In laws won’t help with childcare.

[WhatsMyUsername89]

Can’t work out if I’m sounding like an entitled little cow or if I’m actually in the right.

DC is 2 years old & has recently broken her ankle.

current childcare arrangement is 1 day my DP, 1 day in laws & 1.5 day nursery.

due to this ankle break nursery have said she can come in, but only if she’s not requiring regular Calpol. She’s absolutely fine, but is still needing some Calpol & is fine once she’s had the Calpol.

my parents work but have reduced to 4 days per week to have DD one day.

Father in law doesn’t work, never has & mother in law WFH. So when they have DD MIL is working upstairs & FIL is with DD.

We are struggling with childcare but in laws have made it very clear they don’t want to help out. MIL is on leave this week; & has said “ we’re going XYZ on Fridays” (day DD is in nursery).

i asked if they could help out with childcare and they said “well I guess we don’t have a choice.” But then 2hrs later said they had instead decided to book something so couldn’t.

myself & DH have had quite a bit of time off juggling this ankle break.

I understand that DD isn’t in laws responsibility but I just feel pissed off they won’t help. It’s not for bloody ever!!!!

It is no use for the OP now, but for anyone else reading, it is possible to insure your child against this sort of situation. I did. Mine were avid footballers, and I used to dread a broken leg, or similar. I took out sports insurance from quite an early age. As it happened, I never used it, but it wasn't expensive, gave me piece of mind, and I would not have had to go into debt had they had a broken bone that required me to take weeks of work

My in laws wouldn’t help. It’s not their child.. awkward for you but the truth is it’s your problem. X

I agree with this.

I also think family should help / should want to help but

• they are helping to the tune of 20% already
• i have a 2 year old. They require permanent vigilance and attention. FIL is probably doing little to nothing (ie bare minimum) and mil is v stressed trying to work and keep your DD safe happy and well.

I actually think your nursery refusing to administer calpol is hugely problematic but i use a CM so it may be standard stuff in nursery setting....

You need to sort this out with your (you and DHs) employers

Sorry @WhatsMyUsername89, I understand it’s frustrating but I agree not their problem.

FWIW my MIL was looking after DC 1 day but is undergoing surgery, we’ve had to make a temporary change to my contract until she’s better (and she may never be able to care for them again). DM is retired, in much better health than MIL, but doesn’t want to take it on. Her prerogative.

That said, our nursery give calpol.

You asked how. You go to your line manager and you say “DD has a broken leg and we can’t use existing childcare. DH and I need 1.5 days off a week between us. Please can I make a temporary change of contract and do longer hours so I can work 8.5 days a fortnight until DD can return to nursery.” And your DH does the same. Or you do a 9 day fortnight and take 0.5 day each a fortnight. Just ask.

Firstly - I doubt she will need Calpol for more than another week or so .

Secondly - you take unpaid leave in this situation

Thirdly review your spending to make sure you have savings to cover a rainy day.

Finally YABVU and entitled.

He could just have been sahp or have a disability. We don't know why so don't jump to lazy pisstaker

This.

Everyone smugly telling you that you are entitled would be similarly stuffed if their child had an accident like this.

We have childcare but if things go wrong you can't plan for that.

It would be nice if they offered. I'm sure I would in those circumstances. Different if you expected it all the time but this is for a particular set of circumstances. My in laws helped a lot when my husband was in hospital. They have their own lives and wouldn't do it permanently but it wasn't a situation any of us chose.

Could she do reduced days in nursery?

Hope she recovers soon.

There could be all sorts of reasons why they can’t help you.

It would have been nice, but your DD is not their responsibility. If you can afford it, just take some unpaid leave.

Hope your DD soon recovers.

Surely this is a situation for compassionate or parental leave? It would probably be unpaid but it’s better than nothing.

