Sitting around on bed during the day

[Ferngardens]

Fed up of my husband sitting around on the bed all the time. He just sits there reading or on his phone for hours over the week. Especially in day clothes I don't think it's very nice, plus bad for his back and the bed surely. I get why kids hang around in their rooms but think it's something people grow out of surely. I wish he'd find a chair or something to do! It annoys me when there's piles of washing on the bed and he's just there scrolling away. I feel like I can't go in the bedroom because he's just hanging around on the bed and it's irritating.

Honestly this sounds like the kind of thing my, nice but slightly controlling, mum would get annoyed about.

The laundry/not contributing to family life because on his phone instead, sure, absolutely agree on this.

But why would sitting on the bed be bad for it? That's nonsense and surely just something you'd say because you felt irritated by the situation.

Oooh lying on the bed in the day time is heaven. If I'm first home from work I'm straight into loungey slob clothes. Cup of tea. Good book or iPad on the bed. Fan on if it's warm, buzzy heater in the cold. Classic fm. Bliss. But I wouldn't ever read downstairs and I don't watch tv on my own. Cats also like lying on the bed with me.

Same!! Single mum here with a teenage daughter. She spends a lot of time lying on her bed so I decided to see what it was about. It's bloody marvellous!! 😂

Agreed

And the day wear business is utterly controlling.

It sounds like you feel irritated that he feels able to relax, whilst you feel obligated to get the washing tidied away and have certain ideas about acceptability.

Would you like to be able to relax too? Because that is a choice, you can choose to relax and come back to the jobs.

Have you explicitly asked if he will help, so you can relax and do something together? You know what is in your mind, but he doesn’t and clearly has very different ideas of what is normal.

It sounds like the source of the problem isn’t your partners relaxation on a bed full of washing, but an inability to communicate needs and desires.

So far on mums net shut door on man if he's making oats in the kitchen man is lazy for sitting on his own bed in clothes.
I spend a lot of time on my bed if I've got nothing to do.
Its his home as well as yours.
You moan he's on his phone but yet your on mums net talking about him.
Controlling much you sound like my ex.
Day clothes would it be better if he was sitting there with nothing on.

I beleive the OP has control on what the bed is for, how or why I have no idea

I sometimes sit/lie on my bed during the day reading, and - gasp - wearing my day clothes. Don't see the problem tbh.

Why would sitting or laying on the bed be bad for the bed.
It's what it's designed for.
Same as a chair or sofa.
Day clothes that's just stupid talk.
Is he not allowed to relax in his own home.

@5128gap

Ooh, I don't think so. It's not my place to comment on what my man does! He'd think me most presumptuous! I think its best that I just wait to go up to run his bath until he's stopped lying down so I don't startle him in future. But thank you so much for your advice. You must have a very modern marriage yourself

I'm in the sort of marriage where my husband doesn't nervously jump to attention when I walk past whichever room he's in.

He's depressed. This is not good. Talk. Get a counsellor

You know this because???

🤣🤣🤣

Mumsnet is fucking nuts.

Oh, and OP...

feel like I can't go in the bedroom because he's just hanging around on the bed and it's irritating.

What the fuck does this even mean? It's his damn house too. Why can't you go into the bedroom because he's on the bed? If he was reading/on his phone on the couch could you not go into the living room? Your arse is right out the window hen

Mumsnet is truly a mad insight into people's freaky lives.

It is. I find myself in total normal situations sometimes and think how much many on MN would froth and start a thread 😄

Mumsnet is truly a mad insight into people's freaky lives.

Isn't it just? I'm pleased to see so many rational responses on this thread - sometimes I wonder if MN is actually some weird cult that I've stumbled into, where no normal person would venture.

"omg my husband put the butter on the wrong shelf"
"you need to be careful is he is trying to control you, him and his mates have come up with a secret plan and they have installed hidden cameras in the fridge to see watch all the food sat there, you need to leave!"

What made you diagnose this?

I’m guessing the bed is half his? He can do what he likes. He might not agree with your way.

Lying on a bed scrolling is a sign of isolation and depression. I know. As I've been there. And seen many others do the same.

I agree OP. It's not a good sign.

News to me who does it daily. I have a fulfilled family life, career I love, hobbies I enjoy, lots of friends.

Sometimes people like to chill on the bed and switch off.

Not everyone lives the same lives ffs.

Lying on a bed scrolling is a sign of isolation and depression. I know. As I've been there. And seen many others do the same.

Can be.

Not is.

Can be.

I work long hours in a mentally and emotionally exhausting job.

I really value a bit of me time lying on my bed, reading, scrolling, looking at the trees through my bedroom window, drinking tea, alone and quiet with my thoughts.

I'm not isolated or depressed.

It's one of the simple pleasures in life.

It's what I'm doing right now tbh!

Sometimes I just like lying on my bed if I have time during the day, sometimes reading, sometimes with some chilled music on, sometimes it's even before I've finished tidying! I make no apologies for that, because I'm a grown up and I can do what I want cos it's my bed! Oh and it's in "day clothes" I really don't see why the church elders clutch their pearls about that?

Of course if your DH isn't doing anything around the house and it's an avoidance tactic that's a different story.

Lying on a bed scrolling is a sign of isolation and depression. I know. As I've been there. And seen many others do the same.

Lying on a bed scrolling is a perfectly normal thing to do, as long as it's not excessive. Just as sitting in front of the tv for 5 hours a day might be a sign of depression, but watching a bit every day almost certainly isn't. I often lie on my bed scrolling. I have a busy job, nice colleagues, a happy family and various hobbies. I'm not remotely isolated or depressed!