In laws won’t help with childcare.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

Can’t work out if I’m sounding like an entitled little cow or if I’m actually in the right.

DC is 2 years old & has recently broken her ankle.

current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery.

due to this ankle break nursery have said she can come in, but only if she’s not requiring regular Calpol. She’s absolutely fine, but is still needing some Calpol & is fine once she’s had the Calpol.

my parents work but have reduced to 4 days per week to have DD one day.

Father in law doesn’t work, never has & mother in law WFH. So when they have DD MIL is working upstairs & FIL is with DD.

We are struggling with childcare but in laws have made it very clear they don’t want to help out. MIL is on leave this week; & has said “ we’re going XYZ on Fridays” (day DD is in nursery).

i asked if they could help out with childcare and they said “well I guess we don’t have a choice.” But then 2hrs later said they had instead decided to book something so couldn’t.

myself & DH have had quite a bit of time off juggling this ankle break.

I understand that DD isn’t in laws responsibility but I just feel pissed off they won’t help. It’s not for bloody ever!!!!

OP this is puzzling me but it's not particularly relevant so no need to answer if you don't want to, but just wondering how you've already burned through 11 days of leave between you when you only need to cover 1.5 days? If it was just to cover the nursery days that would nearly cover the whole period. Was she in hospital at the start?

Dc can’t attend nursery, that’s the point of the thread. Op needs 6 weeks more childcare to cover dd not being at nursery while she needs calpol for pain relief.

I can understand your MIL wanting to use her annual leave as planned so this Friday seems to be a write off.

Youve had loads of suggestions for the next few weeks
flex work pattern to accommodate half days in nursery so no calpol required
administer calpol yourself if allowed
negotiate for calpol to be administered as a prescription med
investigate if ongoing calpol needed at all
take unpaid leave
ask your parents to flex their non working days so they can cover 2 days

I’d add
ask if FIL will cover future week days when MIL are back at work. It maybe it’s just MIL break he can’t cover
use your non short notice annual leave to cover the later days. You will then be paid. You have a preschooler and the reality of being a parent is often that you use your annual leave for mundane stuff not for fun
maybe your own parents will use their annual leave to cover a day or two extra. You feel your MIL should be doing this so it shouldn’t be an imposition to ask same of your parents

It’s probably time to move on from your disappointment and defending your position on that to getting a plan in place

That is most definitely not what all families do.

I never received a single hours care from my GP when I was a child and now I’m a parent my DS doesn’t get any care or assistance from his GP.

DH and I are totally self sufficient and not reliant on anyone else for time, money or assistance.

Can't you get signed off work as having to care for her?
My dh was recently hospitalised. My GP signed me off for 2 weeks so I could care for him when he was discharged.

Could someone pop over to the nursery during the day to give her Calpol? Would the nursery be happy to keep her then?

Or if you give her both Calpol and nurofen in the morning would that last her through the day?

Not the point but I’m interested to know how your FIL has managed not to have worked his whole life.

Sounds tough OP. Could you dose your DD with Calpol before nursery and then pick her up early those days giving her a dose immediately so it's not too long between doses?
I don't think she'll need painkillers for the full duration. My mum broke her ankle and the pain subsided reasonably rapidly after the initial break.

Just checking, would you call a woman a "lazy arse sponging off her working husband"?

I misread, then, as understood nursery said she can come in provided not needing regular calpol - but that can be managed, surely - a dose as you drop off, and maybe wfh for a few days so can pop in to administer lunchtime dose (the calpol will only be needed for a few days, anyway, and you’re not allowed to prescribe for much longer than that?)

But my point still stands - OP and DP will be entitled to compassionate/family leave and/or flexible work arrangements in the circumstances for a week until calpol not required. Not IL’s responsibility to fulfil a function that the employer/parents can perform.

That. It's hardly been mentioned by anyone (and glossed over by OP). The person who already has her daughter a day a week, has booked leave to have a break with her husband on a day when she doesn't normally have the child.

Expecting her to give up her holiday is unfair. All the more so because she's expected to do so all over a couple of spoons of Calpol.

I think you’ve done well @WhatsMyUsername89 from going from not having a village/any help at all from grandparents to the position you’re in now. You’re clearly persuasive, but I wouldn’t push my luck or you may find your new village disappears

YABU and entitled. Your in-laws do help you every week. They’re not obliged to put their lives on hold so they’re available at a drop of a hat to look after your child. Your child is your responsibility. Take leave - annual or unpaid. That’s what most parents do.

I’m sure you’re not a cow but you do sound very entitled.

Yeah, someone ought to tell your PIL that you're slagging them off to strangers online because they won't do exactly what you want. It's so rude.

OP I don't usually AS but some comments in the thread...

So what has changed since

-Jan when you were going to go NC with your DPs as they showed so little interest in your child but your PIL were amazing

-Feb when neither set of grandparents worked but none were willing to do any childcare for you

-Oct when you were considering moving abroad as you had no support and your child's father was in prison for c10 years

Threads expecting childcare from grandparents are notoriously goady but drive a lot of traffic...

Yikes.

I'm with you OP. This is what family is for! Helping each other out. I think if I were in exactly the same situation as you've described, I would be disappointed too.

I'm going against the grain here. The child broke an ankle, so clearly not a regular situation - it'd be selfish not to help out. I'd muck in for my family any day.

Just keep this in mind when it's their turn for needing care in old age.

Could you take your daughter to nursery, and give her Calpol just before going in? This will last for the half day, and possibly most of the whole day, in which case they could call you if your daughter needs you. Possibly the need for Calpol will reduce after the first few days, and she won't need it for the whole time the cast is on.

😳😳😳

OMG 😂

Could you give your dd a neurofen suppository that will cover the pain for 8 hours before you drop her in to nursery as an alternative to calpol? Not ideal but it would cover the pain for the time she’s in nursery and they would then not need to administer calpol.

Thanks everyone for the responses.

i was very tired and stressed last night so do appreciate how much i sound like a brat.

I am very lucky for the childcare I receive, I’m just very stressed out.

We are struggling to know what to do going forward without this effecting us financially, however it seems we have no other choice. The thought of having to go into debt is stressful.

My frustration is due GP always asking for more time with DD, and when we genuinely need temporary help they don’t want to help.

For all those asking, FIL has never worked as he “doesn’t like someone telling him what to do.” My comments about MIL annual leave were completely unfair, I do see this now.

Thank you to those who have been kind, even those who have disagreed with me but still managed to be kind. Sometimes when feeling stressed you really don’t need people to tell you that you shouldn’t have had children without planning for this.

To those who have managed to get through similar situations without any help, I do commend you.

You’re being entitled. Your daughter is not their responsibility and you should never just assume someone wants to or should look after your child.

Ah...