Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dirty.

375 replies

Alittlelostinlifeisi · 26/05/2024 22:14

I usually wash things when I notice they’re dirty, and I am a bit shortsighted and I observant so it probably takes me longer than most to notice. I wash bedclothes on each bed once a month or 2. I wash my floors every month or 2. I wash my bathrooms every month or 2. I wash my hair once a week. I shower or bath at least once daily but I wash my children about once a week. I work full time in a job that entirely zaps my energy and really struggle with my energy level when I come home hence the washing self to feel better. I feel disgusting. My car is filthy. My wardrobes are a mess. I have too much stuff to keep it all in order. I have always a pile of usually clean laundry just not folded and I never iron. I do keep the dishwasher and washing machine going and the basic kitchen ok, but don’t look in the cupboards or oven or air fryer. Does anyone have any useful judgements or advice for me to not be so lazy😳 am I being unreasonable to think that most people do not live like this?

OP posts:
Aria999 · 27/05/2024 15:13

@SwingingPonytail I thought you thought children with unclean clothes are smelly but you don't wash clothes after each wear...?

Not sure how you can know that none of the non smelly kids are weekly bathers tbh unless you did a survey of everyone's washing habits.

WitchyWay · 27/05/2024 15:14

WimbyAce · 27/05/2024 12:57

My kids only have a bath once a week, obviously if they were particularly dirty I would chuck them in for an extra one. I was talking to a Dr and he actually stated that people bathe their kids too often. Mine are young though so no BO at this stage, obvs as they get older they will increase.
Bedding and towels I do once a fortnight. Clothes done regularly.
Cleaning bathroom you do need to keep on top of I think. Doesn't really take long to do a basic clean.

Another mum here who washes her young school children once or twice a week, depending on activity. Daily isn't necessary for most kids.

The big caveat is whether the house is smelly. If so, then yes, kids would benefit from more regular washes and their clothes being clean and stored away from sources of smell. If the house smells fine, then the kids will be absolutely fine with a weekly wash, although a midweek shower would probably be ideal just in case, especially for the 8 year old.

I wash every other day and find that's completely adequate although will wash more when on my period.

I keep a clean and tidy home although do drop the ball when work gets busy. I wash my bed linen once a month usually and find that's fine although tend to wash pillow cases more regularly.

Bathrooms cleaned properly once a month but will have a quick wipe around the toilet/sink once a week or so when I see it needs it.

I find the best motivation watching cleaning videos on YouTube, it gets me in the mood! Then I put an audiobook or podcast on whilst cleaning.

No one's perfect OP, those who wash daily will be dropping the ball elsewhere believe me.

KomodoOhno · 27/05/2024 15:19

MermaidEyes · 26/05/2024 22:20

So you shower or bath daily but the poor kids are lucky if they get one once a week?!

I'm sorry but if you need to shower or bath every day why do you think your children don't? Kids get grubby much faster then adults. I totally understand skipping a day maybe two for the children but a week?

ShinyPebble32 · 27/05/2024 15:19

None of that is the end of the world, apart from the children not being washed every day. That should be the priority, get into that habit them worry about the other stuff.
Children do need a daily bath - they get food on themselves, play on the floor/ground outside, mix with other kids, may not wipe themselves properly - it’s essential they get an allow over wash every day. I’d wash my dc over myself, if it was one or the other.

Nanny0gg · 27/05/2024 15:23

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 27/05/2024 13:46

Meh. 40 years ago kids were lucky to wash once a week.

I was just going to say the same. In our house it was a strip wash most days, bath once a week. Twice tops. We didn't smell.

I'm 70 - they'd faint if they knew how often underwear was changed..

(Couldn't bear the thought now!)

Nanny0gg · 27/05/2024 15:25

Donotneedit · 27/05/2024 14:16

Isn’t it sad that we encourage burned out mothers to clean while their kids bathe, when this may be a precious moment to enjoy and connect with them

I say fuck cleaning in between all the moments in your life. Take the opportunity to rest and smile at your kids, talk to them, be nourished by that and accept that you cannot do it all, think carefully about your priorities and be prepared to let some stuff go

This isn't it though, is it?

The OP is clearly overwhelmed and is asking for help.

And it's much easier to enjoy your children in a relatively clear, relatively clean space

Alittlelostinlifeisi · 27/05/2024 15:26

PadstowGirl · 27/05/2024 10:28

I was like you, 3 little ones and a husband who worked away a lot. It's really bloody difficult doing it all on your own.

