12 year old home alone

[Ohwhoknows]

My DP, with whom I do not live, is planning to leave his 12 year old home alone for twelve hours four days a well as those are his shifts/travelling and she won’t agree to go to summer activities. I think this is unreasonable. He doesn’t. What do you think? AIBU?

It's absolutely not illegal...

That’s because she wasn’t getting him to school

I know it was a different era but at the age of under 12 we would be out on our bikes all day and not even at home.

It depends on her personality and interests. As a 12 year old I would constantly have my head in a book.

As long as she has emergency contact numbers and is a sensible 12 year old I don't see the issue. Maybe some rules around what appliances can be used and what she is allowed to cook/make to eat.

However if not a responsible type then that's different.

Perhaps she doesn't want to do the club because she actually wants to spend some time with her family instead! Poor girl

Shes 12. Do you really think she hasn’t clocked that her dad has a job?

Nah, a 12 year old being left alone from 8am until 8pm Monday - Thursday doesn't sound right to me.

Honestly my DD12 stays home during the holidays now. It’s probably not quite as long as 12 hours but I leave at 7:30 ish and someone is home for 4:30/5. She doesn’t get up until 10/11. I make sure we have simple lunches available for her. Sometimes snacky picnic foods (her fav) or microwave food etc. She watch’s movies, reads, draws, chats online to her friends etc. She is perfectly fine and happy. She has access to a phone to message / call us at any time.

Modern life!

When I got home she'd cleaned the hob, cleaned one of the cupboards, and tidied another. She'd also done her chores. I'm sure she spent a chunk of the day on screens too, and it looked like some crafting went on.

I'm leaving her again today - I have a meeting I can't move. She already has plans for what she wants to do whilst I'm gone. Friday DP will be here so she's made plans to go meet up with friends.

I'm not surprised you're leaving her. She'll have the entire house looking gleaming for you by the end of today.

12 years old is fine but that's too many hours and too many days

I have left my now 13 year old (since 12) home alone a couple of days max a week for around 10 hours during school holidays when working.
12 hours 4 x a week is quite a lot but im guessing they don't really have any other option.

At 12 she should be doing as she is told. I'd offer a range of activities or go to Grandparents but they would not be home alone for 12 hours. Up to an hour at most.

The vast majority of 12yo would be capable (and most would be perfectly happy) at being let for more than an hour!!

What do they do when they get in from secondary school at 3.30/4? Many parents wouldn't be back from work until 6.30/7pm.

Honestly, no wonder young adults can't cope when the go off to uni or start work. Parents are doing them no favours!

exactly?

at 12 i was able to make myself lunch, be trusted to lock the house up if i was going out. i could walk to my friends houses and go to local parks or fields.

why are we infantilizing 12 year old's?

why do people insist on giving kids itinerary's and micromanaging every second of their day? being 'bored' is a good skill to learn. I spent most of that time reading books, watching movies or out with my friends. I had a great social life and also appreciated the trust my parent had in me!

I am a single parent with a full time job so I get 5 weeks vacation a year. Summer holidays alone is 6 weeks. Then there is 2 weeks Easter, 2 weeks Xmas and 3 x 1 week half terms. It is not possible for me to spend all of my DDs school holidays with her. I use every day of leave I get to spend time with her in her school holidays but for a lot of it she has to be in childcare or home alone. She is ASD and holiday clubs are terrible for her. She wants to be home alone. We live rurally so no friends can come over without someone willing to play taxi and to be honest she'd struggle with a full day of people - even her best friend. I feel guilty about it but what do I do? It's easy to get a doy waller to pop in for an hours visit at lunchtime to feed and walk him but no such service seems to exist for kids!!! My DD campaigns hard to be left alone and enjoys it (and also rings me for a chat pretty often!)

I think there's a balance to be struck between recognising that a 12 year old should be more than capable of being left at home for a few hours at a time and leaving them alone for 12 hour stints 4 days of the week.

When mine was a toddler, a couple of times a 12 year old we knew came over and played with my daughter for the morning. It was a win-win - she wasn't being babysat as such, but she wasn't alone all day, and I got some work or chores done while she occupied the toddler. Do you know another family where that might be helpful?

This is not a legal grey area at all - the law says that
children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time & children under 16 should not be left alone overnight

Those people saying they only leave their 12/13 year old for 30 minutes - how does that even work?! Surely that's exactly the age when they should be granted a bit more freedom so they're able to function as independent 16/17/18 year olds?

IMO it's not ideal - she has no friends and no hobbies? Is there really nothing she would like to do in that time that she could sign up for? maybe a relative she could go and stay with for a few days?

But she is too old for summer camps anyway so it's a tricky one.

How old was the child?

The only people I know who have got in trouble have left children under 10 alone.

Myself, siblings, siblings children, cousins, friends' children and colleagues children have all been left alone in the day from secondary age. Most children go visit friends or decide to stay in bed most of the day reading/watching TV/whatever.

In some cases we have been entertained in the office by a child ringing up their parent because of some issue that isn't really a problem.

Any family or friends nearby?

No - that is the NSPCC guidance. There is no law (in England certainly). The law states that it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk. That is down to the parent's individual judgement for each child.

I think as long as she's happy and she has someone to contact in an emergency, then it's fine.

At 12, mine would have slept until lunchtime, made themselves breakfast/lunch, done any chores then sat in their gaming chairs until I got home.

If they wanted to go out, they had to call me first to let me know where they were going and how long they would be but they loved having the house to themselves.

We didn't have a choice, school holiday care where we are only went to 11yrs.

I agree, it may not be a great idea, depends a lot on the child whether it's safe for her, but .gov and nspcc states clearly that there is no law on this
https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone#:~:text=The%20law%20does%20not%20say,home%20or%20in%20a%20car.

What is so bad at leaving 12y old home alone?
She wants to be home alone.
She does not want to do any activities.
Children have packed schedule since they are 1 and from age of 4 they need to stress about school.
Let her chill at home and relex.

Idk why some on MN are obsessed with micromanaging every minute of childs life.

12 hours is a long time. I'd have happily left mine for 6-8 hours but 12 seems too much. However how far away is he. Can he, or another family member/friend get there quickly if the need were to arise?

that is the direct quote from the government website. think we can be pretty sure that's the legal position....