Fall out with Grandson

[LadySmurf]

Recently I was asked to look after my two grandsons 14 & 8. The 14yo can be a handful with his behaviour and language, but we had a lovely time together, I took them out for the day and they wanted to sleep over. The next morning, 14yo was stroppy and swearing - I asked him to stop and not talk like that. The 8yo said “Mum said if you’re naughty they’ll take away your Xbox for a week” well it was like a red rag. He started shouting and swearing at me - then he punched me in the stomach. I’m very sad and horrified to say, I smacked his face in a reactive moment. When his parents came, I explained what happened and said sorry to him. They said he would apologise the next day - but nothing.
They took him home and now a month on, I’ve not had any contact with him, only the rest of the family.
I saw him yesterday when I visited their house. I said hello and asked how he was? He ignored me and told his brother he hates me.
Its his birthday next week - I don’t feel like giving him a gift. should I still? AIBU?

If I was ever punched by a grandchild, it would take a grovelling apology and many weeks before I would get past it.

Those people who I'm assuming have had posts deleted because they are defending the teenager, should be ashamed of themselves.

No wonder behaviour in schools is getting worse every year. What kind of society will we have if this kind of behaviour is excused?

@@User8646382

Hear Hear very well said, you've nailed it spot on the head 👏🏿 👌 👍 with your good comments post on here,

Those people who I'm assuming have had posts deleted because they are defending the teenager, should be ashamed of themselves.

The first such post was really something to behold: not just defending a violent thug, but roundly chastising the poor victim. She then went on to claim some sort of expertise in dealing with troubled teenage boys!! I can only assume she was on a windup.

A PP @User8646382 had it earlier: it’s child-centred insanity these days when in fact we need more discipline. As a teacher of many decades myself, I saw the gradual switch from children being in hot water at home for having been in trouble at school, to parents blazing into school furious, because their little darling had been very justifiably told off for something.

@BettyUnderswoob

It's like our society's created entiled child and teenager centric psudeo emperors,
to our society's detriment in such ways that have serious ramifications...

It's a shame that the post by Cicciabella was deleted at her request because it really was very instructive as to the mindset of the enablers of male violence. Whether or not the OP comes back, and whether it was a wind-up thread or not, it's clear that there is plenty of tolerance for domestic violence and what one can only assume is an actual agenda for making women responsible for handling it kindly.

I thought this. She should stand by her opinions.

@GCAcademic

I totally wholeheartedly agree with your sentiments it goes a long way to why and how male violence apologists think their mindsets and why they think like that way so,🤔

At @Cicciabella post was very insightful and extremely emotive enlightening about male 🙄 violence apologists weird and dysfunctional troubling mindset ...

Oops sorry typo mistake
Goes a long way to explaining why male violence apologists think 🤔 that way insight on that..

As a teacher of many decades myself, I saw the gradual switch from children being in hot water at home for having been in trouble at school, to parents blazing into school furious, because their little darling had been very justifiably told off for something.

Absolutely.

I taught university - although not in the UK. We had parents who complained about grades obtained by their YA children. It never stops. I got out. It pissed me off too much.

Agree, deleted because it was an embarrassment of a violence accepting victim blaming post?

Awful for you OP. You have a problem with the boy's parents as much as with him. That they did not insist on him apologising to you is appalling. Can you speak clearly and firmly to whichever of them is your DC? Also speak to the little sod himself. I hope his younger brother did not witness what happened, or see the aftermath with his brother and parents. What a terrible life lesson! No birthday present - which would reward unacceptable behaviour.

This 100%.

Maybe it depends on where you are parenting wise. If you have an aggressive teenage boy yourself you see it one way. Those of us with gentle teen girls see it quite another.

Agree there has been a shift in society. In my day as a 90s teen a letter home was feared even by the roughest kid as then you were in trouble at home as well as school. Now parents back their kids against the school and weigh in personally against the teacher. This has been observed by teacher family members who have between them taught from 1970 to present day.

Exactly.

I now take every thread on Mumsnet as hypothetical.

So, whilst this scenario appears to be fake, it is actually happening in many households so is worth debating, and noting that there are some genuine replies which explain why there are little shits knocking about thinking they can be aggressive to anyone, family or not, and dear mummy will defend them.

Even the law says that after 10 they can be prosecuted for their violence. Most 7 or 8 year olds know right from wrong, many have a very well developed sense of right and wrong from an even earlier age.

Those posts blaming the OP and defending that behaviour with one claiming to work with troubled teens were appalling. I honestly have never read anything as bad on this site. I wonder if it was their grandmother who got punched would they be so quick to defend the attacker?
OP this is really nasty and the child's parents really need to get some sort of intervention urgently for this kid or hes headed for serious trouble.
I wouldn't buy him anything especially in the absence of an apology. He has to realise there are consequences to his actions and at his age he knows the difference between right and wrong.
Ultimately you won't be helping him by giving gifts. I hope you're ok awful thing to have happened to you

And op has not come back...

You slapped your Grandson round the face?

You are an adult and he is a child!!

What have his parents said to you?

@Bellaboo01

they haven’t said anything

He’s a rude teenager who verbally abused her and punched her in the stomach. I’m sure OP’s gut reaction to this was just a knee jerk one and not done lightly.

This thread is a classic example of what seems to be the new-fangled 'parenting' ideology on MN. The move is now towards never saying No! because you will lose them, never discipline them because they will hate you for life. Always apologise to the child even when they swear and scream & physically attack you instead practice 'love bombing', love messages and presents will cure this. Absolutely never have a confrontation.

While there are elements of all these that all work in particular cases, in most cases these they all send the wrong kind of message. The message 'that i can do what i want and if they don't, there will be hell to pay'. So the parents are held over a barrel gun. Be rest assured, It does no one any good, everybody loses out in the end. Whilst the dc may elude any form of discipline for now, I am confident on the streets, the police and prison beckons.

Bloody ridiculous some of them who work with teens and are all, oh it’s not his fault. Poor love.

If it was a 'knee- jerk reaction' then it was done lightly!

@Bellaboo01 how do you personally think she should have responded out of interest?

I don't know the child/ any of his behaviour issues etc etc so i can't say how i would have reacted in that situation. What might work for one, might not work for another but, responding and disciplining violence with violence clearly isnt the correct way.

BUT, i can absolutely guarantee 100% you that i would never, ever have slapped him round the face.