Sitting around on bed during the day

[Ferngardens]

Fed up of my husband sitting around on the bed all the time. He just sits there reading or on his phone for hours over the week. Especially in day clothes I don't think it's very nice, plus bad for his back and the bed surely. I get why kids hang around in their rooms but think it's something people grow out of surely. I wish he'd find a chair or something to do! It annoys me when there's piles of washing on the bed and he's just there scrolling away. I feel like I can't go in the bedroom because he's just hanging around on the bed and it's irritating.

I’d be annoyed that he hadn’t put the washing on the bed away. Does he pull his weight around the house? If not, that obviously needs to change.

If he does, but just chooses to chill out on the bed, that wouldn’t bother me. People are different and your way of doing things isn’t the only way.

Day clothes on the bed aren’t nice? I don’t really see the issue. Unless he’s covered in mud or oil or something?

What an odd thing for an adult to do ? Does he not have a life ?

Do you not spend time together downstairs?

I completely agree with you OP. I hate it when my DH sits on the bed after I've just made it. Use a chair ffs! Tbf though, he doesn't do it for hours on end. More a maximum of 10 mins after finishing work. But I hate it!

Does he have a job? Does he WFH? Is he doing this within working hours, or outside them?

Sounds like he's hiding in case he's expected to contribute to normal family life.

I wouldn’t particularly care whether it was a bed or a chair and I don’t get the taboo about “day clothes” on the bed at all.

But I think grown adults who piss their free time away scrolling are lame as fuck and I would hate that.

But you’re on MN…? Not being rude, but isn’t there a bit of a contradiction there?

@Harara fair question LOL. I am preparing a meal (multitasking honestly).

Social media/dicking about on the internet has it’s place and almost everyone does it a bit but anyone who sees it as their sole form of recreation is a saddo.

We do spend time together, but I'm usually getting stuff done and he's usually sitting around. This is the evening or weekend, we both work otherwise. I wouldn't mind if it's 10 mins but he can spend the whole afternoon. I just feel like it's not what our bed is for, his lazy hangout place.

This is strange behaviour. I don't know of any adults that sit in their bedroom, unless perhaps it's also used as a work/study space. What is he looking at on his phone? Does he look anxious when you walk in? Is this every weekend and evening?

Feeling attacked here

I love some chill time on my bed but it’s because I feel a bit exposed sitting chilling in my living room. Even though I KNOW no one cares.

My DP does this. Except he lies on the bed and springs into a sitting position when he hears me on the stairs.

I would always hang out on my bed if I wanted to read/dick about with my phone/watch TV/work/study. I didn't realise I was that unusual. I have always used my bed for that kind of thing since I was a teenager. I don't do it to escape from family life particularly but if I have downtime - eg DH has taken DS out - I'll always head to the bed.

I don't see what's weird about it? I'm lying on my bed at the moment, reading Mumsnet on my phone. I've also had a scroll through Instagram and looked up train times for tomorrow. I'm in day clothes/loungewear. I've just put some washing away and have grabbed five minutes while DH bathes the kids.

I can't get comfortable downstairs, so come 8 on a work night, sometimes before, I go to bed. Sometimes on, sometimes in. Weekends I don't normally come down until I've had a brew and a read. What do you want him to do instead? Sit on the sofa?

I don't do it all day every day but I usually sit on my bed rather in the living room when I'm at home. Don't know why, my bedroom is just cosier. I live in a flat though so it's all on one floor!

I just feel like it's not what our bed is for, his lazy hangout place.

What an insane thing to have a bee in your bonnet about.

It’s not really where he does it that matters so much is it, surely it’s more that he spends hours on his phone avoiding family life? Very cheeky not to put away the clean laundry too.

Garden sheds, workshops, and studies have been used for years by men to avoid domestic duties.

What is he trying to avoid? Why has he got hours of time to do this?

I often lounge round on my bed. Reading , tv , scrolling. I work full time. House is clean and tidy.
In my clothes!
It's more comfortable and warmer up here.

I have hours of time to do it. My house is clean and tidy. All the washing is done. Some needs putting away but the kids can do their own when they go to bed. We've all been fed. The dishes are done. The dogs happy.

What's wrong with adults hanging out and reading in bed? While wearing clothes?

This is a daily activity in my house

It's my favourite place to decompress from the day. I need alone time. And it's 10 x more comfy than my sofa. Happy to socialise downstairs, but need my own space/time in my room. I used to be most pissed off when exDH interrupted or joined me 😆

@bluetopazlove

oh the irony, he's on his phone, you're posting on here?

you must need a life too!!

I like my bed it's more comfortable.