AIBU to think that bathing your kids once a week is not 'neglect'.

[ThisWillBeInteresting01]

This is spurred on by another threat about someone struggling to keep their house clean. They mentioned that their kids are bathed once a week. This caused a lot of negativity amongst posters, with some comments calling bathing your kids once a week 'neglect'. This surprised me!!

My DC is 4 and has on average 2 baths a week (and yes, sometimes that means 1 a week). It has never been part of our bedtime routine - it gets them het up rather than calming them down. Their hair is washed once a week in term time after swimming class (v long hair as per DC's request, which takes an age to wash and dry). On holidays we once went 3 weeks without washing their hair. Hair was not smelly and looked lovely throughout.
My DC is not smelly, not dirty and most definitely not neglected! They have clean clothes, tidy brushed hair, are very popular at school, and have a generally nice life. (They also have a miraculous ability to somehow stay clean even when eating bowls of bolognaise and poking around in the dirt at school, which is helpful 🙏. Obviously if/when they do actually get covered in mud I wash them!).

I did some poking around and the American Academy of Dermatology say that children below pre-teens do not need more than 1-2 baths a week as long as they're not actively dirty/smelly.
https://www.aad.org/public/everyday-care/skin-care-basics/care/child-bathing

So is it really that bad not to bathe your children very often?

YABU - Children are dirty and sticky, more washing please!

YANBU - As long as they're not stinking up the bus then it's fine.

is fine. The thread is about weekly baths/showers. Daily is ideal but every other day acceptable at a push to most people. These aren't my personal rules just basic standards.

Uk basic standards? European basic standards? First world basic standards?

Loving the use of 'basic' here. Given that a lot of the world don't have bathrooms or showers yet would consider themselves clean.

Just as people in the past , my granny etc would be surprised to hear she didn't meet basic standards and nor did her children. And I know she was mine but i remember my granny as so fresh , fragrant and gorgeous. She smelt lightly of 5711 eau de cologne. Can you remember that?

But hey.

My late MIL was quite obsessive about cleaning she seemed to spend 90% of her waking hours cleaning, washing clothes, wiping surfaces, washing up etc.
She didn't bath or shower every day.
When we were staying she pronounce she was going for a "quick wash" as she had a shower yesterday. She would disappear for 45 min and come down with hair and make up done.
I think if I had 45 min to spare I'd have a bath or shower but for reasons known to herself, she chose not to. I can't imagine she was any dirtier after 45 minutes of ablutions than if she'd had a bath!

@Shodan I think if you are doing a proper strip wash twice a day you are clean! I don't think that's what most people who wash their kids once a week are doing with them though...my mum did teach me how to do a strip wash without putting the immersion on, she thought of it as a life-skill like brushing your teeth properly (let's not get onto that).

My grannies always smelt wonderful but that's because they always went for a strip wash, either boiled a kettle or once they had CH used that, every morning, both of them, brought up in different places, classes, it was the norm to wash!

I also don't understand flannel washing. And how do people deal with private parts? Don't people need to wash properly down there and aren't children at risk of infections?

Genuinely asking 😂

I always found showering most convenient and I showered my children rather then bathed them since they were able to stand.

'Uk basic standards? European basic standards? First world basic standards Loving the use of 'basic' here. Given that a lot of the world don't have bathrooms or showers yet would consider themselves clean.'

Well yes I'd guess the majority of us posting have access to running hot water. Just because there may not be bathrooms in some third world countries doesn't mean that those of us that do should choose to not bother using them daily.

This. 100%.
People can't smell themselves. Hygiene is our first Medicine. A quick shower is no bother when you make it a habit.

@LiberteEgaliteBeyonce Hygiene is our first Medicine I do believe this, my husband is from a different culture and he is very emphatic about hand washing prior to eating and when coming from outside. Different towels for different people and not using a bottom towel to wash your face (not one communal one!) Washing areas that are prone to infections daily, especially if skin is delicate or folded over.

This simple stuff was so important (and still is) in the past as they didn't have antibiotics and so if anything got infected, there wasn't an easy solution to it.

No need to bathe excessively or use harsh shower gels, or scent the house with air fresheners or do anything crazy, just basic ordinary soap, water and standard hygiene stuff.

This is a really good article that explains how you can be too clean but also not clean enough (so animals=good, washing sweaty bits too infrequently and allowing infections to flourish=bad)

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20151118-can-you-be-too-clean#:~:text=Our%20soaps%20are%20antibacterial.,help%20cause%20asthma%20and%20allergies.

I agree with that. I can smell other people and their children.

