In laws won’t help with childcare.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

Can’t work out if I’m sounding like an entitled little cow or if I’m actually in the right.

DC is 2 years old & has recently broken her ankle.

current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery.

due to this ankle break nursery have said she can come in, but only if she’s not requiring regular Calpol. She’s absolutely fine, but is still needing some Calpol & is fine once she’s had the Calpol.

my parents work but have reduced to 4 days per week to have DD one day.

Father in law doesn’t work, never has & mother in law WFH. So when they have DD MIL is working upstairs & FIL is with DD.

We are struggling with childcare but in laws have made it very clear they don’t want to help out. MIL is on leave this week; & has said “ we’re going XYZ on Fridays” (day DD is in nursery).

i asked if they could help out with childcare and they said “well I guess we don’t have a choice.” But then 2hrs later said they had instead decided to book something so couldn’t.

myself & DH have had quite a bit of time off juggling this ankle break.

I understand that DD isn’t in laws responsibility but I just feel pissed off they won’t help. It’s not for bloody ever!!!!

This is the thing with the internet, things are not always as they seem.

Not all these posts are mine; some are posted on behalf of friends. For one example my DH is obviously not in prison for 10yrs as he’s currently helping out with our DD while she has a broken.

Well that's a spin!

This

Lots of people on MN are older women who are grandparents. Not wanting to have their time appropriated by other people is not bitterness.

Breaking an ankle is not trivial and a person needs a lot of care. Perhaps they are worried about this? I broke mine some years ago and I am an adult, but was pretty dependent on my DH to look after me. I could not use crutches and had to get a wheelchair. Also it was very painful. I think the nursery are being unreasonable about this, rather than your in laws.

When DD first hurt herself she was in a bit of pain so we agreed with both GP’s that it’s probably best she stays home with myself/DH! We all didn’t feel comfortable with GP having her as she needed her parents

@WhatsMyUsername89 why if your DOs have gone down to four days a week, does it not cover the lost nursery days?

I understand that grandparents don’t have to help, it’s not their responsibility etc, but when I’m a grandparent (one day hopefully) I can’t wait to help!
It works the other way too. Will they expect you to help in their old age? I think families should support each other if they can. It’s great that yours do help but I can see in this situation you need a little more support.

This. What would they do if their parents suddenly moved away/became unwell/etc?

It's a shame they haven't offered to help, as it would have been lovely since FIL could definitely do it. But it's not wrong for them not to and young kids are exhausting.

If it were me, I'd take AL this coming Friday and then expect DC wouldn't keep needing calpol the following weeks. A fracture shouldn't hurt for that long! I'd go back to the GP too. It's not good to have so much paracetamol.

I'd then say to nursery I cannot pay them when there's no good reason she can't attend and find a child minder. This is what a lot of parents with no family help have to do, OP. I do hope you appreciate the fortunate situation you are in.

They are helping, every week.

Her DPs have gone down to four days.

Her MIL is on annual leave and wants to go away for the weekend, hardly a big ask?

@WhatsMyUsername89 did you see my post about whether nursery would let you or a grandparent go in to give her calpol? Would that be an option?

I'm surprised the nursery can't make an exception for once. Can you go back to them?
Most childminders would have no problem accepting her, given the circumstances, and I would think a fair few nurseries would also be flexible.

Sorry; nursery will administer Calpol, but once any child has had Calpol they have to go home. So it doesn’t matter if we were to come in, they’d still need him to go home because of the policy.

This is really callous language to use when talking about an injured family member.

When my dad lost his mobility for a month thanks to medication, we didn't consider helping out as "having our time appropriated". He was our dad, why wouldn't we help? My aunt, uncle, neighbour and even a couple of his friends would come and sit with him too on the odd day so mum could go to work. She was still doing more of the care than anyone else.

Per this thread, we should have told mum to sling her hook and not have the audacity to appropriate our time...

Sorry if it's already been said but she's not going to need calpole every 4 hours for the next six weeks. Can you reduce her nursery down to half days and dose her up before drop off? That way you and the grandparents only need to cover half days? She'll be fine from 8-12 on one dose of calpol.

@WhatsMyUsername89 that's very annoying of the nursery. Hope you find a solution to get you through the next few weeks

@bananaramaterry

Yes, I wrote that it’s good that they help, but with a toddler with a broken ankle, they need a little more help.
Grandparents are absolutely entitled to go away on last minute trip & op is also allowed to feel fed up.

You don't know how lucky you are to have so much help.

You'll have to take unpaid leave like every other parent who isn't lucky enough to have grandparents looking after their child on the regular.

Very weird to assume everyone can just work from home if they choose to.

I'm with you, OP, I don't understand why supposedly loving grandparents who allegedly want to see more of their grandchild can't help out in this one emergency. I wouldn't hesitate if I were them.

Callous? Are you okay?

I was responding to the poster who called people who don't want to do regular childcare bitter, no need for you to be triggered by it.

I can’t imagine not helping out with dgc. I’ve done it around work in the past.
Hope your dd is out of plaster soon, can’t be nice for such a young child.

Mumsnet is so weird about childcare and grandparents. My mum never had any support from anyone when we were young but still goes out of her way to help me and my sibling because we are family and we want to help. I don't think you are entitled at all, I find this attitude bizarre and strangely changes when they need care as they get older and rely on you more (I've seen this a few times now).

But she's not allowed to be ungrateful.

Which she is!

Neither this thread nor the post you responded to was about regular childcare. It's about a temporary need for more help as the child is injured.

And yes, "appropriating their time" is a really callous way to talk about a grandparent helping out with an injured grandchild (or any other close relative). Presumably these are people who love and care for each other.

So why not do it for a friend. I call BS.