for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

[MrsPuddle]

I dont particularly enjoy my job or it would be ok, but now he is 65 and I am 55, I am getting resentful as he is out and about enjoying himself, going on lads holidays etc and I am stuck at home behind a screen. I just cant do this for another 5 years, but he cant see the problem. If we wait until I am 60 he will be 70 and he will be older and who knows, maybe not well, and not inclined to be active with me. We will have enough money, if we just tighten out belts in retirement. Has anyone else faced this issue with an older partner? thanks

Yes, this. 60 is still early.

Well, probably not in your 20’s but your 40’s maybe….

I think I would be upset that he didn’t want my company as part of his retirement.

Tell him that when you retire you will expect and take the same number of years of active retinas he has and if that means you are off in Lanzarote with your women friends while he is recovering from a hip replacement then so be it!

When can you draw your private or work pension? Can the two of you manage until you get your state pension in 12 years?

Tell him that as you will likely outlive him by 10 years you would rather retire earlier and spend more of his pension upfront than have his remaining pension to live on once he is gone.

I'm older than my husband so if he works till normal retirement age I'll be about 74.

Based on that we aim for him to retire a few years early or go part time. I must admit I'm a bit grumpy at the thought of him being able to retire early but I know it's ridiculous because I want to spend more time with him.

I'm not even planning to properly retire at all so its just daft I'm annoyed.

My wife is 8 years younger than me. I'll be retiring at 65, so she'll be 57 at the time. Assuming we are both healthy/alive we'll be retiring together. We want to enjoy free time and travel together and we're working hard to make sure our pensions will be enough to support that.

This is such a level of hyperbole. Good lord.

Maybe work winter and take summer off ?

Nonsense. She's retiring at 60 and he will be 70. Not all 70 year olds have health issues and require carers.

I see where you're coming from OP. He's making hay while the sun shines. Which is fine, except that risks leaving you high and dry if your retirement is spent looking after him.

You need to have a conversation about how you want to enjoy your retirement too, that you want to enjoy time with him while he's still fit and healthy, and how you don't want to spend your life having children, working, then caring for him. That's not acceptable, especially when stats show that men consistently have a lower life expectancy than women.

Tough talks ahead. Don't let him fob you off.

"its about having a partner on a very different lifestyle to your own. Not something I was thinking of in my twenties when I met him!"

But you've had 35 years to think about this. I can't grasp why you are so resentful. Is there a reason why?

That is what may happen if you marry someone 10 years older than you. Such an age gap comes with numerous pitfalls.

I haven't seen how long you've been together. I married an older DH, but from the start I began saving hard towards early retirement, but even still, he will have had about 7 years of retired life before I'm able to join him.

How much will your pension be compared to your current salary

I think you’re ridiculous and completely unreasonable. He’s done his time, you have only 5 more years. You’re lucky to be even able to retire at 60. I’m baffled as to why you think you should be able to retire at the same time, it’s nothing to do with being a partnership. Stop being lazy and entitled.

One the one hand you say you didn’t take any time out with kids and then on the other you say your income greatly reduced due to kids?

Honestly the op is only 55. Despite the merchants of doom on here, chances are ahead will live into her 80s. She has 30 more years ahead of her.
I'd rather keep working for a few more years than expecting my husband and I to penny pinch for the next 10 years trying to live on one pension .
Retiring on a shoe string is fairly crap especially for your husband who did everything right and worked for 40 years but is still expected to tighten his belt and forego his plans for a few hols etc so you can quit work 10 years early .

Maybe try a different job that you like more on less hours.

I personally wouldn't do this to my partner fyi, I'd want to retire together, so to me you're not being unreasonable.

And surely marriage is a partnership.

One is retired and goes off galivanting on lads' holidays whilst the other has to still work - what about reducing the money spent on holidays to enable the other to retire a bit earlier.

I don't believe some of the responses on here

Heh it's take no prisoners when it comes to pensions

I get it OP , married to someone 8 years older and I have no intention of working when he retires . It is about having good times together before health starts to fail . It is also about a realisation that we may be without them in later life . You don’t think about this when you are young . Fortunately DH and I are in the same page on this .

This is a conversation you should have had a very long time ago

Marriage is a partnership and therefore you put equal in and that includes working to retire at the same age, that is only fair. You could use this time to add to your own pension by making additional contributions via an AVC.

DH has a much bigger pension than me. I can't complain because he does a much more stressful job. All money goes in the shared pot and I expect our pensions will too.

It’s the man’s fault.
Leave him?

I understand where you're coming from. My late husband was significantly my senior. Before we got married, we agreed he'd retire at 65, but he decided to retire at 60, thinking he'd be able to start a business. It didn't work out and it did impact on our standard of living.

He became unwell...was probably unwell before he retired, to be fair. I finished up retiring at 58 to be his carer. Took a cut in my pension to do that.

Now widowed. I have enough to live on, but I'd have been comfortable if I'd kept working to 60.

The irony is that once he was retired and I wasn't, DH resented it. I had to point out we'd entered an age gap relationship with our eyes open. There were disadvantages to me and being without me during his retirement was part of the disadvantage to him.

I did not benefit financially from marrying my husband. I was the main breadwinner for all but the first 4 years of our marriage.