AIBU to think that bathing your kids once a week is not 'neglect'.

[ThisWillBeInteresting01]

This is spurred on by another threat about someone struggling to keep their house clean. They mentioned that their kids are bathed once a week. This caused a lot of negativity amongst posters, with some comments calling bathing your kids once a week 'neglect'. This surprised me!!

My DC is 4 and has on average 2 baths a week (and yes, sometimes that means 1 a week). It has never been part of our bedtime routine - it gets them het up rather than calming them down. Their hair is washed once a week in term time after swimming class (v long hair as per DC's request, which takes an age to wash and dry). On holidays we once went 3 weeks without washing their hair. Hair was not smelly and looked lovely throughout.
My DC is not smelly, not dirty and most definitely not neglected! They have clean clothes, tidy brushed hair, are very popular at school, and have a generally nice life. (They also have a miraculous ability to somehow stay clean even when eating bowls of bolognaise and poking around in the dirt at school, which is helpful 🙏. Obviously if/when they do actually get covered in mud I wash them!).

I did some poking around and the American Academy of Dermatology say that children below pre-teens do not need more than 1-2 baths a week as long as they're not actively dirty/smelly.
https://www.aad.org/public/everyday-care/skin-care-basics/care/child-bathing

So is it really that bad not to bathe your children very often?

YABU - Children are dirty and sticky, more washing please!

YANBU - As long as they're not stinking up the bus then it's fine.

Washing does not necessarily = shower or bath

When I was young, many decades ago, a weekly bath was standard. Other times you had a wash at the bathroom sink.

I never felt clean after a ‘wash’

Just soap sticky.

I don't think it's neglect - I had a weekly bath and hair wash as a young child. I screamed blue murder about the hair so it's probably why!

I do think it's been easier to get my DC to take care of their personal hygiene as they move through adolescence having been in the routine of a daily shower. When they were little they had daily baths before bedtime - the only problem now is they stay in too long because it's sort of still playtime - toys are replaced with singing. Ffs. It takes five minutes to wash everything - not 30mins and you do not need to shave your pits and use a whole bottle of conditioner every day either.

Once a week for my DC when they were younger due to eczema.

Your post doesn't make sense. If people are 'only' washing in a basin does it matter if it was 1800, 1900 or 1980?

And, to be honest, there are a LOT of people around now who smell.
In the shops, on public transport, in the office.

Have you never read posts here about 'How can I tell my friend/colleague that they smell'?

The flannel argument just doesn't wash. 'cuse the pun.

There is no way anyone can be as clean with a bowl of water and a flannel compared with standing in the shower or having a bath.

If they were to do this meticulously, they'd stand in a large bowl and pour water over themselves from a jug as well as soaping themselves all over and rinsing it off.

Sorry you didn't catch my drift.

No I don't think people in the 60s, 70s etc were smellier. I don't think there was a "different standard". My grandmother was as fresh as a daisy.

I don't think people are generally smelly. Occasionally you smell someone. And I bet that has always been the case. Maybe you have a better nose than me.

My point is that a bath or shower everyday is not necessary for cleanliness. Having lived in less developed countries I know they are not. Since many people don't have the luxury of bathrooms and maintain cleanliness.

I am not saying flannel wash is better or even easy I'm just saying " once a week bathing " is not necessarily neglect. It goes hand in hand with lots of other things.

I agree washing is essential. People everywhere wash. But it is very one eyed to think there is only one way to do it.

Last century was the 1900s, not the 1800s
And the hygiene standard of one bath/shower a week was common in the 1900s. Even as late as the 1980s.

I don't think people are generally smelly. Occasionally you smell someone. And I bet that has always been the case. Maybe you have a better nose than me

I do have a good sense of smell and I wish I didn't. Ask anyone who has to be in close proximity (teachers, physios, GPs and nurses) with the general public if some of them smell, and they will tell you they do. I had just such an experience this week in our local pharmacy, but I could tell that the young person had issues, it's just a shame because they won't be helped to integrate more and have more friends by issues with hygiene.

'I agree washing is essential. People everywhere wash. But it is very one eyed to think there is only one way to do it.'

Because we've probably all experienced the different ways of doing it so know for a fact a wash at sink will not clean bums, genitals, feet and armpits like a shower does. It isn't even a preference it's kind of common sense tbh.

I caught it very well, thanks.

I've worked with the public a lot and can assure you that many more people (including children) do smell.

In fact I'd hazard a guess that with the creation of numerous types of deodorant (often promising 72 hour 'protection' - what a joke) people rely on a squirt from a can or a roll-on, rather than washing.

We've also got a lot more man-made fibres around than 100 -150 years ago when nylon and polyester didn't exist.

To be really blunt here, if you're female, your vulva would be grateful for a wash with running water not a wipe with a damp flannel. (Although it would do if you had no other option.)

Men and boys are supposed to retract their foreskins and wash underneath.

And we've not even started on bums! What do you think a child's bum is like if all it sees for a week is a bit of loo paper - maybe rather hit and miss! Unless they are also being given moist wipes.

What happens in underdeveloped countries should not be a bar we try to exceed.

What happens in underdeveloped countries should not be a bar we try to exceed.

Just wanted to add:
Even in less economically developed countries where people can't drink tap water, or may not have running showers - they still wash. IME you stand with a bucket and water which is as good as a shower. Only in drought would people go without and it's not by choice.

Even poor people try do try to maintain cleanliness. I hear people from LEDC's saying Brits for not washing enough/properly are gross all time 😭😭

Last century was the 1900s, not the 1800s

I know.

And the hygiene standard of one bath/shower a week was common in the 1900s. Even as late as the 1980s.

And yet people routinely didn't smell. Or are you saying they did?

*I caught it very well, thanks.

