To not make my son have his vaccine?

[Funkytuna]

Hello all
So my 13 year old (ADHD and Autistic) was recently supposed to have his HPV vaccine in school. He point blank refused so it was rescheduled for the may half term at the local clinic. However, he is still very much refusing to have the vaccine. I've explained what its for and how serious cancer is (not that he needs me to tbh). But he is so stubborn its unreal. How would other parents deal with this? Both my children have always been up to date on their vaccines and I want him to take his health seriously. That being said it is his body and I cant physically force him.

Perhaps educate yourself before you go posting nonsense online. HPV can pass between people even if using condoms. There is also no test currently for men so to follow your idea means no one ever having unprotected sex again - might be a problem for birth rates. And that's before we get to how many men cheat and infect their partners that way.

https://onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/uk/sexual-health-advice/how-do-you-catch-hpv

The issue though is that once he starts needle phobia if not nipped in bud it’ll cause a lot of issues in years to come…vaccines are least of it!

no one likes needles, it’s about how resilient he is to handling that anticipation… what about some phobia therapy now before it gets entrenched

tell him not about vaccine, more about blood draws etc …he needs to learn to manage his reflexes

allowing him to opt out of needles isn’t an option Op. yep, he can defer vaccine for now but underlying issue needs be resolved

by the way of aside ,people saying he has low risk of cancer…it’s not why boys are being vaccinated…it is to prevent spread to their partners more…it’s to stop cervical cancers, and maybe throat cancers.

https://www.guysandstthomas.nhs.uk/health-information/needle-phobia-and-overcoming-your-fear

@FluentRubyDog you can't expect someone to take a vaccine they don't want for the sake of other people

I’m not sure the science is with you on this.

One vaccine for everything?

That is part of how they work.

by the way of aside ,people saying he has low risk of cancer…it’s not why boys are being vaccinated…it is to prevent spread to their partners more…it’s to stop cervical cancers, and maybe throat cancers.

Other posters are saying it is for the boys themselves. Women can make their own health decisions. If he is gay or bisexual then he can change his mind later and have the jab at a sexual health clinic.

He will still be eligible for the jab free on the nhs for many years to come and his school can include him in the next vaccine visit if he changes his mind.

That is literally how vaccines work.

If he won’t have it then you can’t force him and I’m not sure a decent nurse would do it against his wishes. Even when I took my dc for their flu vaccination the nurse checked they were happy to have it first(dc between 7 and 13) and said she wouldn’t give it unless they were happy.

All you can do is inform him why it’s given(which you have) and offer ideas to manage his fears.

I'm needle phobic, and the whole point is it is NOT rational. I'm well educated, two of my own children are a doctor and a nurse, I can talk about the risks and benefits...
But when faced with a needle my brain shuts down and body goes into flight mode. You can talk to me til I'm blue in the face but unless it is literally life or death in the moment... it's not happening. (My phobia started after an excruciating steroid injection for a frozen shoulder)
I'm eligible for flu, Covid top ups (had the first couple as it was pre steroid injection) and have not had anything since.
Weirdly I can still have blood taken...that's different!

No doctor or nurse is going to force an injection against your sons wishes. All you can do is explain, and ensure he knows he can have it at any point. I know I need therapy to overcome my terror but have neither the time or cash to spend at the moment.
If he's not phobic... a bribe?
If he is : therapy?

For me it was a different time.
My children it was a fear so kept putting it off and before we knew they were adults.

Op should have dealt with the issue before. Ever since ds refused she should have talked to him and done what FluentDog suggests, both now, and in the future, until he agrees.

Condoms don’t enter my world, I’m a dyke.

Im not the blame for others.
I didnt have any because it was a different time for me.
My children had a huge fear and just got forgotten about now their adults.

The hpv vaccine was rolled out for males in 2019- before that some boys will have had it privately but it’s sensible to assume that adult men haven’t had it and therefore may be infected.

If you choose to have sex with them you are doing so knowing that risk.

Obviously people have sex, men cheat, women cheat, people don’t know they are infected etc- sex is never without risk.

All boys having the vaccine is a really good thing, but it isn’t going to make sex risk free- that’s why girls should also be vaccinated and everyone should be aware.

I’d be a bit worried about the precedent for him with other jabs but originally the medical advice was do girls who are more at risk and you’ll largely stop it spreading, forgetting same sex relationships. In reality the risk to boys was tiny and now most of his peers are having it heard immunity will kick in and even if he slept with an unvaccinated person in the future I suspect there will be so little of the virus about he’d be very unlucky to get hpv, let alone to go to the next stage and get a male cancer from it. Save the anguish for a vaccination he really needs.

I really agree with this.

My 19yo son has ASD and was too old to have been offered the HPV jab on the NHS (it was only recently brought in for boys, although girls have been getting it since approx 2008).

We offered to get him HPV jabs privately and gave him info about what the jabs were for, the nature of HPV, etc. He has no needle phobia, but decided not to get the jabs because he didn't feel it was worth it. And I pretty much agree, although I'd have got him the jabs if he'd wanted them, because I'm just generally in favour of vaccinating against everything possible.

HPV vaccine coverage is really widespread in girls in his age group, younger than him, and up to about 15 years older. There is going to be a good amount of herd immunity out there in that age group. To put it bluntly, DS has a very low risk of catching or passing on HPV from sex with women unless he is going to be shagging women more than 15 years older than him, and even then he'd have to be unlucky. For your son, it's going to be more like 20 years older than him. Obviously nothing is impossible, but it's not a vaccination that I would be stressing a lot about.

does he want to have had it but not want to go through the process of having it? That is different from refusal. Will he agree to asking for a sedative to help him go through with it?

Or if he just doesn't want it full stop, then nothing you can do

When I was growing up I remember being told that 'everyone who's ever had sex has HPV'!
I'm really gutted they didn't have the vaccine back then. It's too late now for a lot of people.
The problem is unless you have symptoms then you wouldn't necessarily know? They never used to routinely test for it at the GUM clinic?
I hope he changes his mind. Though I'd say since the vaccine came out the virus must be almost dead among younger people now.

My son has just turned 11, autistic. Refused point blank to have the nasal spray flu vaccine last year, wouldn't have the Covid vaccine. I've given him facts, talked to him about it, tried to find out what he doesn't like/what worries him about it. Got absolutely nowhere. I'm not going to give up - I would consider vaccination to be a non-negotiable but I can't physically force him to have them.

That's like saying it's OK to drive without a licence because there were none in your time and it's OK for your children not to have one because they were afraid to take the test and now DVLA forgot to test them.

Meanwhile you all merrily engage in traffic, not worrying about potentially causing death by dangerous driving...

But that's OK, because why should you worry - as long as everyone else drives safely...😠

None of us drive but ok.

I despair.