Sitting around on bed during the day

[Ferngardens]

Fed up of my husband sitting around on the bed all the time. He just sits there reading or on his phone for hours over the week. Especially in day clothes I don't think it's very nice, plus bad for his back and the bed surely. I get why kids hang around in their rooms but think it's something people grow out of surely. I wish he'd find a chair or something to do! It annoys me when there's piles of washing on the bed and he's just there scrolling away. I feel like I can't go in the bedroom because he's just hanging around on the bed and it's irritating.

What a weirdly intense response. No idea where you got the idea I was judging him. I was trying to work out what the actual situation was so I could decide whether I thought the OP was BU or not. Since that is what this thread is for and why she created it.

Yes, I have a job. Yes, I WFH. As you can see I posted at 5:41pm, so I had finished work for the day.

I think most posters would feel differently about his behaviour depending on whether he was unemployed and scrolling all day, or employed and scrolling in his breaktime (if he WFH) or scrolling when he gets back from work (if not). Not quite sure why that seems to have left you so frantically triggered.

I practically live in my bed. If i didnt have a family a living roomwould probably be a waste of time.

Takes all sorts, OP!

I moved out with a vile excuse of a human when I was 18 and 7 months later got my own little 1 bed flat. I used to clean it top to bottom on a Friday when I finished work and then unless I had people over I just used to live in my room. It was glorious. I look back at the 12 months I lived alone fondly.

@bluetopazlove

im very sorry to hear that. I'd be a hot mess in that situation!

However, I still think your post was out of order, all of us are wasting time on line, why be horrible about a man you don't know?

Does he have any redeeming features other than being an un engaging bore?

He clearly has no interest in you or doing things together so set him free to go and lounge on his own bed whilst you go forth and do interesting things.

I lay on my bed all the time, but perhaps it's because I'm in a flat so the rooms are more interchangeable. I agree about day clothes though and have a large throw over it which protects the duvet from pet hair as well.

Could I just say how relieved I am to scroll through the replies and realise that other people also love to relax on the bed, in the daytime, with their clothes on! It's my favourite spot. The cat is usually there. Also, I'm an introvert and need a place to decompress when my family is too loud.

Sometimes I think I spend too much time on the bed, but fortunately my family is used to it and they know they can pop in to talk to me if they want to.

I agree with other posters that the real issue is whether you and your DH have equal amounts of leisure time. If he has more than you, that's not OK, regardless of whether he's spending it in bed or not.

I think there’s a tendency on Mumsnet to assume that any use of a phone for recreation is ‘mindless scrolling’.

But if I spend an hour or two on my phone, I might be having a chat with a friend or family member, reading a book, playing chess or Scrabble while I listen to a podcast, reading a newspaper, learning a language, paying a few bills, booking some appointments, watching a craft tutorial… the list is endless. I wouldn’t call any of that ‘dicking about’.

Mostly, my living room is for when people are here. I relax in/on my bed.

Agree. It’s one of those things people only seem to lose their shit over on Mumsnet, never in real life. I cannot believe anyone is actually that prissy and uptight.

I’m in my 50s, female, and my bedroom is my favourite space! I go there to read, or just get some peace and quiet (in our open plan house with DC, dogs, and a DH who loves playing music). I’ve always preferred to spend time in my bedroom rather than the sitting room… In fact, back when I was single, I didn’t use my sitting room in my flat at all. I don’t think it’s that shameful or unusual!

😄 I do this in my child free time 😁

The issue isn’t him being on the bed, the issue is you don’t feel he’s pulling his weight. Tell him.

is he retired or on leave op?

I’m a 33 year old woman and I do!
I like to lie down to read so will often sit or lie on the bed. I don’t think that’s it’s self is weird. The sitting there all day and not doing anything else is what’s weird!

I work from home in a 3 bed house with a living room and I spend most of my spare time on the bed! Including in clothes (although not outdoor clothes that have been on the bus). I prefer to watch TV or scroll on the bed instead of the sofa, it feels more casual during the day and cosy in the evening. Glad I’m not the only one! I live alone so no one to judge me here but I think it’s pretty common in houseshares when you’d like privacy or there’s no living room to use your bed as your sofa/desk/dining table etc.

I often sit IN my bed. Sometimes I just need some time somewhere quiet away from everyone.

Ooh I do all my share of the housework and work a full time job but on Fridays when I work from home I drop off the kids at nursery and have a full hour scrolling shit on my phone. It’s my decompression time and I’m engaged with the kids and Dh all other hours of the week and the house doesn’t suffer as a result. I think this is a DH problem not a ‘how you use your downtime’ problem.

Sitting in bed on the weekend and aimlessly watching the world out the window is one of my official hobbies. I also like to have, a cat sitting in bed with me, tea and Jaffa cakes. I have a very busy life and it's the way I reset or decompress.
Even better if I have a random day off work and it's a school day so I can slope off back to bed post school run with a quiet house. Rarely happens but completely blissful.

I wouldn't like this either OP

I had no idea people had such issues with wearing 'outdoor' clothes in ones bedroom. Bonkers.

I took to working from bed when I couldn't afford to have the heating on in the day over the winter. It's a hard habit to break...

You're being unreasonable I love time to relax on my bed never wear day clothes on it but I enjoy doing it

I'm surprised dh hasn't discovered this idea. Foolishly, he chooses to sit on the sofa and do nothing, which means he's easy to find and therefore easy to direct. Free time is all well and good, but not if there are things to be done.

@KreedKafer

I think there’s a tendency on Mumsnet to assume that any use of a phone for recreation is ‘mindless scrolling’.

You are right there is a lot of silly snobbery about this and you’re right also that there’s a huge difference between, say, learning a language on your phone and mindlessly watching TikTok. And I am guilty: I do judge people harshly for being over dependent on their phones.

I do think though that using a phone has to be done with a degree of mindfulness otherwise it just turns people into zombies. It’s like anything else: using it purposefully can be a good thing. Mindlessly zoning out for hours not so much.

My daughter’s babysitter works for a nursery and she said she’s lost count of the number of applicants for jobs there who cite “going on my phone” as a hobby. Which is really fucking depressing. Anyone who counts having a smartphone as a hobby needs to go to rehab.