Thing that helped me the most, was having a routine!. Personal hygiene was completely non negotiable, every night I ran a shallow bubble bath and dunked the kids in it. It was part of their wind down bed time routine.

Beds changed on a Saturday morning. You need 2 sets of bedding per bed. I used to keep the fresh set folded up, under their mattress, waiting to go on. That gives you a whole week to launder the dirty ones. 🙂.
School uniform was a priority for me, I didn't want them being ridiculed so I would spend an hour on Sunday, ironing a weeks worth of uniform, so lovely for them to have fresh clothes laid out every morning.

I sorted the kitchen as I was going along so I would never sit down for the evening until the kitchen was sorted, with everything put away and the surfaces wiped down.

Same with the bathroom, keep the cleaning things in the bathroom and never leave the bathroom without folding the towels, wiping the loo, etc. Even if it's just with a spray and a bit of loo roll. "Method" sprays smell gorgeous.

Floors are less of a priority, we have wooden floors so I just swish round with a lightweight rechargeable stick hoover then a speedmop. It takes a few mins!

It's difficult with small kids but clutter is definitely a problem as you waste a lot of time looking for things and it takes up mental headspace. Try and make sure everything has a place, for us it's coats on each person's coat hook. Files for important documents, everything else is shredded as it comes thro the door. Try to get some sort of organisation in your fridge and kitchen cupboards so you can see what you have and what you need to buy.
Wicker basket in kitchen for recycling, this gets carted out to the bins several times a day (your older DC can do this!).

Don't, whatever you do, be tempted to get a pet. They increase the workload immensely and if you are not a natural cleaner, your house will deteriorated very quickly.

Maybe pay for a deep clean to get you started.

Forget the car. 🙂

Love this 🥰

OP posts:
Isitautumnyet23 · 27/05/2024 15:35

SwingingPonytail · 27/05/2024 14:42

Kids do not need to bathe daily and in fact there is evidence to show it can damage their delicate skin barrier, as previous poster noted. Once or twice a week if fine until they hit puberty, but which time they can bathe themselves.

I'm fed up with this type of post.

We aren't in the 1950s where people didn't have showers. (I went to school with friends who had a weekly bath.)

Washing doesn't damage the skin barrier if you use a simple unscented soap or a shower gel like Sanex. A quick shower of 5 mins before bed (washing their bums as well ) is all that's needed.

I've spent a lot of time in my life surrounded by groups of children and the ones who don't shower/ bath and/or have unclean clothes smell.

And children of 8, going on 9, are pre-puberty. their sweat glands are starting to behave like adults' and will give off a smell.

Many girls of 9 are starting to use deodorant.

Completely agree - I think OP is overwhelmed so im glad most responses are sensitive to that, but kids do need washing daily, even primary school age. I dont see it as a chore at any age, I have always seen it as a time they enjoy. When they were small, we had a bath full of toys they loved and I used that time to fold washing next to them (kids dont need 24/7 attention or Mum/Dad being the entertainer so fine to just let them play as long as you are nearby).

Now they are older, I cannot imagine them going without a bath/shower. They do so much at school each day/weekends out and about, they need it at the end of the day.

OP, if they are young, bath them as soon as you get in from being out at the weekend. I always found mine chilled better after a bath, so if we went out for the day or even just to the park in the afternoon, i’d get home, bath them quickly, and get them in pjs to relax. Do bath always before dinner then its done.

OperationPushkin · 27/05/2024 15:35

I think you've received a lot of good advice on this thread and I agree with you that things do need to change. I also work full time and during the week I tend to do the bare minimum of housework (but that doesn't mean nothing at all). Weekends are when I do laundry, change bedding, deep clean the kitchen and bathrooms, etc.

IMO children (and adults) need a bath or shower daily, and bedding should be changed once a week. Though of course some people would say this is too much.

My best advice is to keep on top of things. You need to get the house into the state you want first, obviously. But once you've achieved that, it's so much easier if you maintain that standard with daily/weekly tasks. If you clean the bathroom thoroughly once a week, it shouldn't take more than half an hour. But if you let it slide and avoid cleaning, once you finally force yourself to do it the job will take much longer. And in the meantime you're back to a depressing, dirty room.

