for a while and her husband regularly goes alone. You’ve planned and paid so take the credit and be the best sister ever if possible

I would not ask for $500. I would ask what he plans to contribute and leave it at that. It will all balance out in the end.

How can money be tight, if her husband regularly goes on holiday without her?

Sounds like it's only the working class who can't afford to go on endless holidays paid for by the tax payer.

Because we're all too busy working to pay for the benefits scroungers to put their feet up and not contribute to society.

I think £500 is fair.
Especially as the husband goes abroad without her.

The sister isn't paying for it, her husband is, as a gift and she's not been forced to spend anything. We've no reason to believe she won't like the gift either, it's such a strange rationale.

The question is a considerate one from the OP as she recognises the free child place benefits her too so she's happy to pay extra so her sister's husband pay a much reduced amount. I don't see how she can be told she's disingenuous for benefiting from a free child place, when OP's proposal of £500 reduces the cost of each of their holidays significantly.

If it’s cost you £130 to add her then if you get £500 from your BiL then it does seem like you’re profiting from having her come… specifically by £370. Plus you presumably benefit from having an extra pair of hands to help with your son and also added company of your sis. I would keep it as a present from you - cos let’s face it for £130 it’s an amazing present and I’m sure your sis will be chuffed. Her husband can get her something else. It’s not for you to use this as an oppurtunity to help manage their finances to a fairer division especially because it sounds like that needs to go substantially deeper than £370.

Take her on holiday for her birthday because you love and respect her and use all the time you have there to help her see how controlling her husband is and how she needs to demand more.

I think 500 sounds fair. You can either use it towards the cost of the holiday or use it while on holiday to do some extra things you may not have done otherwise. Not really understanding why if things are tight for them that he can afford to go on holidays though.

OP is completely disingenuous. She gets adult company on holiday and at the very least a second pair of eyes keeping an eye on her child for a £130.

There's no way you (general you) can spin that so that sister or sister's husband should stump up £500.

We will have to agree to disagree, they both benefit and the OP is still suggesting she pay significantly more. There aren't loads of details but her sister is said to be desperate to get away and seemingly doesn't get the opportunity with her DH, the op was happy to take her child alone yet everyone assumes she'd want adult company (and for some reason should pay for it) but maybe she isn't bothered about that? We don't know but I doubt her sister will feel hard done by if her DH was to pay half price for a holiday and no single person occupancy charge. Most people would be quick to snap that offer up.

Also, where has everyone got that the BIL is financially abusing her sister? I can't find anything that says that?! He goes away without her but could be stag do's, work trips, friends special birthday, wellness retreat. OP didn't say he was a bad husband, did she?

Just be mindful that a free child’s place doesn’t usually include the flight, just the hotel. I’d say get the prices for the flight and split into 3rds and then split the hotel cost in half.

I'd say that the holiday cost £1800 with a free child place but wouldn't have been much cheaper if she hadn't come and let him decide. I think anything from £500-900 is fair. I'd assume he's not thinking it cost £500 and his contribution would be £100...

You probably need to let him know total cost to prevent embarrassment. If he thinks it's a £1000 holiday and you ask for £500 it's completely different in terms of ratio!

Well I’d be telling him the pull cost and state that son is free… and ask if he’s happy to pay a third

Or say full amount is £1880…. A third is slightly over £625 but I’m happy to call it £500

I’m amazed how many people jump to the BIL being financially abusive with little to no information. I’m not saying he’s not, but the info isn’t enough to conclude that. we need more information, like what holidays is he going on? 2 weeks in Thailand is a lot different in cost to a one night golf break, for instance, and what else does he pay for in the relationship? Have they agreed to split their finances completely? There are too many unknowns to jump to that huge conclusion.

i think £500 is too much, but £130 is too little. There are small negatives to the sister coming along, such as loss of privacy, activities, meal time considerations etc, and that should be factored in. Rather than how much the sister is getting out of it, I’d look at how much your holiday would be affected and devalued. I think £250-£300 feels fair.

I think I’d just treat my sister, if I could afford to, and suggest to her husband that he uses the money for them to do something (go away?) together.