Fall out with Grandson

[LadySmurf]

Recently I was asked to look after my two grandsons 14 & 8. The 14yo can be a handful with his behaviour and language, but we had a lovely time together, I took them out for the day and they wanted to sleep over. The next morning, 14yo was stroppy and swearing - I asked him to stop and not talk like that. The 8yo said “Mum said if you’re naughty they’ll take away your Xbox for a week” well it was like a red rag. He started shouting and swearing at me - then he punched me in the stomach. I’m very sad and horrified to say, I smacked his face in a reactive moment. When his parents came, I explained what happened and said sorry to him. They said he would apologise the next day - but nothing.
They took him home and now a month on, I’ve not had any contact with him, only the rest of the family.
I saw him yesterday when I visited their house. I said hello and asked how he was? He ignored me and told his brother he hates me.
Its his birthday next week - I don’t feel like giving him a gift. should I still? AIBU?

Oh look... another huge and controversial thread where an OP has dropped a bomb and then not returned.

I suffered extreme violence from my exh as in my left arm smashed against the wall until it snapped and several beatings to apparently teach me a lesson. One night If had enough and knew I had to get out there and then managed to grab dd from her cot and run for the car. It was only when I got to my Mum's place that I realised I should of got out a lot sooner.
So I'm finding some of the posts on this thread staggering and offensive. I don't want another woman to go through what I did so I think we need to stop apologising for male violence. If the OPs grandson will punch his own nana who else will fall victim to his fist.

And yet, during this 'very difficult stage of life', almost all teenagers can control their anger and frustrations enough not to punch people, let alone their own grandma,

No, she doesn't NEED to buy him a gift right now,

This 14y male has sworn at her, shouted at her, punched her, said he hates her .. there is no remorse, no apology, nothing.

Appalled by all the half wits on here saying she shouldn't have slapped him back. Any woman assaulted by a male is absofuckinglutely entitled to respond any way she can no matter how misunderstood the poor little shit is. Go grandma, next time wear some knuckledusters when you're looking after the toe rag. As many have already said, I doubt he'd punch a man in the gut - he's just learning early on who to bully.

I'm trying to imagine how I would have reacted if one of mine had punched MIL in the stomach at that age. It's unthinkable.

I'm so sorry OP, you must be gutted that this has happened. You have every reason to distance yourself from him for as long as you need to. I hope his parents are having some serious conversations about how to address his emotional problems and his anger.

I have a friend (an ex-teaching colleague) whose father was a police sergeant. He said that some of the worst acts of violence he had seen had been committed by 14/15 year old boys.

He retired from the police force in the 1970s.

Unconditional love doesn't mean forgetting what happened and not expecting severe consequences for such appalling behaviour.

Unconditional love includes teaching young people right from wrong, that it's important to accept responsibility for their actions, that remorse and forgiveness may be needed in some situations, that consequences of actions should be accepted,

Unconditional love should be two way ideally.

This cannot be forgotten, ignored, just left. This young man needs to know, and show he knows, that it is not acceptable to punch other people, let aline their grandma, in an unprovoked attack.

Male violence is a very real issue. Minimising it not an option.

Some of the apologists on here terrify me.

Yanbu
He needs to apologise to you first.

Do not reward his disgusting behaviour by giving him a birthday present.

Your instinctive reaction to being punched was totally normal 💐

@Frangipanyoul8r

i would absolutely shun family over this if i were OP! What can be more serious than being assaulted? What exactly would it take in your book to shun family?

School holidays = bored kids

@Despair1

exactly, op doesn’t need to anything for this boy ever again.

I'm so sorry for what you went through @WearyAuldWumman I could cry for you. Bloody hell

I'm sorry you were punched, but a 14 year old who is hitting, clearly is experiencing some heightened emotions which he cannot regulate.

But he can regulate himself.
It was the comment from his 8y sibling that was the catalyst.
He regulated himself enough to not punch the 8y.
Instead he 'regulated himself' enough to turn round and punch the older women instead.

'Some of the apologists on here terrify me'.

