who's being unreasonable, me or DH? hiding my things from SC

[ikikikuk]

I have a 14yo stepchild, me and DH also share DC.

I've noticed the past few months that SC is using my things in the bathroom, face washes, serums, expensive shampoo specifically for dyed hair (which they don't have).

I have put these things in the bathroom cabinet and asked that they only use what's out when showering and using the bathroom but still I notice they are being used.

So I have taken everything out of the bathroom of mine and hidden it.

It annoys me because it's not cheap stuff and it's not stuff a 14yo even needs to be using whereas I use it daily and buy it myself from my own money (separate finances).

DH thinks it's unreasonable/ ott to hide it all because DSC only stays 2 nights a week so really how much are they using and doesn't think it's that big of a deal to just share a bit of it with them.

I'm not making a "big deal" of it but I also feel like ive already asked these things not be used. I think it's rude to continue doing so and therefore I've removed them so they can't be.

Who's unreasonable?

@ghostyslovesheets
Exactly spot on! Nothing to do with being a biological child or a step child. It's the simple fact of respecting people things

I hide stuff bought with family money from my own children! Nothing to do with where the money has come from in my opinion. If you’re providing adequate personal care products then you’re within your rights to move more expensive/specialist products.

All money is family money here. If my dd wants to use my face packs, she asks. The other week I wanted a bath bomb so asked my kids if anyone had a spare. It isn't about the money it is about respect for personal possessions - they are all welcome to washing up liquid or toilet cleaner but not my serum formulated for older skin.

What has that got to do with anything?

Tell your husband to feel free to buy duplicates of everything you own and leave it in the bathroom for his child. Then use it yourself and see how fast he complains.

Yabu, you sound very selfish.

YANBU. I'd take it out when SC was over. I'd do the same with my own children too, it's not a SC thing!

Op if your own child was doing this would you hide your stuff ? If the answer is yes then carry on. My lot (they are my own kids not step) take my stuff all the time and I am usually shouting at them not to mainly because hubby and I are always paying for their endless products so why are they using the one or two things that i have. but they are my kids at at the end of the day it's nothing I would ever worry or stress about and if I did hide my stuff my hubby (their dad) wouldn't even care so I think based on your post your issue is and his issue is that this child isn't yours. I think both of you need to get on board with being a family . Sc is part of the family. Treat them as such. If you would hide stuff from your own kids then your hubby needs to get over it. I don't understand why ppl blend their families then act like this over silly things. I don't see why you paying for the products is relevant Your their step mum.

How so, exactly? She's not entitled to have some things just for her? Why not?

Some of you will be raising entitled teenagers if they think everything that belongs to their parents is fair game. As long as they have what they need and they have pocket money etc, they can buy it themselves. I remember my mum having very fancy make up and I was envious. She let me use it on special occasions but it wasn’t like shampoo and conditioner which was every day use.

I used to steal my mum's products, even those she'd hidden. IMO it's a teenage right of passage, nothing to do with step parenting.

I buy my stuff with 'family money' as dh and I share an account. I still have some stuff that's just mind (and dd has stuff that's just hers). You're allowed your own things even out a shared pot.

YANBU

Your DH should provide for his child if they feel they need beauty products, can he buy cheapy versions of what you have? Elf are good and the products are cheap.

Yanbu and I used to do just the same. Only it was being used and tipped down the toilet etc. eventually everything that wasn't for general use got put in boxes and lifted out everytime she was due here

But then again OP you’re a stepmum and this is MN so can I change my answer to:

YABU, you should be offering these things AND giving them the clothes off your back because you were probably the OW.

Yes.

Next!

I hide my own stuff from my biological dc.. Dc without dyed hair don't need shampoo for dyed hair. Imo they are deliberately being disrespectful.. And so is your dh. Start using his stuff to wash the dog /cat/carpet and tell him you thought toiletries were free for all.

Well I did the same to my mum's products when I was a young teen and got a proper bollocking! YANBU! But also understandable, she's not doing anything all other teens are doing and some boundaries are needed.

Your DH has no idea how expensive that shit is. Tell him to buy them for her.

It's most definitely not a "right of passage." Maybe if you get your spelling straight you won't be condoning theft 🤣

YANBU. I don't like it when my own dd's help themselves to my things.

Surprised your dh would notice you moving your own cosmetic items out of bathroom though. Me exh wouldn't have had first clue or ever clocked what I had. In any case he is BU.

A teenager shouldn't be using skin care and some hair care products for adult women unless they want to damage their skin.

They need to use age appropriate products. If you have seen and read about what is being advertised to girls over 9 on social media you will be horrified.

You're not being unreasonable! I done this because my 14 year old was using my olaplex and expensive shampoo and conditioner for bleached hair when hers is her natural colour and never had olaplex at the hairdressers. My skincare is in my room but I do have an elemis face wash in the shower we all use. She has her own skincare and shampoo/conditioner I've bought her now instead, so mine is safe again.

Get your husband to buy her her own stuff if he thinks she needs it, this is the one my dd uses - https://www.givemecosmetics.com/products/the-full-haircare-set?variant=41683949224125&currency=GBP&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw3tCyBhDBARIsAEY0XNkC7kNLrsJ3jt3zV6_hMWzqKNsXMW56leAfODwoDZBh9hm3N9TIIx0aAoyTEALw_wcB and the nip and fab skincare for teens.

Don’t see why she has to share, they’re not siblings with joint stuff or anything. It’s hers, why can’t she have her own stuff?

My dc live with us all the time, they don't use my shampoo or face cream becausethey are teenage boys and i tell them not to. I use family money to buy it too.
If I had a dd or a sdd I would consider buying (out of family money) some nicer shampoo for her for when she stays. She's clearly growing up a bit and wants to use nicer products which is fair.
I buy my ds hair stuff for boys etc.

It's nice for a 14 year old to have some good, special toiletries. Could you go on a shopping day with her and pick some stuff especially for your house. Use dhs card of course. Choosing nice bits would be a good bonding opportunity.
My dd constantly took my stuff..including clothes: it's a regular mom and daughter battle so don't make a big drama but do buy her some products.