Shamed for formula feeding

[Gemmy96]

I exclusively formula feed my child as I literally do not produce breast milk-- at all. None, not a hint of it. I tried for days after my child was born but ultimately realised I was missing out on making memories while I was attached to a pump and decided exclusive formula feeding was best for the whole family.

MIL and certain other family members know this and still put pressure on me to go to breastfeeding groups like la leche even though I've made it clear that I'm not interested. I'm being sent articles and videos about why breastfeeding is a better choice (let's pretend it's always a choice!) than formula feeding. I'm getting rude comments when I mention how much formula my child is drinking per feed.

I don't think IBU for formula feeding, but I think I might be overreacting to their behaviour. AIBU given that these people might just be concerned about what's best for my child?

Ask them why wet nurses were a thing historically. Sorry, OP, they're being shits. Congratulations on your lovely baby!

They need to mind their own business and I wouldn't be engaging with this.

Yeah they don’t sound very nice at all 🤦🏻‍♀️ It’s a hard enough time without someone like that!

It’s easier said than done but ignore them yourself, get your other half to tell them to give it a rest and stand up and protect you. You aren’t overreacting, they’re overreaching.

You’ve tried because you wanted to, it hasn’t happened, so you’ve stopped before it causes you harm to your wellbeing.

I see a strong capable mum making the best choice for her and her baby. Your MIL and other family can bugger off.

What? It’s OP’s right to formula feed but wet nurses were to do with societal views on women breastfeeding, rather than an actual need.

it is extremely rare for someone to actually not have any milk, as in the OP situation. Which is why in countries where formula is not readily available, women don’t have the issues we seem to here.

They're not concerned about what's best for your child otherwise they wouldn't be trying to wreck your mental health. Tell them you'll be blocking them on all social media/messaging apps unless they stop sending you irrelevant breastfeeding propaganda.

Also if they’re saying this when you’re seeing them and it’s stressing you out I’d get your husband to say you’re having a break from visitors right now and mention a comment about what they have been saying. When they think their comments will mean they can’t see the baby they will surely think twice!

YANBU, these people’s behaviour is appalling. They are rude and interfering me for no purpose whatsoever. You are FF, that’s it, no going back now.

So on Mumsnet I constsntly read about women feeling judged for breastfeeding.

in my experience, 10 years plus ago now, I had far more negative comments and judgement for formula feeding than my sister who lived in the same town, whos baby (same sex as mine) was born two weeks before mine, ever received for breastfeeding my niece.

I am so sorry you’re experiencing this too. I just wanted to say you’re not alone, and that, 10 years on, whilst I still remember it, it doesn’t hurt.

They need to mind their own business.
I never produced much, even with a pump.
Baby would take his fill from me, well I say take his fill, he would struggle to latch on, would,bounce off my boob, scream, suck for only a short time and rinse and repeat, we started "topping" up with formula but in reality he was sucking on me until the bottle was ready then he'd drain it, it got too stressful for us both and he was much more happier on formula only as he wasn't get frustrated with my boobs anymore.
Some people think it's as easy as sticking the baby on your boob and hey presto!

Geez, they would hate me- I never even tried to breastfeed and decided I would formula feed before baby even arrived.

Seriously none of their business and you're not being sensitive. The research into milk these days means breast is not necessarily best. Don't respond to anything they send you, and enjoy your beautiful baby x

You clearly think this is some kind of ‘gotcha!’, but it really isn’t. In countries where formula is unavailable, babies will be fed by a family member or other close member of the community with a baby. More pregnancies, longer periods of BF, more women with milk. Or they’ll die, bluntly.

As another person who never produced more than a trickle of milk and who had hormone tests from the GP, advice from midwife, HV, La Leche League peer supporters and BF cafe, an NCT BF specialist AND a paid lactation consultant, AND who continued to pump and put my baby regularly to the best for two months, AND used a supplemental nursing system, I find the inference pretty insulting. Clearly my first world body didn’t get the memo that everyone can do this.

OP, be very firm.

It's none of their business. Shut it down right away or ignore it completely they will get the message.

Thank you @Divilabit

Thank you thank you thank you 👏

I don’t think people judge for breastfeeding on mumsnet? Most people agree that if it’s possible it’s good for baby and mum. I’ve only ever seen judgemental comments on bottle feeding.

I think I would ask
them to stop sending you information as it’s upsetting and spoiling your time with your new baby. ‘I really don’t want to receive any more on this and if it doesn’t stop I will have to disengage from contact on Whatsapp ‘( or whatever you use).
@CaribbeanCupcake I would be interested in a link to that research.

Not sure this would be helpful, weren't wet nurses a thing so that aristocratic women didn't have to breastfeed? Not sure it supports OP!

I’d tell them if they are so convinced breast is so much better and it’s really their business the way they seem to think it is then they can train their bodies to re-lactate and become your wet nurse. Come round at 2am, 4am and 6am to feed and then you can all have breakfast together. How lovely…..
Over reaching doesn’t even cut it.
I’d also send them articles showing that a lot of research around the benefits of breastfeeding is actually very dated and not even significant when accounting for factors like the access to and abundance of clean drinking water for formula that we have in this country, not to mention the importance of a healthy diet, maternal health etc etc. Surely what you feed your child from weaning to the point they are teens/adults is way more important than the first six months of their life.
I mean… pick your battles in-laws.

And working class women who had to be back in the factories two weeks after giving birth. Maternity leave just wasn’t a thing. Babies had to be fed. Somehow I think OP’s decision to feed her baby formula still beats the raw milk, condensed milk etc. that was a breast milk alternative back then.

Agree with @Pottedpalm
"I am feeding the baby in a way that works for both of us. I do not wish to hear any more about breastfeeding."
" Please respect my decision and stop sending me links..."

you baby is fed and thriving, that’s all that matters. You are doing fine op

If they say anything at all ask them what they expected you to do, let your baby starve and cry or feed them. When they say feed them but breast is best hand baby over and tell them to crack on as they are probably producing as much milk as you are…

or tell them they bugger off it’s nothing to do with them and if they don’t like it they don’t have to visit

I find it falling that a man can get drugs on the nhs to 'breastfeed' although there is no evidence they produce nutritional milk, but that's okay, whereas women are made to feel bad in this way.

If they say anything at all ask them what they expected you to do, let your baby starve and cry or feed them. When they say feed them but breast is best hand baby over and tell them to crack on as they are probably producing as much milk as you are…

Perfect response!

@amijustbeingsuspicious In other parts of the world babies are routinely feed by other nursing Women in the family or community if their own mother has difficulty with supply or amount of milk. A friend who lived in Southern Africa didn't produce enough milk for her DC so it was supplemented by a friend of hers who had oversupply.

Only in the developed world are we so squeamish about sharing breastmilk.

I would just be blunt... sorry this is not a conversation I'm having with you, only my health visitor... and stop them in their tracks
Enjoy your baby, ck gratulations!