Agree with this, I wonder why this is though 🤔. It was the same for me growing up....the majority of my friends parents had at least X1 parent not working because it was affordable in those days to have X1 parent not working. I was at my grandparents at lot during the week and weekends as both my parents worked and liked to go out on a Saturday night (not ft though). But they do not watch my DC despite being retired.....even though I know and I agree DC are solely my responsibility ( I do not ask any more as it's now embarrassing and hate it when they say no) it actually makes me feel very resentful and bitter and effects my relationship with them. Plus my DC have no relationship with them and actually do not consider them as close family which I think is so sad

I think it's very selfish tbh ..plus who do the grandparents call and expect to help them when they need help in their old age ???

Just to clarify before anyone jumps on me I had only asked them to help out X1 a week the rest of the week in childcare (at this point) as to put in childcare that extra day would have been too expensive and made it not worth working. I had to rely on friends for that that one day

Just sharing my experience: when my DS had a toddler fracture at about 2.5 years old he needed Calpol for about 10 days but was fine without it after that.. So you are quite possibly looking at a shorter period of time where your child will need to stay away from nursery.

If OP cuts her working hours by 20pc to help one side a full day every week and gives up a full day off every week for the other side too then I think that would be a hell of a lot of elder care.

This argument is petty at the best of times but it's utterly illogical in this case.

DD shouldn’t need calpol for the whole 6 weeks if that helps. Have you tried also giving her ibuprofen before nursery - I think it lasts longer?
TBH I’d be putting a lot of energy into challenging the nursery on this. Could a grandparent pop in to nursery to give her a dose of calpol at lunchtime?

Could she do reduced days in nursery?

She is in nursery 1 1/2 days per week. Each set of grandparents look after her one day per week already.

OP the next time your FIL says this, you need to straight up say what you've told us. Now is the opportunity for him to have your DGD more.

Hang on - so the nursery won’t give any medication at all, even that on prescription? How does that work? You have children with asthma inhalers, epipens etc surely? If they’ll administer a “standard” prescription, can you explain to the doctor and ask him to prescribe “liquid ibuprofen” or whatever it is and ask for a generic bottle, or something in tablet form? It does seem as though the nursery is being unreasonable about this. It’s one thing to say if they are taken ill and require as hoc pain medication they should go home (because they are likely coming down with a bug) - but quite another to refuse to take a child with a prescription.

Not sure I understand, but ILs already help out one day a week, even though MiL is working. The broken ankle (whilst awful for a little one) is a slight irrelevance as DD is still able to attend nursery - so not sure what you are after? Your child, your responsibility. GPs are under no obligation to help with childchare, especially if they are working. I don’t understand the expectation that that should, tbh. My ILs used to have my DCs stay for a week every summer and visited often, but they were both retired. ‘Having a relationship’ with GC isn’t only formed by providing free childcare.

And why would you want a FiL, who you say has never worked (MH or physical issues, you don’t clarify?) reluctantly watching an injured 2yo?

Your MIL is on leave. She'll have looked forward to talking a break somewhere. Yet you're annoyed because she won't give up that trip away, for you?

Your FIL not working is a red herring. She's hardly going to leave him behind to look after your DD while she goes on her mini break. .

What sort of age are your ILs? To have a 2yo grandchild they could be anything from early 40s, young enough to be my children, to 90+ and that could be relevant.

You're incredibly entitled.
News flash they are your children. You need to organise child care. I wouldn't dream of hoisting our children onto elderly people who clearly don't want to be lumbered.

This thread is nuts. Nobody planning a baby thinks “but could we afford to take unpaid leave if dc broke their leg unexpectedly?” You can’t plan for the unexpected and these people are all ready involved in the childcare so asking for an extra day is reasonable but them declining is also reasonable (albeit disappointing).

OP is NOT being entitled. She is likely feeling stressed, hurt and confused as to why her in-laws would not want to help their flesh and blood in their time of need quite frankly!

Totally with you O.P. please ignore the posters saying otherwise.