To think he's said this in case he doesn't want to eat with me?

[Ceeeeee]

I made a profile on an app and some guy's asked me out for a bite to eat. I said yes, and we've agreed to meet this weekend.
Now he's said shall we have a short walk first before the food to 'see how we feel'?

That's obviously code for, I'll see if I fancy you and if not I don't have to eat with you. It wasn't a fancy sit down meal, just a quick bite to eat like. Should I still go ahead? I don't know why, this has put me off slightly.
It was only some waffle place, I wouldn't go for a formal meal for a first date either. Should I still go?

I don't see him putting his hand on my waist as 'chivalrous'. I also am not part of the group that moans about whether men are or not.
It's not about giving someone a chance, if they aren't for you, there's no point.

Are you that bloke?
Yes I am better off alone than with someone I'm not into, that's kind of the point 🤣

Chivalry is assisting someone in a small way or putting their comfort first. Doesn't usually involve touching or 'guiding' an able bodied person as this isn't helpful, it's just touching them. Fine if the date is tactile and flirty but I don't believe this one was.

How much more of a chance should she have given him? She let him bang on about himself for a good hour.

actually when he turned up and it was clearly apparent he had lied on his profile re his height,
I would have quoted his very own words at him ' see how we feel ? ' I would have said something along the lines of ' i am not feeling your height in relation to your profile ' and left then.

as all this nonsense about having a walk before possibly having a waffle was all from him.

The verrrrry sloowwwww wayy of speeeakkkinnggg put me off. He didn't constantly speak like that, but then kept saying 'mmmmmmm yeahhhhhhh' at random intervals.

And he said loudly 'well it's been a great day, I had a job interview and now we've got a date!!'

I think you have been lovely enough to him after his shoddy behaviour pre date.

I’d have been tempted to quote his words back at him. You’re clearly a better person than me 😂

Just didn't fancy him at all. It's not his fault, just didn't

I think this is a huge lesson to a lot of people. You can enjoy chatting to someone , think they are attractive in their photos, and meet them and simply not fancy them in the flesh.

i see so many posts on here where the genders are reversed, man meets women, doesn’t wish to see woman again, and the responses are always maybe he’s married or he just wished sex. In reality it is simply what you encountered, you met, and just didn’t fancy him.

He had his chance and he blew it by being a socially incompetent weirdo who touches women he’s just met round the waist

There’s quite a difference between 6’ and 5’7” !!

He sounds such hard work. I can't believe he tried the 'saving for a holiday when I'm 40 in 7 years time ' line! What a shoddy excuse for being tight with money.

Some people need a good friend to sit them down and explain how to behave if you want to find love. Being honest, enthusiastic, imaginative and respectful are essentials.

I once went on a coffee date with someone (because, as pointed by others on this thread, it's a low key way of sussing someone out). He wanted to go for a little walk afterwards, which I agreed to as it was a nice day, then he randomly wanted to go for dinner when we passed somewhere. I wouldn't have suggested it and I don't normally do dinner one first dates, but I agreed as he was a nice guy and we were having a nice time chatting. He insisted on paying for dinner... and then didn't want a second date.

I did message him afterwards and he messaged back, but that was it.

I remain to this day baffled as to why he wanted dinner if he had no intention of seeing me again!

I didn't think there was a spark and I would have happily parted ways after the coffee, but he's the one who prolonged the date. Seemed like a nice bloke though. I hope he's met someone!

I knew the minute I met him I didn't fancy him due to the lying about his height and the off-putting way he spoke. Is that weird?

Not weird at all.

Fancying someone isn't just about a chemical reaction between two people (although that helps enormously), it also relies on nuances such as lies, overstepping invisible boundaries, manipulation, control as well as compatability and feeling comfortable around them. So no, not weird at all.

It's never weird not to be attracted to someone!

He might have enjoyed your company well enough for the date and been happy to treat you (he might have thought he should since it was his suggestion), but just not seen it going further than that.

Yeah with OLD, I and a date would sometimes find ourselves enjoying a meeting and seeing it through as a self contained one off evening knowing full well we hadn't enough in common to do it again. Even occasionally going home or kissing if the vibe was right.

It would be if they were good company and you've chosen well, but you're just not quite on a wavelength to start a relationship.

We would then mutually let it fizzle.

I think this happens a lot more when dating than the date being married or only out for sex or whatever other reason is usually offered on here. Sometimes I would definitely think 'aw- I thought he was a bit more interested' and vice versa but learnt not to take it personally.

He's just said the quiet bit out loud.

Back in the dark ages when I was dating you would alway arrange a first date as a drink only (coffee or alcohol) and on a week night/weekend afternoon so there was plenty of wiggle room if it was not going well but scope to continue if you wanted.

I went on a date once with someone who looked nothing like his profile (and was indeed quite a lot shorter).

I actually would have dated him if I'd met him in real life and he'd asked me out, but it was the lie that put me off, IYKWIM?

Re speaking, not at all. I find the way a man speaks to change how attractive he is, and sadly, you can't really tell that in advance as dating sites only show you photos and written words.

Maybe. It didn't bother me that he wasn't interested as there wasn't really anything there, but I typically only let people pay for me if I think I'll see them again, so I can then treat them back. So I felt a little funny about that.

It is a shame though. I'm a nice person. He was a nice person. And yet... no match. It's curious just how matches on paper mean absolutely nothing in real life.

It's one of the reasons why I hate online dating. You don't get that chance for people to grow on you - you both make a snap decision because that's all you can do, really.

Since when is touching someone who doesn't want to be touched (mostly because you are a stranger to them, but also because most people like their personal space) chivalrous?

I think that's the opposite of chivalry.