Dirty.

[Alittlelostinlifeisi]

I usually wash things when I notice they’re dirty, and I am a bit shortsighted and I observant so it probably takes me longer than most to notice. I wash bedclothes on each bed once a month or 2. I wash my floors every month or 2. I wash my bathrooms every month or 2. I wash my hair once a week. I shower or bath at least once daily but I wash my children about once a week. I work full time in a job that entirely zaps my energy and really struggle with my energy level when I come home hence the washing self to feel better. I feel disgusting. My car is filthy. My wardrobes are a mess. I have too much stuff to keep it all in order. I have always a pile of usually clean laundry just not folded and I never iron. I do keep the dishwasher and washing machine going and the basic kitchen ok, but don’t look in the cupboards or oven or air fryer. Does anyone have any useful judgements or advice for me to not be so lazy😳 am I being unreasonable to think that most people do not live like this?

@SwingingPonytail I thought you thought children with unclean clothes are smelly but you don't wash clothes after each wear...?

Not sure how you can know that none of the non smelly kids are weekly bathers tbh unless you did a survey of everyone's washing habits.

Another mum here who washes her young school children once or twice a week, depending on activity. Daily isn't necessary for most kids.

The big caveat is whether the house is smelly. If so, then yes, kids would benefit from more regular washes and their clothes being clean and stored away from sources of smell. If the house smells fine, then the kids will be absolutely fine with a weekly wash, although a midweek shower would probably be ideal just in case, especially for the 8 year old.

I wash every other day and find that's completely adequate although will wash more when on my period.

I keep a clean and tidy home although do drop the ball when work gets busy. I wash my bed linen once a month usually and find that's fine although tend to wash pillow cases more regularly.

Bathrooms cleaned properly once a month but will have a quick wipe around the toilet/sink once a week or so when I see it needs it.

I find the best motivation watching cleaning videos on YouTube, it gets me in the mood! Then I put an audiobook or podcast on whilst cleaning.

No one's perfect OP, those who wash daily will be dropping the ball elsewhere believe me.

I'm sorry but if you need to shower or bath every day why do you think your children don't? Kids get grubby much faster then adults. I totally understand skipping a day maybe two for the children but a week?

None of that is the end of the world, apart from the children not being washed every day. That should be the priority, get into that habit them worry about the other stuff.
Children do need a daily bath - they get food on themselves, play on the floor/ground outside, mix with other kids, may not wipe themselves properly - it’s essential they get an allow over wash every day. I’d wash my dc over myself, if it was one or the other.

I'm 70 - they'd faint if they knew how often underwear was changed..

(Couldn't bear the thought now!)

This isn't it though, is it?

The OP is clearly overwhelmed and is asking for help.

And it's much easier to enjoy your children in a relatively clear, relatively clean space

Love this 🥰

Completely agree - I think OP is overwhelmed so im glad most responses are sensitive to that, but kids do need washing daily, even primary school age. I dont see it as a chore at any age, I have always seen it as a time they enjoy. When they were small, we had a bath full of toys they loved and I used that time to fold washing next to them (kids dont need 24/7 attention or Mum/Dad being the entertainer so fine to just let them play as long as you are nearby).

Now they are older, I cannot imagine them going without a bath/shower. They do so much at school each day/weekends out and about, they need it at the end of the day.

OP, if they are young, bath them as soon as you get in from being out at the weekend. I always found mine chilled better after a bath, so if we went out for the day or even just to the park in the afternoon, i’d get home, bath them quickly, and get them in pjs to relax. Do bath always before dinner then its done.

I think you've received a lot of good advice on this thread and I agree with you that things do need to change. I also work full time and during the week I tend to do the bare minimum of housework (but that doesn't mean nothing at all). Weekends are when I do laundry, change bedding, deep clean the kitchen and bathrooms, etc.

IMO children (and adults) need a bath or shower daily, and bedding should be changed once a week. Though of course some people would say this is too much.

My best advice is to keep on top of things. You need to get the house into the state you want first, obviously. But once you've achieved that, it's so much easier if you maintain that standard with daily/weekly tasks. If you clean the bathroom thoroughly once a week, it shouldn't take more than half an hour. But if you let it slide and avoid cleaning, once you finally force yourself to do it the job will take much longer. And in the meantime you're back to a depressing, dirty room.

Other bits of advice that have helped me: keep cleaning supplies where you need them. So everything to clean the bathroom is kept in the bathroom, etc. I used to have a central location for all cleaning supplies but it's so much better to store them where they will be used.

