To not make my son have his vaccine?

[Funkytuna]

Hello all
So my 13 year old (ADHD and Autistic) was recently supposed to have his HPV vaccine in school. He point blank refused so it was rescheduled for the may half term at the local clinic. However, he is still very much refusing to have the vaccine. I've explained what its for and how serious cancer is (not that he needs me to tbh). But he is so stubborn its unreal. How would other parents deal with this? Both my children have always been up to date on their vaccines and I want him to take his health seriously. That being said it is his body and I cant physically force him.

This thread has really made me appreciate my adhd diagnosed 11 year old I'm very lucky, this must be really stressful for other parents. She some how missed one of her vaccines during a relocation. I just told her she had the doctors after school for a jab. I had one booked for something else myself so we went together. She watched me have mine and sat and had hers and we left no dramas. No argument, no bribery was told she needed it and that was that. She will be told she needs the hpv vaccine and she will be having it. After having cancer myself it's very important to me that she has this vaccine. I don't think at 12/13 they can actually make an informed decision if they need something or they don't that's my job until she's an adult surely.

Why is your DH in sole charge of the decision-making? What do you think?

My DH doesn't believe in vaccines so the kids have never had one. When they grow up, they can decide themselves

@CowboyJoanna I don't even know where to begin with this. Is he a flat earther as well?

How does he think that smallpox around the world was eradicated? Magic?
Why is polio so rare these days? Did it just disappear of its own accord?

Did he fail his science GCSEs/O levels?

Why does it have to be your hsband's decision? You are a parent as well. Do you not "believe in vaccines" either or could you not have just had your DC vaccinated anyway. If any of your DC are girls do you even know how dangerous it is for pregnant women to catch measles ot chicken pox?

Can I suggest that you educate yourself on vaccinations.

I did the first MMR but not the second, because I concluded the booster wasn't worth the risks over benefits

@marie3e The risks of brain damage caused by measles induced encephalitis are higher than by not vaccinating. HTH.

Women have the choice to be vaccinated and who they have sex with. Men and women, girls and boys, all have bodily autonomy.

Because he's going to be honest and risk not getting his end away? Suure.
Yes, all have bodily autonomy. And social responsibilities. Both.

That’s so good that your school covered this! My (all girls school) was, erm, reluctant when it came to ‘human biology’ lessons. Basically sex ed was left to a revision class a week before exams, by which point (unsurprisingly given there were nearly 200 16 year old girls) at least one girl had left due to pregnancy. Then the class covered only the absolute basics for the exam. I remember being unsure as to whether condoms were used to prevent pregnancy, or assist it 🤦‍♀️ Other than that all we had was a ‘miracle of birth’ video that was, frankly, horrifying!

We had the local young people’s sexual health charity in, and nurses from the nhs too a few times- we did skip the part about human reproduction in biology though (the teacher was ‘ill’ for the time we should have been doing it and reappeared afterwards and moved on the the next chapter without covering it)

I see no problem in the vaccines, But i let him decide because the kids can hopefully get a vaccine when theyre adults while you cant take out a vaccine once its in

That's no answer. It's a weak excuse. Are you afraid of your husband? Why does he get the final say so?

Did you not read my post?

Yes. It makes no sense. Why does your husband get to decide?

If he’s disabled and not likely to be sexually active then I don’t see any need for him to have it?

Why wouldn’t he be sexually active?

Unpopular opinion, but yes, as his parent you can force him to have this, in the same way you could force him to have an operation or other medical treatment. His health is ultimately your responsibility.

I also didn't want the vaccine when I was at school, due to being scared of needles and injections. Didn't matter what my mum said in terms of the medical consequences of not getting it, because I knew and understood that, but was just very scared.
She said that if I refused it at school, she'd take me to the GP to have it done, and would hold me down if necessary and it'd be worse for everyone.
If this is the 3 injections in a year one, I believe she also said if she had to do that she would come into school for me to have the other two, and would do what was necessary for me to be given it, whether that was holding me down, or giving me it herself (she's a nurse).
I got it in school (all 3), had a friend hold my hand, took some sweets for afterwards, and was generally alright. Plenty of others who were nervous too.

I'd go for the tact of giving him a choice with both options being acceptable to you, along the lines of 'Would you rather have it at school with your friends, or at the GPs with me on a different day'. If he's still saying no, 'No isn't an option, you have to have the vaccine, your choice is about where you'd like to have it, at school or the doctors'.
If he's refusing to make a choice, sign the school forms anyway, let them know he's a bit nervous and that you'd like him to have it done, but to please let you know if they don't manage to give it to him or he refuses, and then you'll take him to the GPs for it.

No nurse or GP will restrain a 13 year old to give them a vaccine.

Sorry for the confusion - I'm suggesting the parent does the restraining, if the teenager cannot be talked into it, not that a nurse or GP should.

No nurse or GP will let you restrain a 13 year old that is saying no, so a vaccine can be administered. I find it hard to believe any professional would agree to this if the patient is not agreeing.

If they did, then shame on them and shame on you. A great way to make a needle phobia ten times worse.

As mentioned, this was what my mum (who is a nurse), said to me to talk me into having it done at school, which I then did, with no trouble. At no point was I actually restrained.

As others have mentioned Gillick competency:
"Gillick competency can be used when young people wish to refuse medical treatment. However, if a young person refuses treatment which may lead to their death or severe permanent harm, their decision can be overruled."
Which suggests to me that, it may be possible to overrule a 13 year old's refusal of a vaccine in this context, even if it did mean that a parent firmly held, or restrained, the child.

However, suggestion actually was around the way the choice was phrased, in order to try to avoid any distress around restraint, just sharing a personal story which was what convinced me to have it done at school.

It doesn’t sound like his disability is related to sexual functioning, so it seems unlikely he won’t be sexually active. Plenty of people with mild learning difficulties, or wheelchair users etc, are happily partnered with all that comes with that!

The nurse won’t inject a 13 year old that is being restrained by a parent and doesn’t consent.

That would be assault.

Teach your boys to warn women about this before they have sex then. And use condoms forever.

You are deciding that for him then?

Mine are vaccinated. Their choice.

For HPV I wouldn’t be too bothered. My eldest son hasn’t had it as it wasn’t on the vaccine schedule for boys at the time. My youngest son has because it was. I don’t think it’s as important as a lot of other vaccines so for this one I wouldn’t sweat it.