Fall out with Grandson

[LadySmurf]

Recently I was asked to look after my two grandsons 14 & 8. The 14yo can be a handful with his behaviour and language, but we had a lovely time together, I took them out for the day and they wanted to sleep over. The next morning, 14yo was stroppy and swearing - I asked him to stop and not talk like that. The 8yo said “Mum said if you’re naughty they’ll take away your Xbox for a week” well it was like a red rag. He started shouting and swearing at me - then he punched me in the stomach. I’m very sad and horrified to say, I smacked his face in a reactive moment. When his parents came, I explained what happened and said sorry to him. They said he would apologise the next day - but nothing.
They took him home and now a month on, I’ve not had any contact with him, only the rest of the family.
I saw him yesterday when I visited their house. I said hello and asked how he was? He ignored me and told his brother he hates me.
Its his birthday next week - I don’t feel like giving him a gift. should I still? AIBU?

Exactly.

can't comment, I have no idea on what juvenile justice is now or was then.....what I was pointing out is that you can't blame "modern upbringing" "modern society" or "modern parenting" and of course both then and now, by the time these children meet the justice system, they have already committed such an atrocity at least once.

I’d be asking your daughter/ son if they were coping okay and coming at it that way. Of course it’s not right that you slapped him but I imagine it was an instinctive reaction to being struck that made you lash out. I’d want to know how they were coping and leave the child alone completely.

Its his birthday next week - I don’t feel like giving him a gift. should I still?
Yes, you’re the grown up and the bigger person. Family doesn’t shun each other over incidents like this. He’s a child.

He is not a child. He is a teenager, probably bigger and stronger than his Granny.
At what point do you shun family? At what level of violence? A black eye? Broken bone? Tooth knocked out? A kick? A punch in the stomach would do it for me.
She didn't actually shun him, either.

Yes, you’re the grown up and the bigger person. Family doesn’t shun each other over incidents like this. He’s a child.

The best gift he could receive is learning that he's committed a really awful, criminal act.

while I understand why you hit him, I don't agree with it. it's not really leading by example and he is a child. you are a grown up. you can't tell a child to be non-violent if you've used it too. his violent behaviour is a problem and he will be worse as he grows - his parents must address this. him hitting you is absolutely wrong - in fact, he assaulted you. either way, it's wrong of you both. there is something deeply wrong here and you must help him and yourself. good luck.

All the apologists on this thread need to read this and read it again.

This is surreal.
I cannot believe I am arguing with WOMEN who are not only defending male violence, but suggesting that OP ignores it, apologises for retaliating, and suggesting she rewards the aggressor.
Is it me? Is it one person changing names and having me on? I don't know any women like this. I'm newish here.

Itsallsoboring
Bore off with your victim blaming. Getting really cross with these apologists now.
He's 14, not 4!

while I understand why you hit him, I don't agree with it. it's not really leading by example and he is a child. you are a grown up. you can't tell a child to be non-violent if you've used it too

No. OP was assaulted by someone who possibly has full adult male strength, or close to it, and reacted to the assault.

When you've just been punched in the stomach and are in shock and pain, "leading by example" won't be at the forefront of your mind.

I am frankly stunned at some of the things I've read here. Absolutely mind blowing.

I’m genuinely bothered by the fucking lunatic apologists for male violence on this thread. Hang your heads.

Even if it is, it's no wonder people like Andrew Tate exist. The posts on this thread have deeply shocked me and I am a parent of a very large teen. There isn't a single situation where I would find him punching his grandmother in the stomach as acceptable and needing to be apologised to and rewarded. I am just stunned at the amount of people making excuses for a violent male. It's beyond belief.

Oh just get tae.

Ridiculous.

Maybe violent reactions are something that run through the family

This. He is disrespectful and sounds vile. It's never ok to punch people in the stomach let alone an older female. My DH would have taken his gaming machine and smashed it. He would not get another.

ShadesofPoachedSmoke

Thing is, it's not just ridiculous, it's dangerous.
This kind of thinking is a free pass to any male who wants to test his muscle.
I have gone from being bewildered to angry to bloody scared that women can think this way.

Wow. Not only is he vile but he has shit parents as well, my son (15) wouldn’t see the light of day if he punched my Mum in the stomach, I would be telling you to absolutely not apologise for slapping him and he would be having some serious consequences.

No gift just a card.

Again, like I asked a previous poster who never responded, I will ask you:

Have you ever been hit by a larger stronger male? Do you know that feeling of panic and terror when you don't know if this is the first hit of many that could lead to your severe injury or even death?

Her slap was a defensive, instinctive, reflex to stop someone stronger from continuing to PUNCH her in the GUTS.

Stop excusing, denying and playing down male violence.

Are you on a wind up?

It was an assault. Not an "incident".

The fact people think OP is in the wrong (for reflexively reacting against a teenager who chose to punch her) is genuinely terrifying. I’d be not only not getting him anything for his birthday, but possibly shopping him to the police.

but a 14 year old who is hitting, clearly is experiencing some heightened emotions which he cannot regulate.

He'd regulate them if it was the school bully, I bet

He's big & bad enough to punch a woman,his grandmother - he's big & bad enough to see what happens when you assault people.

I'd give him bugger all until he apologised for his disgraceful behaviour and I'd be telling his parents to take a long hard look at themselves too.

No gift and no card. I'd refuse any interaction at all until a meaningful apology was made. He'll end up in prison if he isn't taught now that actions have consequences. Tough love is needed. He's probably been spoiled rotten.

Never has a thread needed one more.
This thread has been a real eye opener.