For decluttering and general tidying: as you're sorting objects, touch each item once. So if you have a whole load of things, put each one directly in its designated home or throw it away/recycle it immediately or put it in a bag for charity shop donation. So often people compound the issue of clutter by just creating more piles of things and then basically moving them around without actually solving the problem.

I wash every other day and find that's completely adequate although will wash more when on my period.

Do you not 'wash' at all?

No armpit wash? No 'below the belt' wash with running water?

Do you not enjoy showering or having a nice soak in a warm bath?

For me, both are 'me' time away from everything else, nice shower products and it's just lovely.

I'm sorry but if you need to shower or bath every day why do you think your children don't?

Because stinky sweat kicks in at puberty. There are plenty of expert articles on this e.g.

www.health.harvard.edu/blog/does-your-child-need-to-bathe-every-day-202109202598

Really surprised at people saying kids needed bathed as often as adults. Once a week was the norm for pre pubescent children when I was young. Mine have a full body wash once or twice a week and they don’t smell and are not grim. 🤷‍♀️

But kids get filthy every day from school, pe, the park, clubs etc. I wouldn’t want unclean kids getting into bed at night, so its not about waiting for sweaty smells in their teenage years for most parents. If its always been a routine, you think nothing of it (same as eating dinner, brushing their teeth etc).

I think whenever there’s a thread like OP’s, its better to suggest a way to build a good daily routine thats manageable, than try and suggest its ok to be unclean.

TYSM @Starlia. I seem to have the most awful PMDD (gp diagnosed) that rages every few months and takes a while then to get back on track. I do wonder about adhd but slow to label as I had quite a traumatic childhood with moderate emotional and physical neglect so the symptoms of adhd / pmdd / rsd may be a manifestation of that - which I’m getting help to work through the roots of it. So I think I’m becoming conscious now of the need to organize my life as a result of that, and life is improving, particularly also since moving away from addiction/ wine culture which rendered me useless. Sorry if that’s tmi. I have such deep shame about all of it but so greatly appreciate all of the posts everyone has made.

I agree/disagree

You will certainly see extremes on here (wasn't there a poster who showered 3 times a day and changed her bed daily, or something?)
But beds fortnightly and bathrooms and towels at least weekly is not unreasonable

Your kids clearly aren't messy eaters!

I’ve had an eye test and wear them driving but as they make me feel unbalanced I only wear them while sitting still!

To be honest, I think cleaning your bathrooms and bed linen every month or two is really dirty yes.

OP has an 8 year old. Kids today body wise are a lot bigger. My DS is almost 5ft tall and size 7 feet in men's trainers! He's 9. Don't your children do PE twice a week? Attend sports clubs? Being a mum is hard work.... however I say this as a single mum too. Only bathing once a week isn't acceptable and there's no point saying well in my day we didn't smell. You can't smell your own house sometimes! You likely HONKKKK after not washing nearly all week. As a female too.... you need to be taught basics. Missing a day of showering and having a strip wash is one thing but OP isn't even doing that.

I actually think she needs to drop her working hours down if possible.

I have read all the comment; bathing your children once a week stood out for me. I would recommend bathing your kids daily.

Also- bathtime is often a lot of fun for children- Time to chat to mum , and play with the water / bubbles- depending on age
Kids get very sweaty heads if they are active and in hot weather and if they have thick hair, it needs washing with a very mild shampoo.

Maybe you need to be checked again to be honest,if they are making you feel unbalanced and you’re unable to see crumbs on a worktop then I’d not want to be driving my children in a car.it doesn’t sound safe to me.

im partially sighted but can still see that the house is untidy,maybe a chat to the dr too might help.

@Aria999 That link from the Harvard site does actually say that if the child isn't having a shower or bath, the parent should wash them including the groin area.

It's quicker and easier to stand them under the shower.

And the 'natural oils' thing is twaddle. There are shower gels etc that actually protect and moisturise and are recommended for people with dry skin or conditions like eczema- eg Aveeno.

40 years ago was 1984 not 1884 and I assure you a bath two or three times a week was the norm.

Not too messy to be honest, but the worst case would be sticking pjs in the wash (always done a load a day). I think bathing kids early could really help OP if she is struggling with a routine. Kids are often more chilled after a bath, so getting that done early, would then free up time for OP to cook/do any little jobs and the kids have chill out time before dinner. It always worked well for us through the younger years (DH also works long hours) so its just a suggestion to help build an evening routine that works.