I've worked with the public a lot and can assure you that many more people (including children) do smell.

In fact I'd hazard a guess that with the creation of numerous types of deodorant (often promising 72 hour 'protection' - what a joke) people rely on a squirt from a can or a roll-on, rather than washing.

We've also got a lot more man-made fibres around than 100 -150 years ago when nylon and polyester didn't exist.

To be really blunt here, if you're female, your vulva would be grateful for a wash with running water not a wipe with a damp flannel. (Although it would do if you had no other option.)

Men and boys are supposed to retract their foreskins and wash underneath.

And we've not even started on bums! What do you think a child's bum is like if all it sees for a week is a bit of loo paper - maybe rather hit and miss! Unless they are also being given moist wipes.

What happens in underdeveloped countries should not be a bar we try to exceed.*

Tbh I'm not sure why you're trying to convince me how smelly people are. 🤷‍♀️

In the UK 65% of people have a shower everyday apparently. By your account it's not working.

I've had 4 kids and they're all as clean as the next person. I really don't need the details tbh.

Because we've probably all experienced the different ways of doing it so know for a fact a wash at sink will not clean bums, genitals, feet and armpits like a shower does. It isn't even a preference it's kind of common sense tbh.

The point of the aibu was not "what is the best/easiest way to keep clean " 🤦‍♀️

It was " is once a week shower/bath neglect ?."

Yes, but threads do go off on tangents, you know. And this one clearly has.

Its gross . As a child I was only bathed once a week and I felt disgusting at school. I wasn’t encouraged to wash in between baths either . I couldn’t get hot water as it had to be paid for with the immersion heater/ 50p electric meter.
I have always bathed my own children every single night so they grow up feeling and looking clean .

I would think it is pretty grim to be honest and although it may not reach the legal threshold for neglect, if your kids aren’t getting bathed at least 3 times a week I would think you are doing a pretty shit job as a parent.

I grew up in a house with 5 people, one bath, no shower and one of those tanks where you have to heat the water up. We still bathed multiple times a week AND had a daily wash. Your kids will smell and look grubby. You may not notice it but their peers will. What an awful example to set them. Just wait until they are older and their hormones kick in 🤢

Yes, but threads do go off on tangents, you know. And this one clearly has.

course they do. But my point has never been " it's easier not to shower "

Tbh I'm not sure why you're trying to convince me how smelly people are. 🤷‍♀️

In the UK 65% of people have a shower everyday apparently. By your account it's not working.

I've had 4 kids and they're all as clean as the next person. I really don't need the details tbh.

You said that most people aren't 'generally' smelly.
Does that mean most people don't smell usually or most people don't smell?

If 65% shower daily (your quote) then that leaves 35% who don't. So it's not 'my account'. I simply said that I notice people who smell. Not everyone but by your figures it would be 3 in 10 (ish.)

Your post came across as if you were supporting the' non-showerers', by saying people in under developed countries used other means to wash.

And yet people routinely didn't smell. Or are you saying they did?

Of course people smelled in the 1980s or even the 1890s.
There have always been people who aren't great with their personal hygiene.

The point of the aibu was not "what is the best/easiest way to keep clean " 🤦‍♀️

It was " is once a week shower/bath neglect ?."

But posters are explaining WHY once a week is not enough.

And as most of us have said it's not neglect per se, but it could be if it was part of a bigger issue of lack of care and hygiene in a home.

TBH the OP was on a bit of wind-up with this from the start.
It was taken out of context.
The reason she posted was because on another thread (as she said) that OP was struggling to cope. Her kids having a bath only once a week was one issue but there were others which all together were running close to neglect in terms of basic hygiene.

*But posters are explaining WHY once a week is not enough.

And as most of us have said it's not neglect per se, but it could be if it was part of a bigger issue of lack of care and hygiene in a home.*

I think that is what I have said all
along - it is not neglect per se .

Or else alot of the rest of world would be neglected.

( and of course it could be - if it was part of a bigger issue )

You said that most people aren't 'generally' smelly.
Does that mean most people don't smell usually or most people don't smell?

If I'm out and about, at work, shops etc etc I'm not running across people who smell. When I notice bad personal hygiene it's the exception tbh.

If 65% shower daily (your quote) then that leaves 35% who don't. So it's not 'my account'. I simply said that I notice people who smell. Not everyone but by your figures it would be 3 in 10 (ish.)

Well that's some maths. And only makes sense if not showering everyday = smelly.
Much more likely you are more sensitive to smells than me perhaps. Or spend your time amongst certain types of people.

*Your post came across as if you were supporting the' non-showerers', by saying people in under developed countries used other means to wash.

And yet people routinely didn't smell. Or are you saying they did?*

I'm saying you don't HAVE to have a bath or a shower not to smell. There are clearly other ways to maintain hygiene. As demonstrated by people who don't routinely have the facilities we have.
I think the argument is a bit more nuanced than showerers and non showerers.
I probably shower daily.
Doesn't mean I automatically call neglect if someone else doesn't choose to do so.

IOf course people smelled in the 1980s or even the 1890s.

There have always been people who smelled. Just like there are now.

There have always been people who aren't great with their personal hygiene.

Of course.

I am saying they would smell to us today, but they couldn’t smell themselves because your nose gets used to certain smells and ignores them. The hygiene standard influences who noticeably smells and who doesn’t noticeably smell.

The way a medieval serf smelt would be unbearable to us, but they’d be like wot? I took a dip in the lake on me wedding day five years ago…how can I smell?

The way a medieval serf smelt would be unbearable to us, but they’d be like wot? I took a dip in the lake on me wedding day five years ago…how can I smell?

The medieval times 🤷‍♀️ probably.

But the 40s, 50s, 60s etc etc ...