I’m late to the party but I was a once a week bath child but I had a sink wash every day. So it wasn’t that I wasn’t washing in between the bath at all, I was washed in a sink in the morning face, hands and anything else dirty etc kids still get smelly bums they don’t wipe that well when young or may have little accidents.

bathing was hair washing and full submersion, I still got cleaned daily. I think once a week bath and no cleaning in between or just a baby wipe around the face is not clean at all, kids get dirty all the time they would need a wash of the most commonly grubby areas including washing genitals and faces this is what flannels were for when showers weren’t as popular

You can't smell your own children. Others can.
Private parts need more then wiping. There are always bits of wee and poo left even if you can't see it and then bacterial growth makes the smell worse, not to mention risks of infection. My friend insisted her son only needs baths twice a week until his private parts got painfully swollen and she had to take him to GP.

Kids get sweaty, snotty. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean they are clean or that they don't smell to other people.

Phew, I wasn't expecting this to create so much argument! I admit I haven't read all the responses, they were rather overwhelming. Anyway, the results are in and it seems that about 2/3rds of people were on the 'less washing' side and 1/3rd on the 'more washing', which is gratifying to me but a bit surprising if you read the majority of the comments - it seems that the 'more washers' are certainly more vocal about the subject.
Some people got very rude and personal about the decision not to wash as much, but I did think there were some interesting points made from the 'more washing' brigade which have given me some thought, the principal ones being:

1. Teaching frequent washing habits because you don't want to get them to being a teenager when they actually ARE sweaty and smelly (whatever some of you say, a young child does not, or SHOULD not, smell like a teenager does) but refuse to shower frequently because they didn't have to before. In my experience teenagers are desperate to fit in and that includes becoming obsessive about cleanliness and many showers, but I suppose it could go the other way, so that is certainly something to bear in mind.
2. Becoming smell blind to your own and your family's bad smells. I admit, a fairly horrifying thought 🙀. Of course, the same argument could be made about literally anything in your life and behaviour - you may do things that are disagreeable to other people but are blissfully unaware so will never know unless someone tells you. Right now there are no signs of it in my family - my child is constantly being hugged and kissed by her friends and the pre-school staff, she's one of those cute kids that people love to fawn over, so it doesn't seem like she's being ostracised for smelling bad at the moment! But again, I think it's useful to bear in mind.

I wanted to ask, for the people who made comments along the lines of "I can smell other people and their children" - do you mean that they smell bad? Like BO? Or just that they have a smell? People do have unique smells - we're supposed to! Smell is a complex form of communication. There is a lot of research on how it mediates attraction, bonding and other social interactions. Some of it can be highly adaptive for the species (read the theories about MHC-related odour preferences for an example). We're not all supposed to smell like Dove body wash!

As to the some other points, for all of you saying 'my child is a sticky snotty muddy mess after playing out in the garden and rubbing food in their hair all day so obviously kids need a bath'; some of us aren't lucky enough to have gardens or safe green spaces nearby where kids can grub around and get filthy; some of us have kids whose noses aren't constantly running (truly, I've seen my kid with snot coming out her nose about 5 times in her whole life... it's an anatomical thing); some of us have kids who are dexterous with cutlery and keep themselves clean when eating. So maybe we make different decisions based on that.

I hope this thread didn't create too much bad feeling - that wasn't my intention although some of you definitely thought it was! Thanks for engaging and hope you and your kids all enjoy your baths and showers this week, whether that's one, two, every day or however many you choose to have.😉

'some of us aren't lucky enough to have gardens or safe green spaces nearby where kids can grub around and get filthy; some of us have kids whose noses aren't constantly running (truly, I've seen my kid with snot coming out her nose about 5 times in her whole life... it's an anatomical thing); some of us have kids who are dexterous with cutlery and keep themselves clean when eating. So maybe we make different decisions based on that.'

Honestly. How many pages in and you think it's gardens and snot thst smells.

No it is sweaty feet, half wiped bums and overall sticky sweat that accumulates and smells. You don't need a garden to make this happen.

Kids that are that best and clean didn’t get there by rarely having a bath. Good hygiene breeds more good hygiene. Poor hygiene does the same.

Well yes I'd guess the majority of us posting have access to running hot water. Just because there may not be bathrooms in some third world countries doesn't mean that those of us that do should choose to not bother using them daily.

It's easier and quicker to use a shower , but be clear it's just a social norm, you can still stay clean without one daily .

'washing' is the daily basic. Showering is just one method.

