AIBU to think that bathing your kids once a week is not 'neglect'.

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This is spurred on by another threat about someone struggling to keep their house clean. They mentioned that their kids are bathed once a week. This caused a lot of negativity amongst posters, with some comments calling bathing your kids once a week 'neglect'. This surprised me!!

My DC is 4 and has on average 2 baths a week (and yes, sometimes that means 1 a week). It has never been part of our bedtime routine - it gets them het up rather than calming them down. Their hair is washed once a week in term time after swimming class (v long hair as per DC's request, which takes an age to wash and dry). On holidays we once went 3 weeks without washing their hair. Hair was not smelly and looked lovely throughout.
My DC is not smelly, not dirty and most definitely not neglected! They have clean clothes, tidy brushed hair, are very popular at school, and have a generally nice life. (They also have a miraculous ability to somehow stay clean even when eating bowls of bolognaise and poking around in the dirt at school, which is helpful 🙏. Obviously if/when they do actually get covered in mud I wash them!).

I did some poking around and the American Academy of Dermatology say that children below pre-teens do not need more than 1-2 baths a week as long as they're not actively dirty/smelly.
https://www.aad.org/public/everyday-care/skin-care-basics/care/child-bathing

So is it really that bad not to bathe your children very often?

YABU - Children are dirty and sticky, more washing please!

YANBU - As long as they're not stinking up the bus then it's fine.

I am still confused by why anyone would choose a strip flannel wash over a quick shower.

The hair thing can't really be it as it's fairly obvious how you can avoid your hair getting wet.

I don't doubt that a proper flannel wash can be as effective but just why?

@WittiestUsernameEver In my own experience kids do more now. Mine and their mates certainly do more than I did in the 80’s/90’s. Also kids get bullied for smelling. As awful and wrong as that is, why put a kid in a vulnerable position?

@gamerchick Spot on. Lazy parenting at its peak.

You're not the only one, there are quite a few posters who are 'confused'.

I can give you my reasons, if that would help?

I have extremely dry skin and I live in a very hard water area. If I shower, I have to moisturise my entire body. That needs a few minutes to soak in, so that it doesn't rub off on my clothes. So a 'quick shower' turns into a 15-20 minute pain in the arse.

Whereas a strip wash, where I only wash hands, face, pits and bits (having washed and moisturised my entire body during/after a bath the previous evening) takes 5 minutes max, no full-body moisturising required.

Also, as a separate thing- my hair tends to get a bit limp after a shower, even if I've tied it up. I've tried a shower cap, and that just makes it sweaty, which then means washing it, which adds more time to the 'quick shower'. I could have a tepid shower, which might eliminate sweaty/limp hair, but why would I? I don't like tepid showers.

So there are a couple of reasons why people might prefer a strip wash. I'm sure others will have other reasons, but I hope all the 'confused' people will now be able to understand that not everyone is the same.

Fair enough

I also have the same skin/hard water issues - I think for me 15/20 mins isn't so much time that I am not happy to spend it on a shower/moisturise though. Basically 15 mins is a quick shower for me.

So a 'quick shower' turns into a 15-20 minute pain in the arse.

I don't think that amount of time is excessive for getting ready for the day.

I take about 30 minutes to shower and do my make up.

The flannel thing is a bit dire IMO and I was brought up with parents who did that.

You need at least 2 flannels a day (4 if you do the same in the evening) and they need washing at 60C at least. A flannel is not the same as running water because you're just smearing whatever 's on your body all over the rest of it. Unless you wipe you arms, rinse, wipe your pits, rinse, etc etc.

It would take as long or longer than a shower.

Do you get off on calling people grim for washing differently to you?

I can barely stand sometimes so it's not safe for me to stand in our shower. Its reasons not excuses.

Get a grip

You need at least 2 flannels a day (4 if you do the same in the evening) and they need washing at 60C at least. A flannel is not the same as running water because you're just smearing whatever 's on your body all over the rest of it. Unless you wipe you arms, rinse, wipe your pits, rinse, etc etc.

No. That's not how it's done.

Firstly, I don't use the flannel to wash my face- I use my hands, because it's gentler and is more efficient at rinsing off the soap.

