Fall out with Grandson

[LadySmurf]

Recently I was asked to look after my two grandsons 14 & 8. The 14yo can be a handful with his behaviour and language, but we had a lovely time together, I took them out for the day and they wanted to sleep over. The next morning, 14yo was stroppy and swearing - I asked him to stop and not talk like that. The 8yo said “Mum said if you’re naughty they’ll take away your Xbox for a week” well it was like a red rag. He started shouting and swearing at me - then he punched me in the stomach. I’m very sad and horrified to say, I smacked his face in a reactive moment. When his parents came, I explained what happened and said sorry to him. They said he would apologise the next day - but nothing.
They took him home and now a month on, I’ve not had any contact with him, only the rest of the family.
I saw him yesterday when I visited their house. I said hello and asked how he was? He ignored me and told his brother he hates me.
Its his birthday next week - I don’t feel like giving him a gift. should I still? AIBU?

You beat me to it with those questions!

Oh my god, what an absolute load of bullshit this is!

Also don't apologise at ALL for slapping him.

He bloody well deserved it.

Id disown the nasty little shit.

I would imagine those defending the grandson would be the mothers of sons who smack their wives about, then blame the wives.
After all, he wouldn't have punched his wife if she hadn't have provoked him by burning the gravy or something!

I'm appalled that this happened to you OP, your reaction to being punched in the stomach was exactly what most people would have done! The ones sanctimoniously harping on about you being "violent" in return, are probably the ones who think their children can do no wrong and have never actually been in the position you were in!

I would refuse to visit their house and the 14 year old and his parents wouldn't be welcomed into my home either. Keep contact with the 8 year old, they probably need the break from home.
And certainly no gift or card! That would just show he could get away with murder... Which, if his parents don't deal with him sharply now, he probably will in the future!

you must know how big a 14yo boy is. To have punched his grandma in the stomach is seriously scary. A reactive slap is very understandable and I’m not sure even needed an apology. This boy has serious issues and it seems like terrible parenting. I don’t know what you should do, before he lands in jail. What does the parent who is your child say? Have the 8 year old over again and tactfully ask about the home environment.

Jesus Christ, I've read some things on here over the years but a 14 year old lad punching his nan in the stomach? Absolutely fucking disgusting. I wouldn't be giving him any present.

What have his parents, especially your child, said about it?

Also, this.

We’re not a violent family at all but had the eldest boy done that (similar age) he’d have been bricking it for us collecting him as his dad would have dragged him out of Granny’s house. I, for one, would have been bounced off every bloody wall in the house.
I think the problem here is no fear of consequence and feeling like he can bully an older woman.

@AlfrescoPotato I completely agree.

Punching his nan in the stomach for christs sake. And he seems to have got away with it Scott free???!!

Are you on glue?

He punched her and she reacted in self defence and yet she is the one in the wrong and needs to apologise to him?

Further to this, if he spirals into self harm and suicide then it’s her fault?

Wild. Absolutely wild.

His behaviour was awful. I really hope that his parents have apologised properly to you.

I would ask them if they would like you to give him a gift in the circumstances. It could be that there are explanations for his behaviour that, while not excusing it, would cast it in a slightly different light. If he is being badly bullied and hates himself, I think you would want him to know that you still care.

I am utterly shocked that people are defending this 14 year olds vile actions....lets hope he does it to someone else who gives him a bloody good hiding....thats all that will stop this vile thug.

OP did the boy a favour by slapping him (no doubt instinctively) after he punched her. He’s the kind of child that will one day take his anger out on the wrong person, someone who could really hurt him or even kill him, so better he learns now that if he’s violent people can and indeed will hit back.

As to how to move forward, it’s difficult. His parents should really be dealing with this and it seems they haven’t or won’t.

This thread certainly shows us the evolution of violent men. They start out as violent teenagers and have parents like some of the posters here who'd rather soothe the aggressive little fuckers than make them face up to the consequences of violent behaviour.

Sadly it would appear that @ByPeachSeal only has daughters, from a previous post she states she would've been disappointed to have boys.

But just imagine what she's teaching her daughters, accept male violence, no need to defend yourself from a punch, it's only an issue if it's a sustained attack.

Honestly, this is why some women blame themselves for the fact their partners hit them and stay in violent relationships.

Can you imagine the utter despair at saying to your mother when you are 14 that your boyfriend punched you in the stomach and her saying you shouldn't have defended yourself, there was no need to. In that moment you've taught your daughter to accept violence.

Shocking

He get more than a slap if he was my son. And you apologised? I would be phoning the police!!
This behaviour needs nipping in the bud ASAP. What's wrong with children nowadays?
I have several sons and yes they could be lippy and fight amongst themselves but punch their grandmother? Never in a million years

What's wrong with children nowadays is parents like

@Cicciabella and @ByPeachSeal

That's what's wrong.

I agree.
Both of my sons are married with daughters of their own.
If I thought for one minute that either of them had raised their hands to their wives, daughters or any other females, it would be me calling the police and having them locked up.

You can't be serious - the kid punched his gran in the stomach. What a horrible post for you to write. You come across as having serious issues yourself.

Seriously?? Did you miss the part where he punched her in the stomach??

There is something wrong with the world when kids are allowed to behave however they like, including physical violence, and people like you think this is okay.

One punch can and does sometimes kill people.

Regarding a present, I would use his birthday money as a donation to Womens Aid and let him and the familiy know why. His behaviour really needs addressing and op has done nothing wrong. I do wonder if he beats up on the 8 year old.

My 4 grandchildren are all young adults.

3 boys and 1 girl.

They have never even sworn at me, let alone raised a hand to me.

If one of them punched me, I would lamp them straight back.

I’ve never allowed a man to raise his hand to me - no way would I allow a grandson to.

Mind you, if they had ever assaulted me, my DD and SIL would have gone nuts as well.

The OP was quite justified in what she did - and I certainly wouldn’t be buying him gifts or cards, at the moment.🙄

He needs to understand the gravity of what he did, and take the consequences.

Reading some of these posts, it’s easy to see why we seem to have so many aggressive, self entitled teenagers about.🙄

I difficult to comprehend isn't it. Are there parents out there who think that the rest of the world will carry on enabling their children to avoid consequences for bad behaviour. Failure to address violent behaviour actually endangers their children. Or perhaps they are totally OK with weekly prison visits.

Omg he punched his granny in the stomach. That’s terrible, I hope you were not in too much pain.

If my son had ever done that to my mum, or any female, I would have hit the roof, he’d have been grounded for a year and the blasted games console that caused it would have been put in the bin. I lived with domestic violence for years so very timid and I would have also slapped him. Well actually if a male hit me anywhere I think I’d react appalling after my past as I have a lot of issues still.

How have the parents punished him and addressed this? Not the case for all I know but many years later from grandparents I discovered my violent ex had also been uncontrollable and violent towards them as a teen. I had no idea but it explained a lot as he had never been taught you can’t do that to others however you are feeling.

Also sorry this could cause a rift as you certainly were not the one doing anything wrong. I’d let him know you love him, obviously, as it’s possible he’s feeling ashamed afterwards and doesn’t know the feeling and what to do. I’d give him a nice card and some money and tell him you love him, this is for his parents to address before he properly hurts someone else or hits the wrong person and he’s hurt himself.