Do you check your partner’s phone?

[IncognitoUsername]

Or, what would happen if you asked to?
Following on from a few threads today, just made me curious. DH and I are regularly on each other’s phones - doing a pizza order, Funky Pigeon etc or sharing a meme that someone has sent. DH’s phone automatically connects to the car so all his WhatsApp’s etc come through onto the screen. We both have a passcode but it’s the same one so could easily open each other’s phone if we wanted to.

Would a partner having a locked down phone make you automatically suspicious?

If I felt the need to check his phone (rather than use it because mine was flat or something) the relationship would be over.

We also have the same passcodes. I could have complete access to his phone if I wanted it.

I’ve never looked

Nope, never felt the need to!

This is the example I gave! I’m not snooping on his phone but have just seen several people on here today who have done that and discovered cheating.

I never use or look on my DH’s phone. If I wanted to order pizza or a Funky Pigeon card, I’d use my own.

If he was ordering the pizza and I was undecided or hadn’t seen the menu for that place before, for example, I’d probably use my own phone to see the menu, or even if I took his to see the menu I’d not go on other apps or open messages or whatever.

I don't know what would happen as neither of us has ever in the two decades we have been together asked to check each others phones.
If I ever felt the need to check or ask then I'd think that's the start of the end tbh.

I wouldn't want to read my partners messages or have him read mine. People message me in good faith that they are speaking to me only. It would be very unfair and breech their privacy and share their messages with someone else. I assume the sane applies to DP and his friends.

Dh and I have never used each other’s phones, other than maybe plugging it into the car. I don’t see why people need to use someone’s else’s phone to send anything. If I want a photo, I ask and Dh sends it. If I need to use an app, I’d have it on my own phone.

I think Dh would be annoyed if I asked to look at his phone and I’d be super pissed off if he asked to look at mine. If you have to check your partner’s phone to make sure they’re being honest about their online behaviour, then there is a big problem.

I have checked a partner’s phone in the past because I suspected he was a cheating wanker. It wasn’t a healthy relationship. Never checked dh’s phone and if I ever felt like I needed to (never have), there’d be bigger things going on.

In this day and age, all of our personal data is on our phones. I would think it was weird if someone didn’t have it locked down with Face ID. I do.

We have each others pass code but we certainly don't need to use each others phone nothing to do with privacy why would we

I am the “techy” one in the house so I generally can access everyone’s devices as they dump them on me to sort out.

i cba to look through them though. I’ll check settings and whatever, but won’t nose through messages or apps.

no one has access to mine 😂

I would find it suspicious if my husband didn't want me to know his passcode. I've never "checked" his phone, though, but we both will unlock each other's phone if we need/want to look at something (like, often I know he's taken some nice pictures etc). I would never go into his messages though - I'd feel horrible about that.

My partner and I know each other's pass codes. Sometimes we'll take the others phone to pay for something or similar. If I see a message notification pop up at the top of his screen, I deliberately don't look at it.

He is clearly the same because once he'd taken my phone to the bar and I messaged him from his phone to amend my order. He didn't get it because he said he saw a notification pop up but didn't realise it was his name messaging!

I wouldn't go through his messages for no reason because it's a huge invasion of privacy.

If I actually had reason to suspect he was cheating, though, then, yes, I probably would.

Why does not having an iPhone make him a weirdo??

I use it if I need to. I know his PIN code. But I have no reason to look through it ever. And wouldn’t occur to me to even think it

Would a partner having a locked down phone make you automatically suspicious?

What's a locked down phone? We have passcodes on our phones and have never looked at each others but the passcodes are not there for that they are there is case the phones get lost or stolen. DH phone doesn't connect to the car because he doesn't drive so has never needed to do that but mine does as I use CarPlay all the time. As for ordering pizza or funky pigeon we would just use our own phones for that. No need to use each others.

No, and I think it’s a massive privacy violation

I never look at his phone, he never looks at mine. We both use our own phones for work to save carrying 2 devices so have to have pass codes on them. Our phones do both connect to our cars though so we can see each other's contacts etc. Never thought about looking at his tbh have zero reason to.

As an experiment I just said "can I look at your phone?" And he handed it straight over and said "course, are you thinking of getting one?"

@5128gap "People message me in good faith that they are speaking to me only. It would be very unfair and breech their privacy and share their messages with someone else. I assume the sane applies to DP and his friends."

I discovered to my amazement that this is an uncommon view on Mumsnet-although it's standard in my real life. I'm glad to see that there are more of us!

No I never look at his phone and have never wanted to. I have a lot of respect for my husband and so respect his privacy and expect the same.

I'd have no need to ever use his phone because I have my own. And there's nothing his phone does that mine doesn't. If I want to see photos I'll ask him to send them to me.

If one of us gets a message and is too busy to read and/or reply to it then so what? It'll wait until we can deal with it (or want to!)

Marriage or partnership doesn't mean you lose your rights to any privacy! What if your partner was confiding in a sibling or friend about something that he/she hasn't spoken with you about yet? Or if one of my friends messaged me about a personal issue of her own. It would be a complete invasion of her privacy if my partner read it. Why would you want to accidentally read those messages?

I feel like couples who share each others phones have something to prove.

We don’t check each others phones as we have no reason to do so but I could pick his up right now and look at it without issue (he has no passcode) and he could have mine and look as he knows my passcode.

Often when one of us is driving and we need to message someone we might use the other person’s phone to text e.g if we are on our way to meet my mum and she texts us and I am driving he will text her back from my phone with what I want to reply with. Then I guess he could read my messages if he wanted to, and certainly can see the last few between myself and my mum but it’s not an issue.

Neither of us look at each others phones.

We don’t check each others phones, no. I sometimes use his, know the passcodes etc but I wouldn’t look on his messages or anything. Not that he’d care!

We both have passcodes and know each other. We would never check eachothers phone.

I don't feel the need to. If he's hiding something or cheating, it would eventually be obvious, I'm sure, in other ways. I don't need to see the pirn he's viewing or who he's chatting to, following on social media.( I don't do SM as I dont have the patience for it. )

If I cant trust him with his phone or the Internet, I shouldn't be trusting him at all and there would be no point in us being together.

This! DH has a really cheap Samsung that I just can't work out because it has a shit OS.

He always leaves his phone around and never acts weird about it so I don't feel the need on that front.

I know his password and sometimes he will pass it to me to show something. Otherwise I don't touch it.

He uses my phone maybe 2/3 times a month to order a McDonald's on the app while we are on the way and I'm driving or if I've found something to buy and he's giving an opinion. If he has no battery he may use mine but he's unable to change apps etc. it's always "how do you use this stupid iPhone".