Do you check your partner’s phone?

[IncognitoUsername]

Or, what would happen if you asked to?
Following on from a few threads today, just made me curious. DH and I are regularly on each other’s phones - doing a pizza order, Funky Pigeon etc or sharing a meme that someone has sent. DH’s phone automatically connects to the car so all his WhatsApp’s etc come through onto the screen. We both have a passcode but it’s the same one so could easily open each other’s phone if we wanted to.

Would a partner having a locked down phone make you automatically suspicious?

The last time I shared a phone was in the 90s when we had a brick phone between us.

I'd never check mu partners phone to snoop or because I was mistrustful of him..
But yeah I use his phone all the time and he mine.. we have the same password!!!
We've been together a long time now tho... I think when we first got together I would have always asked to borrow his phone if I needed.. which wouldn't have been often then. I don't think I ever looked thru it..
I personally don't hold with that. If you don't tryst someone to the extent you feel compelled to look thru their phone then you shouldn't be with them
Trust your gut. Relationships don't work without trust. If you feel you can't trust someone just end it. You don't need to find anything out. You already know.

I never looked at my DH's phone when we were married, it wouldn't occur to me to do so.

Honestly.. I have on a few occasions

God no!
For one thing, we both have fingerprint access to our own phones, so it wouldn't be possible anyway. But I trust him and, even if I didn't, I think not having privacy over your phone (and some other aspects of life) is perverse.
I do use his computer for online banking because I don't have my own, and have never looked at his search history. I'm sure he clears it regularly anyway!

The first time a partner asks to look at my phone is when they're told it's over. It's mine and private. In the same vein, I wouldn't ask to look at theirs. You either trust or you don't, it's that simple to me.

This. Also phones are private?

No. I could if I wanted to, I know his pin, but don’t feel the need.

We don’t have any secrets on our phones, and can pick each others phones up and look at them if we really want to!

I didn’t check my partner’s phone, he was using dating apps behind my back.

Equally I have read that you shouldn’t give anyone access because an abusive partner could install tracking software, monitor your messages, access your finances etc.

I don’t think there’s a one size fits all answer, it depends on the relationship and the level of trust.

Yeah, this. I think it is really strange to use each other's phones to answer each other's emails, and texts, and messages etc (as a pp said,) and to order pizzas and takeaways on their phone. Just use your own phone LOL.

I bet these are the same kind of people who have got a joint Facebook and a joint Twitter and a joint Instagram, and walk around holding hands, ring each other while they're at work, asking, 'what's for dinner later' and call each other their 'best friend.'

Like you, I would be highly insulted if my husband wanted to look through my phone and my laptop to check I wasn't playing away. But he has no interest in my private stuff. And I have no interest in his ... Because I know he's not cheating. I just know it. And he knows I'm not.

As I and several others have said, it's the ones who have complete transparency who sound like they don't trust their partner. Because they need to be able to access their partner's phone all the time.

I bet these are the same kind of people who have got a joint Facebook and a joint Twitter and a joint Instagram, and walk around holding hands, ring each other while they're at work, asking, 'what's for dinner later' and call each other their 'best friend.'

nope…you have a very vivid imagination 😀

I didnt even have a phone until about 15 years ago

dh hasnt had his own phone for the same period

weve trusted each other for nearly 38 years now, phones or no phones 😀

No. I wouldn't dream of asking to look at his phone, much like I don't read his mail.

And no, he's not getting access to mine. For a couple of reasons 1) it's a work phone and therefore I have signed something at work to confirm work info will be kept confidential.
And 2) as someone who has been abused and my ex used messages (all innocent messages between female friends) to further that abuse absolutely no way would I ever allow anyone access to my phone.

If ordering food etc we use our own.

I have to change my passwords every 60 days so he wouldn't be able to guess my code either

"Scary" is not the issue. If your partner works in a hospital, some of the content on his phone will be confidential and you shouldn't be going anywhere near it.

@Notamum12345577 "
We don’t have any secrets on our phones, and can pick each others phones up and look at them if we really want to!"

I don't have secrets on my phone. But I do sometimes have other people's in my messages. I also have things I would rather other people didn't read- bits of writing, for example. The difference between privacy and secrecy is a very real one.

This!!
I may not have any 'secrets' to see on my phone but anyone who messages me does just that, messages me - I respect people's privacy.

"

"Scary" is not the issue. If your partner works in a hospital, some of the content on his phone will be confidential and you shouldn't be going anywhere near it."

Absolutely agree. Phone's are much more than just phones these days. My partner wouldn't want to look at mine anyway, but even if he did he couldn't as it's a work phone and has confidential info on it.

No. I would hate him looking through my phone, so I am not going to look through his.

I say that as a couple who are working our way through affair recovery. I have made a decision to trust him again. And part of that is not snooping, spying and trying to control him. 🤷‍♀️

No, I don’t check it, I never have. Absolutely no need! He doesn’t check mine either.

We might occasionally use each other’s phones if need be but that’s not all that often.

Id be annoyed if he asked to “check” it as that would imply he doesn’t trust me. But he could look, there’s nothing to see! Likewise for him I’m sure.

We know each others pin and occasionally use each others phone. If DH is driving I would send a text for him or if DS1 rings me I might give DH my phone to chat to him too whilst I carry on with stuff. We also have access to each others emails etc but very rarely use it.

I agree with others that if you feel I need to regularly check your partners phone there is something wrong.

We don’t check each other’s phones but we use them occasionally. We are on different networks (deliberately) so sometimes one of us won’t have a signal when the other does, for example.

I know his pass code but I wouldn't look at it. It's got all his work financial and staff stuff in it in any case so not things I should be looking at.
My phone doesn't have a pass code and is only full of running, bike and cat photos anyway.
I think everyone deserves some privacy though....

Genuinely do not get this at all.

Why are people answering phones that aren’t theirs? The person on the other end isn’t wanting to talk to you. And it’s clearly not a one off if it’s being mentioned.

No. But we have each others pass codes and if one phone is closer for the food order/google question/group or family WhatsApp message then we just choose it and no-one seems to bother either way - we always ask the others permission though and then look at one another as if to say "why are you asking, just have it for x, y, z..." this happens once a month if that.

But we don't have any need or desire to see each others phones. As PPs have said, an affair comes out in the wash one way or another.