Fall out with Grandson

[LadySmurf]

Recently I was asked to look after my two grandsons 14 & 8. The 14yo can be a handful with his behaviour and language, but we had a lovely time together, I took them out for the day and they wanted to sleep over. The next morning, 14yo was stroppy and swearing - I asked him to stop and not talk like that. The 8yo said “Mum said if you’re naughty they’ll take away your Xbox for a week” well it was like a red rag. He started shouting and swearing at me - then he punched me in the stomach. I’m very sad and horrified to say, I smacked his face in a reactive moment. When his parents came, I explained what happened and said sorry to him. They said he would apologise the next day - but nothing.
They took him home and now a month on, I’ve not had any contact with him, only the rest of the family.
I saw him yesterday when I visited their house. I said hello and asked how he was? He ignored me and told his brother he hates me.
Its his birthday next week - I don’t feel like giving him a gift. should I still? AIBU?

I guess punched grandmother isn't coming back then.

Disgusting comment. As are also all the violence against women apologists on thsi thread. Possibly the same person with different usernames. Yuk. A 14 year old assaulted his own grandmother. I have never heard of someone doing this! These parents had better be on to this one, before he starst punching his girlfriends around or punching the wrong guy who may break every bone in his body. He has anger management problems and it needs to be dealt with swiftly.

You poor thing, I'm sorry you're in this position.

It sounds like he is completely out of control and whilst I strongly disagree with hitting children, I also completely understand you're reaction. It's horrendous that he attacked you.

Ultimately, he is still a child. His parents need to intervene and get to the root cause of this anger.

You did the right thing by apologising as you are the adult but he should have said sorry too.

I can understand you not wanting to buy him a present. Could you put money in an account for him? That way he doesn't get it but also doesn't miss out as hopefully this issue with be resolved.

I absolutely would not give him as much as a card so OP YANBU

However, this is all very disturbing. A few words about confiscating an X box from little brother was enough to result in this 14 year old punching you in the stomach!!! I find it appalling and would not apologise again for what was no doubt a reflexive slap in the face of shock and pain.

In fact I wouldn't be mentioning the slap anymore as this nasty little shit has obviously decided what you did is what everyone must focus on - and is ignoring you as a manipulative tactic.

I cannot quite believe the parents reaction didn't have him at your door grovelling and telling you how wrong he was, instead he is allowed to ignore you and for the assault on you to not be taken seriously.

Shit parenting all around!

Good luck when your 17 year old directs the violence you've previously enabled at you.

I wanted to check to see if @Cicciabella was a MRA / troll before engaging so did an AS.

She works in a school. Words fail me, truly.

People with your approach to violence like this are the reason boys who are abusive grow into men who are abusive.

Terrifying you work in a school environment.

I don't know what's scarier, the idea of you having boys or the idea of you having girls.

I saw him yesterday when I visited their house. I said hello and asked how he was? He ignored me and told his brother he hates me.

Did his parents witness that? If so, what did they say?

I fully agree with you 100%.

When I was 7 in the school playground a boy punched me in the guts really hard, it sodding HURT. So after I got up off the ground after he flattened me with the punch I got up and kicked him in the balls. Guess what? It was ME that was dragged off to the Head's office and told to ''just get over it'' while absolutely nothing was done about the abuser ''because he's just a little boy''.

I really hope @Cicciabella 's post was trolling and not genuine. Jesus I can't believe what I just read, victim blaming and shaming a Grandmother who's 14 year old grandson just punched her in the stomach?!

What have his parents said? What are they doing? It almost feels like they're ignoring it?

So many people victim blaming. Why do you think OP ‘should have known better’ ? She was punched in the stomach by a fourteen year old boy, and hit back in surprise. Why on earth would you think an apology was required from her, when she was the target for the boys’ violence. In four years time this boy will be a man. Would you advocate that what ever partner he ends up with apologies when he loses control and hits them ? Because that’s how it will likely progress if there is any apology to him for his appalling violence. It will teach him it’s just fine to hit women. There is absolutely no need for the OP to get involved in the resolution for this. She is the victim here and it’s up to the boys’ parents to sort it out.