Secondly- no-one needs to wash their arms in the morning, if they've washed them in the bath the night before. Unless in between bathing the night before and doing the strip wash in the morning they've gone mining, or digging up the garden.

Thirdly- it goes pits (wash and rinse), then bits (wash and rinse). Why you would smear things all over your body I have no idea, but you do you.

Fourthly- any flannels used get washed with the towels on a very hot wash, no fabric conditioner.

Fifthly- I have been doing a strip wash for decades. I am very proficient at it. I have decided that, for me, it's quicker, more efficient and more water-saving (which offsets my bath) than a shower in the morning. I don't doubt that other people may have other ways of doing things, which I may or may not find silly, but that's neither here nor there. It's their choice to do those things.

The poster didn't call anyone grim.
She said 'grim practises'.

I think everyone would exclude someone with a disability if they have special requirements for washing that mean they can't stand in a shower.

That goes without saying, surely?

The conversation was about how often children (able bodied unless OP said otherwise.)

It’s not neglect but it is inadequate.

Secondly- no-one needs to wash their arms in the morning, if they've washed them in the bath the night before. Unless in between bathing the night before and doing the strip wash in the morning they've gone mining, or digging up the garden.

We all sweat up to a litre of water every night.

It doesn't just come from your armpits. You're not right on that one.
And if anyone has sex, they're going to get sweaty all over (with a bit of luck !)

Some people I know who have dry skin shower in the morning (as well as the evening) because they'd been advised by drs that applying their moisturising creams to damp skin is better absorbed .

Then I stand corrected on that one, Swinging, and apologise.

I made the fatal error of thinking that because something applied to me, it applied to others.

I should have known better.

But saying they're grim practices means they're grim practices. Disabled or not.

Why is it not a grim practice for me, but if my dp washed that way it would be?

There is no need for how wound up people get when they realise other people are different to them.

And thankfully mn agree as that shitty post has been deleted 👍

We're talking about general standards. Weekly showering or baths are not sufficient, is that a better word than grim? I've every sympathy for those with disabilities I have a disabled relative myself so of course things differ there but that's when adaptations are used.

For those without medical problems who can wash independently then they and their dc should be showering every day. Teach you kids good basic hygiene standards.

No. You were talking about people who chose to do a pits and bits over a shower.

@Janiie I also read your post before its swift deletion and you didn't qualify it with 'if you're disabled'.

Some method of washing should be employed daily, I agree. It doesn't have to be a shower.

I clean myself twice a day. Sometimes that might be a shower- in summer, if it's hot, I actually prefer a shower. But showering isn't necessarily superior to other methods.

The thread is about basic hygiene requirements. Obviously those with medical conditions such as those bed bound requiring carers do not have a choice.

Those who are independent and choose not to shower and flannel their 'bits' are not maintaining sufficiently good hygiene standards. They are then passing on their poor practises to their kids. It isn't ok.

You only have to spend a few minutes in any crowded environment to know that really there are many many people with very questionable personal hygiene. 😖

We shower daily. We gave our dc nighty baths from birth to the age they became independent & showered alone.

It was noticeable when they were small that many of their school friends were not washed as frequently. Filthy fingernails, oily smelly hair, general fuggy unwashed skin smell. Uniforms smelling of cooking etc.

There were a couple of kids who used to come to play & I'd open the dc bedroom window when they were gone.

So many babies are not clean either & smell sour & oily like doughnuts when you hold them.

I don't buy into this notion that it's bad for skin to be washed. Use gentle products & build daily hygiene into the children's routine.

This thread is absolutely eye opening - the amount of soap dodgers with minging kids is astonishing....and 99% of the excuses are just that....excuses.

I can't believe there are people who opt to flannel wash instead of 5 minutes in thr shower for a proper wash. And bodies (all parts) need soap not just water- that's also gross.

My dd has the same hair and we use a shower cap.

I think kids should be bathed more than once a week.

Why am I clean and it's OK for me because I'm disabled but grim for the rest of my family?

What does this mean? You said you shower every other day which is fine, and most people don't dispute that.

Erm, yes they are.

I know it's fine. Most people know it's fine.

It is fine. The thread is about weekly baths/showers. Daily is ideal but every other day acceptable at a push to most people. These aren't my personal rules just basic standards.

If you've time to 'top and tail' then those <who are physically able>,have time to jump in a shower.