Fall out with Grandson

[LadySmurf]

Recently I was asked to look after my two grandsons 14 & 8. The 14yo can be a handful with his behaviour and language, but we had a lovely time together, I took them out for the day and they wanted to sleep over. The next morning, 14yo was stroppy and swearing - I asked him to stop and not talk like that. The 8yo said “Mum said if you’re naughty they’ll take away your Xbox for a week” well it was like a red rag. He started shouting and swearing at me - then he punched me in the stomach. I’m very sad and horrified to say, I smacked his face in a reactive moment. When his parents came, I explained what happened and said sorry to him. They said he would apologise the next day - but nothing.
They took him home and now a month on, I’ve not had any contact with him, only the rest of the family.
I saw him yesterday when I visited their house. I said hello and asked how he was? He ignored me and told his brother he hates me.
Its his birthday next week - I don’t feel like giving him a gift. should I still? AIBU?

I really didn’t think there would come a day when grown women would come on a thread to tell an older woman who has been punched by a teenager, much less her own grandson that SHE is the aggressor. SHE is wrong. SHE should be saying sorry and buying presents and be pilloried for slapping the entitled and violent child who attacked her.

In any other scenario this would be seen as domestic abuse or assault. But because it’s a sent from heaven male child, it’s a poor little lamb who should be hugged and bought presents. The penis pandering is off the bloody scale when it comes to male children.

I have several teen nephews and they worship the ground their granny walks on. If one of them so much as spoke a harsh word to her, the others would sort them out before their parents got to them.

If I was your daughter @LadySmurf I would have very serious words with the parents of this specimen who has clearly still been allowed to think he’s the victim in this. You cannot be allowed to feel guilty in this. He gets nothing until he’s understood he’s done wrong.

God no definitely don't reward him with a birthfay present op.

I hope you are ok.

Sorely needed on this thread.

'Dealing with an adult partner is different from dealing with a 14 year old son/grandson.'

Not in the case of violence it isn't.
Plenty of women have been beaten by male teenage relations, I guarantee there are 14 year olds threatening their female relatives right now.
I won't respond to any more of your posts because an argument between us distracts from the seriousness of the thread.

These violent teens grow up to know they can do whatever the fuck they want.

Of course she does, she's the responsible adult in the situation and she lost control. It wasn't the appropriate way to deal with it.

I would not feel obliged to be in an-control, responsible adult if a thug punched me unprovoked in the stomach.

I just remembered actually getting slapped by my mum when I was 14 (she wasn't a violent person). We were having an argument and I was in the bathroom and I think I used the word "fucking". The door burst open and she slapped me and said "don't ever swear at me again." (This was actually unfair because I wasn't actually swearing at her I was using it as an adjective). But we were both quite... shocked and the argument stopped. I don't think its correct parenting, and I don't think my mum was doing it strategically - it was an impulsive action when we were both angry. But it didn't scar me for life, or ruin my relationship with her. I can't imagine punching her in the stomach even as an angry teenager or what her reaction would have been...

In contrast - if he, as a 14 year old, punched another boy or a man in the stomach he quite likely WOULD receive a clout in return. And he would be considered the aggressor because he started it. That doesn't mean most people would support a grown man beating the shit out of a teenager. But 14 is more than old enough to understand if you hit someone they might hit you back. And that you don't hit your grandma.

If my 14 year old attacked my mother and then said he hated her, he'd be nowhere near her again except maybe under strict supervision. I wouldn't be looking to my mother to sort out MY child either.

This is not a recent thing. Some 60 years ago there were sheep kept in an enclosure in Battersea Park. Teenage boys broke into a store where sporting euipment was stored, stole javelins and stabbed several of the sheep to death. Vets will tell you that its never been a rare thing for animals to be shot with air guns, injured with fireworks and so on. You can't blame it on "modern" society or "modern" parenting.

Btw I also know of several cases where women were battered black and blue by teen brothers when they were growing up, and the parents were too feeble to put a stop to it. I think I've even seen posts about it on here.
Female blood relatives are apparently acceptable collatoral for not having to tell boys no.
One of the women I know no longer gets physically hit by her brother, but he regularly calls her a whore and says he hopes she's found dead in a ditch.
He's an utter shit and she's got awful self-esteem issues. Great parenting.

For one thing slapping a child as a disciplinary measure is entirely legal.Punching a middle aged/elderly wo.an I definitely not.she reacted to shock him into stopping.
Jeez some of the answers on this thread are shocking !

Mike, Bob, Dave, Chris, John, Tony. My Bro's.
I love you. Mumsnet made me say it. .

I think you reacted badly to an awful situation by hitting your grandson back.

You are obviously deeply sorry and I think giving him a gift will help heal wounds, even if he doesn’t deserve it.

ultimately, it’s for his parents to manage this situation. It sounds like your grandson needs a lot of support for the issues he has.

ByPeachSeal · Today 07:51

'You don’t seem to understand. She didn’t need to defend herself. She reacted because she was angry, not because she needed to defend herself.'

'We don't seem to understand'. OK, got it everyone? We just don't understand, that's the problem here.
How the hell do you know that she did not need to defend herself. How do you know he was going to stop at shouting, swearing and 'just' one thump? Hmm?

HE ASSAULTED HER. Fucking hell this thread is insane! All these apologists for violent males.

HE ASSAULTED HER. Fucking hell this thread is insane! All these apologists for violent males.
Yes, I am wondering if some of them are just having a laugh, now - surely nobody can be this naive? Stupid? Ignorant?

.

There are a lot of very worrying attitudes on this threat. It’s hard not to wonder if people are really that stupid or if more nefarious motives are at play.

A lot of people on Mumsnet appear to have a vested interest in seeing the complete collapse of British society.

I can't understand posters who want to tip toe and fucking apologise to the teen.
This is male violence against a woman and some people are saying 'aww he must have something going on" Of course he has but the minute a hit or punch is thrown then boundaries have been crossed.

We all ( should) know that domestic violence escalates and increases in frequency when unchallenged.
This is DV, this is male violence against a woman and no one seems to give a shit.

I would put my house on this kid not hitting a bloke twice the size of him. If he wouldn't do it then why does he think it's ok to do it to his nan. The boy knew exactly what he was doing.
There's been no meaningful consequences. The message us that he can do it again.

As a side note, this is not a unique case. I have dealt with something very similar in the last month ( work related I hasten to add!)

I’m shocked too. Have these posters never had teenagers or know any teenage boys to appreciate how extreme this is?

I think you reacted badly to an awful situation by hitting your grandson back.
How would you react if some one punched you in the stomach "oh, never mind sweet heart, anyway, what would you like for your birthday?''
More fool you!

Violence cannot be minimised. The only gift I would consider is a ticket to watch the play Punch, as I heard recently on the radio a judge had done. https://www.thestage.co.uk/news/judge-references-james-grahams-punch-in-nottingham-sentencing
They also interviewed a lady from this charity https://onepunch.org.uk/about-us/#:~:text=One%20Punch%20envisions%20a%20nation,decision%20to%20engage%20in%20violence.
A single punch can kill, it is very serious

It was my normal growing up. To be beaten and verbally abused day in , day out.

@eggplant16 I'm sorry for you

What would you have done?

Cuddled him?

I genuinely think some people on here would react like that!