@Cicciabella

Get off your high horse 🐎 @LadySmurf said sorry to her grandson and was understandably shocked by what he did to her which was physically assault too,

She reacted in a natural knee jerk reaction to protect herself
even UK 🇬🇧 British Law allows anyone to protect themselves from harm,

Her grandsons behaviour was terrible
he should have had some kind of serious consequence to reflect back on his behaviour,
aswell as looking at the bigger pic therapy possibly too,
and mental health services interventions ideally,

By the looks of it they as his family have just hush hushed it up down played it as it does not look good reflect well on their family home life at all

And of course @LadySmurf as his grandmother will again and many 🙄 more times be expected to help out babysitting,
whenever they feel like it as a family,
regardless how she feels in this kind of dysfunctional abusive volatile home life environment,

I wonder and really think 🤔 it's highlighting and shining a harsh light on how dysfunctional her grandsons home family life really is,

I wouldn't be suprised if domestic abuse is a backdrop of his family home life,

No wonder they all want to downplay quieten down this punching incident at home...

Your 14 year old grandson punched you in the stomach? I’d be cutting him off for life, at that age he’s old enough and well enough aware to know the serious damage that could have caused you.

This still goes on now. My 10 year old niece was in a similar situation recently. She defended herself after taking abuse from a boy in her class for weeks. Things got heated in the playground and he hit her so hard she fell over. She picked herself up and hit him back, but a teacher saw her and she was the one punished. Her mum went to the school and talked to the head, and it was eventually resolved but they would have been quite happy to leave the boy unpunished. It’s appalling.

I say you dodged a bullet. If he is being allowed to grow up to believe hitting 'grannies' is acceptable, you're well rid! If someone punched you in the street, an equal but opposite reaction is fair. I know people who say it's different for children, but say he hits you every day, are you just meant to take it and reprimand verbally? He's only going to realise what it feels like once it's been done to him. And for 'screen time', seriously?!

Cut him out of your will, leave it all to his brother, let him suck eggs.

Are you for real!!!?

Slapping someone as an instinctive reaction after being seriously assaulted is very normal. This is a person who is likely adult sized and could inflict serious harm on the OP by punching her in the stomach. So would pushing someone. An open handed slap would do far less damage and cause far less pain than a punch to the gut. This boy is dangerous if this is his reaction to a threat of getting his x box removed. If he did this to a teacher he would be expelled, if he did it to a stranger, he’d be arrested, yet we should excuse him doing it to his grandmother.

I would tell the parents that you are very concerned at his behaviour and that there will be no contact and no presents until this is sorted out by getting proper intervention.

No doubt in a few years this boy will turn out to be yet another of the many many vile men who abuse women without a thought - they all start off as children, something that the “oh he’s just a kid” crowd seem to forget. If his parents get him help now he might be saved, otherwise I don’t fancy his chances.

Write him a letter saying you made a bad mistake. When he us ready lay the future open for possible contact.

is the bad mistake happening to be in the way of his flying fists?

Cicciabella is just a idiot. She should not be working with teens, she really does not know what she is talking about. Victim blaming is disgusting. If that is her attitude she is the reason some teens have no respect.

Read some parenting books? 🤣 This has got to be one of the classic MN responses.

He punched her so she should go off and read some books and think about what she could have done differently to avoid being punched?

Big jump to say about neglect as well, it's hardly neglect to feel angry and hurt about the situation.

Some actions are instinctive and a response to pain. People saying they would disown the grandmother over this are just mad.

Also, teenagers know they can get away with so much it might actually be a valuable lesson of what can happen in life when you hit people. I know that’s not in line with what you’re supposed to say but it’s true.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-64708616

At this rate this will be the violent little sod in another five years.

I am trying to imagine one of my teenage children punching a grandparent and I just cant. This boys parents need to get him some help ASAP.

I don’t think you did anything wrong, his behaviour was disgusting and I hope his parents punished him severely.

That being said, as he is family and you love him and want the best for him, it is important for him to see a way back and that terrible behaviour does not make a terrible person.

I would go with the card as an olive branch option mentioned by PP but this should not be swept under the rug, it is all very worrying.

I also think there was nothing wrong with you slapping him, he isn’t a young child and he assaulted you, in what could have been a very serious way.

He punched you in the stomach. He physically assaulted you!!! Your reaction to slap him was absolutely justified.

Any teenager that punches their grandmother and doesn't immediately apologies needs serious help!

I would send a birthday card only to acknowledge his birthday. His behaviour was despicable and his parents should be making him write an apology.