who's being unreasonable, me or DH? hiding my things from SC

[ikikikuk]

I have a 14yo stepchild, me and DH also share DC.

I've noticed the past few months that SC is using my things in the bathroom, face washes, serums, expensive shampoo specifically for dyed hair (which they don't have).

I have put these things in the bathroom cabinet and asked that they only use what's out when showering and using the bathroom but still I notice they are being used.

So I have taken everything out of the bathroom of mine and hidden it.

It annoys me because it's not cheap stuff and it's not stuff a 14yo even needs to be using whereas I use it daily and buy it myself from my own money (separate finances).

DH thinks it's unreasonable/ ott to hide it all because DSC only stays 2 nights a week so really how much are they using and doesn't think it's that big of a deal to just share a bit of it with them.

I'm not making a "big deal" of it but I also feel like ive already asked these things not be used. I think it's rude to continue doing so and therefore I've removed them so they can't be.

Who's unreasonable?

Because a 14 year old girl would probably prefer the advice of a woman than a man. Because it’s the OP’s issue and not her DH’s. Because it’s a nice thing to do. Because hopefully the OP isn’t a twat who purely sees her SC as her DH’s responsibility.

I personally didn’t do this as a teenager however I speak from experience with having things taken by my SC despite me hiding stuff away.
I wouldn’t call it revenge or bully tactics. They’re oblivious and OP gets to keep her stuff to herself. Of course this could all be avoided if these dad’s actually parented their children and got them to appreciate rules / boundaries.

It’s also the OP’s home and she deserves to have her rules and boundaries respected.
Dad needs to step up and parent / take his child shopping for any products that she needs.

Because hopefully the OP isn’t a twat who purely sees her SC as her DH’s responsibility.

Hopefully the op's husband isn't a twat and respects his wife's right to have her own things, that she has paid for, that aren't fucked with by his entitled kid.

You should RTFT…lots of mums and dads “not parenting” their children as it’s pretty universal for teenage girls to experiment with mum’s/step mum’s skin care. It’s not bad parenting or bad behaviour, it’s growing up. How else does a young girl learn about skin care?

But tricking a child to teach them a lesson is vengeful and mean, and when done from a position of power it’s bullying. Far
more conducive to a happy family for the OP’s stuff to kept out of sight and for DSC to have their own products.

Your own anger is palpable but that’s not the answer for every family.

Of course the OP has the right to her own things but she is completely failing to see that her SC would like more than basic rations.

Either is correct.

Not angry at all @StormingNorman

OP simply deserves to have her own things that’s she’s paid for without having to tolerate others taking them despite being asked not to.

Her husband’s attitude is less than helpful and if the SC is still using products despite being asked not to then that goes beyond experimenting. It’s rude and entitled quite frankly.

Best that her dad step up then and provide his daughter with what she needs.

she is completely failing to see that her SC would like more than basic rations.

Then her SC could either:
Save up her own money and buy what she wants
Ask for it as a birthday or Christmas present
Ask one of her own parents to buy it for her.

Taking stuff that doesn't belong to her, that she has ben asked to leave alone, is not the only option.

Best OP points this out to him instead of
moaning to strangers on the internet about his daughter.

Cool. SC can save up money, do chores, use her birthday money etc. Its a good life lesson that you sometimes have to save and wait for things -l work full time and sometimes l still have to do this. You can’t just steal them off of other people

@TwattyMcFuckFacehas taken the words right out of my mouth.

If your husband thinks it’s no big deal, then surely it won’t be a big deal for him to buy his daughter a supply of her very own expensive products.

That's the father's responsibility, not the op's. Their finances are separate for a reason.

Yes, but it hasn’t even occurred to the OP that her SC might like her own toiletries.

forget the money, a 14year old shouldn't be using those products, especially serums full stop

Why aren’t you acknowledging that the stepdaughter’s father is responsible for purchasing her toiletries?
In particular, expensive toiletries?

I did acknowledge it. It’s right there with the word ‘yes’ but the fact remains that no one has considered that the poor girl might like her own toiletries. Both OP and her DH are at fault for that.

She absolutely needs her own stuff at the OP's house

However I'm staggered at the number of people who hide or lock their stuff away from their children!

I would never have touched my mum's things and my DC never touched mine!

If dad isn’t good with this sort of thing or if sc would prefer to talk to the stepmother, then it would be great if the stepmother would take stepdaughter shopping. Dad should provide his card and he and stepmom can discuss a budget in advance.

He is likely in for a bit of a surprise at what teen products cost, hence if he isn’t coming shopping a bit of budget guidance will help.

Or of Dad can handle it, he absolutely should. It’s really down to step-child preference.

Is he actually aware of how much this stuff costs? Maybe that's why he doesn't see it as a problem.

This is not a SC issue! I hide everything. I have very little to myself but my expensive shampoo and face wash is for me not for my DC to use half the bottle in one go! Its a pain having to take it into the bathroom every time I use it but necessary 😄

no one has considered that the poor girl might like her own toiletries

The 'poor girl' presumably has a tongue in her head and can say 'Mum/Dad/Granny/Auntie/Stepmum, I'd like some toiletries/a Boots giftcard for my birthday.'

I don’t hide anything but my own DC know not to just repeatedly use my nice things. They might ask to try a squirt or perfume or a special face cream-but that’s that. I wouldn’t just use their nice stuff either. That’s just being courteous to each other.

I would hide stuff in your shoes and it’s really shite your DH hasn’t got your back here!

YANBU!

Your DH is mad unreasonable to question why you'd not want his kid, or any kid using your products.

Would he like it if one of the kids starting using his shaving stuff, moisturiser, fragrances?

There are communal things and personal things.

If the kid doesn't adhere to that then of course you'll have to hide it. Unless he wants to replace it all out of his own pocket?

He clearly isn't going to tell her to stop pinching other people's stuff.