Other bits of advice that have helped me: keep cleaning supplies where you need them. So everything to clean the bathroom is kept in the bathroom, etc. I used to have a central location for all cleaning supplies but it's so much better to store them where they will be used.

For decluttering and general tidying: as you're sorting objects, touch each item once. So if you have a whole load of things, put each one directly in its designated home or throw it away/recycle it immediately or put it in a bag for charity shop donation. So often people compound the issue of clutter by just creating more piles of things and then basically moving them around without actually solving the problem.

SwingingPonytail · 27/05/2024 15:36

I wash every other day and find that's completely adequate although will wash more when on my period.

Do you not 'wash' at all?

No armpit wash? No 'below the belt' wash with running water?

Do you not enjoy showering or having a nice soak in a warm bath?

For me, both are 'me' time away from everything else, nice shower products and it's just lovely.

Aria999 · 27/05/2024 15:39

I'm sorry but if you need to shower or bath every day why do you think your children don't?

Because stinky sweat kicks in at puberty. There are plenty of expert articles on this e.g.

www.health.harvard.edu/blog/does-your-child-need-to-bathe-every-day-202109202598

Whiteglasshouse · 27/05/2024 15:43

Really surprised at people saying kids needed bathed as often as adults. Once a week was the norm for pre pubescent children when I was young. Mine have a full body wash once or twice a week and they don’t smell and are not grim. 🤷‍♀️

Isitautumnyet23 · 27/05/2024 15:44

Aria999 · 27/05/2024 15:39

I'm sorry but if you need to shower or bath every day why do you think your children don't?

Because stinky sweat kicks in at puberty. There are plenty of expert articles on this e.g.

www.health.harvard.edu/blog/does-your-child-need-to-bathe-every-day-202109202598

But kids get filthy every day from school, pe, the park, clubs etc. I wouldn’t want unclean kids getting into bed at night, so its not about waiting for sweaty smells in their teenage years for most parents. If its always been a routine, you think nothing of it (same as eating dinner, brushing their teeth etc).

I think whenever there’s a thread like OP’s, its better to suggest a way to build a good daily routine thats manageable, than try and suggest its ok to be unclean.

Alittlelostinlifeisi · 27/05/2024 15:45

Starlia · 27/05/2024 10:57

Hi OP,
Are you ok?
I’m wondering if this isn’t really a cleanliness problem but rather that you are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted generally?
A lack of motivation/struggling to stay on top of things might be a sign that your mental health is not great.
Do you have any support?
I really feel for you. Working full time and parenting three kids alone is incredibly hard. I hope you’re ok.

TYSM @Starlia. I seem to have the most awful PMDD (gp diagnosed) that rages every few months and takes a while then to get back on track. I do wonder about adhd but slow to label as I had quite a traumatic childhood with moderate emotional and physical neglect so the symptoms of adhd / pmdd / rsd may be a manifestation of that - which I’m getting help to work through the roots of it. So I think I’m becoming conscious now of the need to organize my life as a result of that, and life is improving, particularly also since moving away from addiction/ wine culture which rendered me useless. Sorry if that’s tmi. I have such deep shame about all of it but so greatly appreciate all of the posts everyone has made.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 27/05/2024 15:45

Time40 · 27/05/2024 15:06

You need to be doing more than you are, OP, but take no notice of some of the advice on this thread! MN has an obsession with washing and cleaning. You really, really don't need to change the beds or the towels every week, and you really, really don't need to clean the bathroom or the floors every week. Most things will last for at the very least a fortnight.

I agree/disagree

You will certainly see extremes on here (wasn't there a poster who showered 3 times a day and changed her bed daily, or something?)
But beds fortnightly and bathrooms and towels at least weekly is not unreasonable

Nanny0gg · 27/05/2024 15:46

Isitautumnyet23 · 27/05/2024 15:35

Completely agree - I think OP is overwhelmed so im glad most responses are sensitive to that, but kids do need washing daily, even primary school age. I dont see it as a chore at any age, I have always seen it as a time they enjoy. When they were small, we had a bath full of toys they loved and I used that time to fold washing next to them (kids dont need 24/7 attention or Mum/Dad being the entertainer so fine to just let them play as long as you are nearby).

Now they are older, I cannot imagine them going without a bath/shower. They do so much at school each day/weekends out and about, they need it at the end of the day.

