who's being unreasonable, me or DH? hiding my things from SC

[ikikikuk]

I have a 14yo stepchild, me and DH also share DC.

I've noticed the past few months that SC is using my things in the bathroom, face washes, serums, expensive shampoo specifically for dyed hair (which they don't have).

I have put these things in the bathroom cabinet and asked that they only use what's out when showering and using the bathroom but still I notice they are being used.

So I have taken everything out of the bathroom of mine and hidden it.

It annoys me because it's not cheap stuff and it's not stuff a 14yo even needs to be using whereas I use it daily and buy it myself from my own money (separate finances).

DH thinks it's unreasonable/ ott to hide it all because DSC only stays 2 nights a week so really how much are they using and doesn't think it's that big of a deal to just share a bit of it with them.

I'm not making a "big deal" of it but I also feel like ive already asked these things not be used. I think it's rude to continue doing so and therefore I've removed them so they can't be.

Who's unreasonable?

You're absolutely not unreasonable.
You're a person too and you're allowed your own stuff.
DH can buy his child those same things if he wants.

Have a think OP about other things - is your DH trying to take advantage of you in other ways as well - maybe small, but all one sided?

DH is bonkers! And it's not a SC issue- i have things my DC are not permitted to use as did my mother

He can buy her her own age appropriate products if he really needs to

I’ve been in exactly this situation, it’s annoying but in the grand scheme of things it’s nothing. I used to do it to my mum, my granddaughter will likely do it to her mum and so the circle of life continues.

Your DH can buy the products for his child then, can't he?

Why don't you tell your DH that he should be buying his own child their skin care and hair care products.

He can have a conversation with his child about the products they want to use and if DH agrees they're suitable ones, he can buy them.

I imagine once he is given a shopping list of £££ for shampoo etc, he may decide that his child doesn't need them after all 🤷‍♀️

You are right
He is wrong

He needs to buy HIS CHILD the products they want/need and have them for them in the bathroom for themselves

And SC shouldn't use your stuff because you have said no and it's not cheap stuff so they need to be respectful of your things

If it was being bought from family money then I would agree with your DH. But YANBU since it's your money. Has your SD mentioned anything? How is your relationship with her in general? I could maybe see why DH is off on this one if there's already a strain there.

Nope not unreasonable - we have draws in the bathroom - precious stuff goes in your draw and if anyone touches it they replace it, (3 girls and me). General stuff I buy is out and free to use and (to get them to tidy) and precious stuff left out is also fair game.

My stuff (perfume, nail polish, nice shampoo) was always in my room - didn't stop them so I got 2 lock boxes of Amazon and that did the trick!

If the SC has been asked not to use items other than those that have been left out, when you’ve specifically requested, and have ignored said request, then no. You’re not being unreasonable at all and I’d do exactly the same. If they can’t respect your personal belongings, then tough. Hide them and if your husband doesn’t like it - tell him to put his hand in his pocket and buy his child their own expensive toiletries.

I hide my stuff like that from my own kids! Definitely not unreasonable if she wants it he can buy her own

It’s natural to be interested in beauty products at this age and down to her parents to provide them. Maybe you and SC can choose some products more suitable to her age and needs…and DH can pay for it.

A total win win for you as he’ll also appreciate how quickly all these little bits add up and understand why you feel it’s such a waste for someone so young to be using them.

Teenage girls wanting to try adult products is perfectly normal. Establishing a rule of ask first and accept vetos also perfectly normal.

dad also needs to recognize that a 14yo needs her own products at his house. She shouldn’t necessarily need to use the same products as the young children.

These are what I have Lockabox One™ | Compact and Hygienic Lockable Box for Food, Medicines, Tech and Home Safety (Crystal) : Amazon.co.uk: Home & Kitchen

YANBU, your husband is being VERY unreasonable.

I wasn't a stepchild and my mum always had her own stuff?

This is another one of those things where the stepmother is always the big bad wolf!

I hide my expensive stuff in my room from Ds(17) some things are just mine .

maybe a conversation about what toiletries he likes . But no it doesn’t need to be yours

Would you begrudge your shared DC the use of these products?

Thing is, this is so normal!

My DD 'borrows' my stuff all the time and it drives me nuts but...I sort of think it's the circle of life. I did it to my mum and her daughters will do it to her.

It's family life 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't agree with this family money or Op's personal money is irrelevant it's about respect for other people's things

Why did you ask how her relationship is with her SC in general because that doesn't matter if you get on or not you have to learn to respect people's things.

Literally not one person has said that 🤣

@StormingNorman - her husband did!

The sc is unreasonable and isn't listening/being respectful of your rules. Hide it all

I did/do - they all had their own money to buy perfume/shampoo/razors with - mine belonged to me - my own biological kids should not have been helping themselves.

I do think doing a shop for the stuff they like is a good idea - to keep at yours, but if they get pocket money that should be used as well.

I'd hide and have hidden my stuff from my own kids so no you're not unreasonable. I take it sc is a girl? Why not take her shopping (a nice bonding activity) and let her choose her own age appropriate stuff to keep at yours?(actually if sc is a boy it might be nice too)

Your husband is entirely wrong. I had many products that I did not share with my daughter when she was a teen. They were bloody expensive and she didn't need to use them. Just because you're a mum doesn't mean you aren't entitled to have some things special to you.

Tell your oh so generous husband that he will be happy then to buy these products for his daughter.