@Shodan The only other person who doesn't sweat [much] is Prince Andrew.
Are you him? 😂

The only other person who doesn't sweat [much] is Prince Andrew.
Are you him? 😂

Actually I don't sweat much and I'm not royalty. Some people just don't.

My best friend is so sweaty she can only keep Birkenstocks for one summer. Her feet destroy them.

surprisingly ( not really ) we're all different.

@SwingingPonytail Lol. No. But I really don't sweat much at night, certainly not enough to warrant washing my arms in the morning, or indeed any other body part other than underarms and genital area.

This could be because I sleep with a fan on 99% of the year though.. Plus I don't wear pyjamas, only cotton t-shirt nighties.

I believe that those foam mattresses/mattress toppers encourage sweating, so I don't have one of those either.

And most importantly perhaps-I get into bed clean, because I bath every evening, so no need to shower off the previous day's grime in the morning.

@ThisWillBeInteresting01 really don’t want to be offensive but I really do not understand how your child is small enough to not be going outside much or just on hard surfaces but also old enough to make zero mess eating? Does your child go to school yet? Don’t they do PE and have an outside space for them? Even inner city there are parks and schools have playgrounds so I am very confused by this. Kids don’t wipe bums very well. They can end up smelling sweet and musty. They don’t have adult dexterity for some years.

I have two children and one is very clean and the other is more unhygienic and I brought them up to be the same. They had 3 baths or so a week so not every day and washing in the sink in between but one went their own way and does the bare minimum the other showers twice a day. I work with the general public and many people have poor hygiene but expect health professions to touch them to treat them.

So you're not Prince Andrew?

I'll own up. When I was first working and in a house share a very long time ago, the house didn't have a shower. I had a wash in the morning and, like you, a bath at night. However, when I moved up in the world, to a different house, I did start to have a morning shower (as well as the evening bath) and I honestly can't imagine not now.

It was partly how things were all those years ago, when many homes didn't have a shower. I think you also get used to some things. I'd feel grubby if I didn't have a morning shower. But having not had the option, years ago, I can understand how other people manage without.

Back to the OP's question - a weekly bath is not neglect but it's not optimal. Kids need their bottoms washed properly more than once a week (as does everyone) and they also 'pick up' the stale and sweaty 'school smell' that clings to their hair and clothes.

Anyway, the results are in and it seems that about 2/3rds of people were on the 'less washing' side and 1/3rd on the 'more washing', which is gratifying to me

Your AIBU was not AIBU to think that bathing your kids once a week is perfectly acceptable,

Your AIBU was
AIBU to think that bathing your kids once a week is not 'neglect'

Neglect is a form of child abuse, so of course most people are going to agree that bathing your child once a week is not child abuse.

I even voted YANBU because I think once a week is neglectful, lazy and poor hygiene, but by itself isn’t enough to be considered neglect (child abuse).

I am not on the “less washing side” so you should not interpret my YANBU vote in that way.

I wanted to ask, for the people who made comments along the lines of "I can smell other people and their children" - do you mean that they smell bad? Like BO? Or just that they have a smell? People do have unique smells - we're supposed to! Smell is a complex form of communication.

Yes and that unique smell everyone has is in fact BO- body odour.
It communicates to me poor hygiene. The complexity lies in the different bouquet of urine, feces, sweat, oils, & any perfumes.

I’ve got severe chronic fatigue. I can only bath ( shower is too exhausting) once every other day.

I hate it. And l definitely smell.😕

Anyway, the results are in and it seems that about 2/3rds of people were on the 'less washing' side and 1/3rd on the 'more washing', which is gratifying to me

'The results are in. It's not Strictly! @ThisWillBeInteresting01

Great example here of how to interpret data incorrectly.

The 'vote' wasn't on washing more or less, it was if washing (bathing) a child weekly was 'neglect'.

Most people said it was not neglect, but definitely sub-optimal.

It is hard to believe that some people think that the hygiene standards in the last century are ones to adhere to.

People rarely had showers in their homes until at least the late 1970s/ early 1980s and often they were no more than a shower attachment to bath taps rather than a free standing shower cubicle or a P shaped bath with a shower over.

But even allowing for that, many children were being bathed daily or alternate days.

Giving your child a bath once a week is not neglect, but it often goes hand in hand with other neglect whether that's the house being dirty or their clothes not being clean, and that's getting close to neglect.

It is hard to believe that some people think that the hygiene standards in the last century are ones to adhere to.

Because everyone then was " smelly and unhygienic "

SIMPLY NOT TRUE. get a grip.

We're not talking 1800's

Washing is the basic.