OP, if they are young, bath them as soon as you get in from being out at the weekend. I always found mine chilled better after a bath, so if we went out for the day or even just to the park in the afternoon, i’d get home, bath them quickly, and get them in pjs to relax. Do bath always before dinner then its done.

Your kids clearly aren't messy eaters!

Alittlelostinlifeisi · 27/05/2024 15:47

KaySam · 27/05/2024 11:19

Can I also say,if you’re too short sighted to see dirt then maybe you need to get an eye test,but are you safe to drive ?

I’ve had an eye test and wear them driving but as they make me feel unbalanced I only wear them while sitting still!

OP posts:
Sillystrumpet · 27/05/2024 15:48

To be honest, I think cleaning your bathrooms and bed linen every month or two is really dirty yes.

Miracleasap · 27/05/2024 15:49

Whiteglasshouse · 27/05/2024 15:43

Really surprised at people saying kids needed bathed as often as adults. Once a week was the norm for pre pubescent children when I was young. Mine have a full body wash once or twice a week and they don’t smell and are not grim. 🤷‍♀️

OP has an 8 year old. Kids today body wise are a lot bigger. My DS is almost 5ft tall and size 7 feet in men's trainers! He's 9. Don't your children do PE twice a week? Attend sports clubs? Being a mum is hard work.... however I say this as a single mum too. Only bathing once a week isn't acceptable and there's no point saying well in my day we didn't smell. You can't smell your own house sometimes! You likely HONKKKK after not washing nearly all week. As a female too.... you need to be taught basics. Missing a day of showering and having a strip wash is one thing but OP isn't even doing that.

I actually think she needs to drop her working hours down if possible.

Lavenderflower · 27/05/2024 15:51

I have read all the comment; bathing your children once a week stood out for me. I would recommend bathing your kids daily.

oakleaffy · 27/05/2024 15:51

KomodoOhno · 27/05/2024 15:19

I'm sorry but if you need to shower or bath every day why do you think your children don't? Kids get grubby much faster then adults. I totally understand skipping a day maybe two for the children but a week?

Also- bathtime is often a lot of fun for children- Time to chat to mum , and play with the water / bubbles- depending on age
Kids get very sweaty heads if they are active and in hot weather and if they have thick hair, it needs washing with a very mild shampoo.

KaySam · 27/05/2024 15:51

Alittlelostinlifeisi · 27/05/2024 15:47

I’ve had an eye test and wear them driving but as they make me feel unbalanced I only wear them while sitting still!

Maybe you need to be checked again to be honest,if they are making you feel unbalanced and you’re unable to see crumbs on a worktop then I’d not want to be driving my children in a car.it doesn’t sound safe to me.

im partially sighted but can still see that the house is untidy,maybe a chat to the dr too might help.

SwingingPonytail · 27/05/2024 15:53

@Aria999 That link from the Harvard site does actually say that if the child isn't having a shower or bath, the parent should wash them including the groin area.

It's quicker and easier to stand them under the shower.

And the 'natural oils' thing is twaddle. There are shower gels etc that actually protect and moisturise and are recommended for people with dry skin or conditions like eczema- eg Aveeno.

FangsForTheMemory · 27/05/2024 15:53

Garlicnaan · 27/05/2024 12:32

Meh. 40 years ago kids were lucky to wash once a week. They don't need daily showers unless they're grubby. I'd up to twice, but that's ok.

I recently booked a few days' annual leave to get the house in order. The key is to get rid of as much stuff as you can. At least half, but probably 75% if you can. Be ruthless. Watch Stacey Solomon for inspiration.

I would set reminders on your phone - so eg wash bedding every 2-3 weeks, put laundry away for 5 mins 3 times a week, etc. get kids to put their own laundry away.

Is the dad on the scene? What does he do?

40 years ago was 1984 not 1884 and I assure you a bath two or three times a week was the norm.

Isitautumnyet23 · 27/05/2024 15:54

Nanny0gg · 27/05/2024 15:46

Your kids clearly aren't messy eaters!

Not too messy to be honest, but the worst case would be sticking pjs in the wash (always done a load a day). I think bathing kids early could really help OP if she is struggling with a routine. Kids are often more chilled after a bath, so getting that done early, would then free up time for OP to cook/do any little jobs and the kids have chill out time before dinner. It always worked well for us through the younger years (DH also works long hours) so its just a suggestion to help build an evening routine that works.

Swipe left for the next trending thread