Me too. So how did these apologist happen? Are they men pretending to be women? From another planet? I have never heard anything like it!
The women (and men) that I know would be outraged by this behaviour, and dealing with it. Not exposing their weird and contraversial views on here.
I have to go to bed now, I'll fight the aliens in the morning.

justasking111 · Today 22:00
Sapphire387 · Today 21:45

Oh look... another huge and controversial thread where an OP has dropped a bomb and then not returned.
School holidays = bored kids

You could be right, but we have bigger problems here. The apologists.

What the heck, what are his parents doing about this seriously damaged child of theirs? I’d be terrified if I was his parent, it’s hard to imagine him being rehabilitated into a normal decent man if he’s that far gone – I’ve never heard of a fourteen year old male punching his grandmother. It’s the sort of thing you wouldn’t even imagine.

@justasking111
What a stupid throw away comment 🙄 you've just made,

Just cause @LadySmurf hasn't never posted before it does not mean this mumsnet thread post is fake at all,

She could have had to play down home life issues such as shouting swearing 🤬 volatile envoriment,
that have lead to this punching 👊 incident with her grandson cause of idea of playing happy families charade keeping up appearances etc,

and the reason why this mumsnet thread has acctracted so much interest ,
is exactly cause of the issue of male violence in our society and how to address this in preventive ways before as we all know how prevelant and toxic males influence is in our society,

Violent men were teenagers one time,

Violent men are child men arrested development stuck at that stage,

We live unfortunately of course in pandering toxic men child ego centric world 🌎 too,
and suffer the consequences of this batshit dysfunctional skewed optics every day all over the world,

Their violent behaviour and attitudes don't come from nowhere from a vacuum for Christ's sake,

This mumsnet thread has been insightful in more ways than one,
especially in regards of the reaction to @LadySmurf @plums

, the pandering to heaven sent beholders of plums meat and two veg genalitia is wild off,
the charts madness,
the apologist are out of full force to pander to her teenage grandson hurty feelings in regards of him not having an x box system to play with etc,

Thank you very much.

I've told the story elsewhere on Mumsnet. I hesitate to talk about it in RL because it seems so unbelievable.

It's ridiculous: I'm 64 now and I find myself looking at threads where women ask about lines on pregnancy tests because that's pretty much what happened to me. I couldn't tell for certain whether or not the test was positive, so was waiting a week or so before I retested. (I was in my 40s, you see, so menopause was another option.)

The one good thing that came out of it was that I became very protective of female staff in my department.

I admit that some of the replies on here today are making me both upset and angry.

If my 11 year old lad punched me it would hurt, so a boy 3 years older who is quite likely the size of an adult if not far off would be very painful. I hope you are OK @LadySmurf

I would be angry at my kid (the parent) too to be honest. Disgusting behavior.

He obviously has no remorse and thinks he has not done anything wrong because if he did he would have said sorry. His parents need to treat this seriously if gets away with doing it once he might continue. I know a boy who hit his mum at 14 and despite the school policeman's advice to have him arrested she didn't. He continued and it escalated he made his parents lives a misery being violent and breaking things in the house. He was jailed for domestic violence on his first girlfriend his parents always regretted not pressing charges. I would not get a present he does not deserve one if he cannot tell you he is sorry for what he has done.

May I just add this?

I still do a bit of supply. I was in my permanent teaching post until I was 58.

In my working life I've encountered many instances of boys of 14/15 who have been violent towards women staff members (and occasionally towards smaller and/or older men).

Spookily, they never seem to punch the male members of staff who are built like brick shithouses. They'll stomp their feet and sometimes cry/swear in rage but they don't seem to risk hitting them. Funny that, eh?

The time that I was punched, the two male teachers who were also hit were shorter than the boy and one was on the point of retiring. Our home link officer was an ex-policeman in his 50s. All he had to do was whisper in the boy's ear and he stopped cold.

The day that he retired from his school post, the HL Officer told me what he'd said: "Try that with me, and I'll put you through that effing wall."

excellent advice right there. So sorry you had to deal with this.

It's also where you should learn decent behaviour but also that if you misbehave there will be consequences. When I was teaching there were a few girls who thought they could slap a boy 'for a laugh' but then whined like hell when they were slapped back!

And this post demonstrates just why there are so many feral 'children' on the streets, no-one should tackle them, they have 'rights'. The brat physically assaulted another person, gender, age, relationship are irrelevant, and he got hit in return, End of story.