To have elective surgery DH disagrees with?

[WhatWouldYouDoEh]

I'd be interested to know if anyone has been in a similar boat and what did you do?

"Surgery" might be a bit strong - it's LASEK or LASIK. Something I've wanted to do for a long time as I hate wearing glasses or contact lenses.

My DH has seemed supportive so far, but now I'm at the point where I've had an initial consultation and I'm suitable to go ahead, he has said he doesn't agree with me having it done. He's concerned about the potential complications (mainly driving at night).

Ultimately he will respect my decision and not stop me going ahead, but now there's a voice of doubt in my mind.

He called it "vanity" surgery and has said he doesn't think it's worth the risk.

I have dreamt of being free of glasses for years and can finally afford to make it a reality. I must admit now I am having doubts.

What are the chances of complications? Where would you get it done?

Have it done!!! It's the best decision I ever made and wish I'd have done it years before!!!

I know two people who have had it - one it was very successful on and they no longer wear glasses. The other was less successful and still wears glasses for driving and reading. Both can drive at night. It’s a bit of a gamble but I think the best you can do is to have consultations from more than one facility to get as well-rounded a view as you can. It’s not entirely vanity because people also have it to reduce eye strain, headaches, etc. But I would go to more than one place and compare their suitability tests, aftercare, pricing, etc. Maybe then if you go ahead your DH will feel it was more of a researched decision?

They are low - but they are there (as with anything). Possible issues with driving at night due to hazing being the main one. I'm probably going to opt for LASEK as I think that seems to have less risks overall (as there is no flap cut into the eye) but the recovery is reportedly longer and more painful... and that was the one the surgeon said he'd probably recommend (although he did say I was borderline and suitable for either so I would need to make the decision).

I'd be having it done at a BUPA hospital, by a very experienced surgeon, who has assessed me thoroughly.

I have lens replacement ( which is a much bigger deal) and it has changed my life. I had no idea how detrimental glasses were to my life regular sinus pain and headaches. In my job glasses getting knocked happens very easily so that no longer happens.

It was the best thing I ever did. Life changing.

Any sensitivity to bright lights, hazing etc, went away completely by 1 month.

It's not a "gamble" as a previous posted suggested. The chances of life long complications are extremely small.

The longer you leave it, the higher the chance that it won't remove the need for glasses completely. So don't wait.

The day of surgery is a pain. You need to be in a dark room for a few hours, someone needs to pick you up to take you home. I had my surgery at 10 am and was watching the evening news with perfect vision (albeit a mild headache and needed to turn the brightness of the TV down a tiny bit)

I was back at work immediately (and my job involves staring at a screen all day)

Thanks!

Sounds like you had LASIK (the one where they cut a flap) and I'm leaning towards LASEK, which I think it meant to be more painful and a slower recovery (but on balance slightly less risk of complications). But still good to hear such a positive account!

I just feel that DHs comments have really taken the wind out of my sails... I mean I know there are risks, but that can be said about almost everything we do in life...

I think it sounds a great idea, OP. Go for it!

I looked into the surgery too and honestly everything I read put me off. One interesting point was that if the surgeries are so successful why have none of the surgeons got it themselves.
On a more serious note though, how quickly people require glasses again and the side effects so many experience is crazy.

I hate my glasses. Hate them!

The surgeon did discuss lens replacement, but ultimately he didn't think it appropriate for me and LASIK or LASEK would be more suitable.

I had LASEK and was completely out of action for at least three days, so you’ll need your husband’s support - I had a combo of him and then when he has to work he took me to my parents because the drop regime is very important and I couldn’t see anything so wouldn’t be able to self administer the right things!

One piece of advice from my experience, take the after care really seriously. Do everything they tell you, don't be tempted to cut corners.
A friend of mine didn't really follow the guidance and her night vision isn't great. I did, and mind is fine. Maybe it's coincidence, but why take the risk?

Does he wear glasses all the time? If he does, is his prescription higher or lower than yours?

It's very easy for somebody who has 20/20 vision and sees all around them clearly all the time to say it's just for vanity when they have absolutely no idea of how much extra they can see than somebody who only sees the bit of the world that is overlaid with acrylic - especially when that goes on to be the bit of the world that's overlaid with the right set of acrylic out of a choice of 3 or one exceptionally expensive set of glasses that might be OK and only if you're at a certain distance and position and there's no additional light sources and you weren't particularly tired at the time of the eye test and the lab did a perfect job and your eyesight hasn't changed again in the last three months...etc, etc, etc.

Go ahead. You've made your decision based upon what is right for you, not what he thinks - and what the hell is 'vanity' to do with it? Is he claiming that you're doing it to make you more attractive to other men? Fuck off.

My husband had it done and said it was the best thing he’s ever done. He’s now paid it off and soon will reach the tipping point where it has paid for itself by him not having to buy contact lens every month. It’s your body, who cares if it’s “vanity” - and it’s not, it’s corrective.

I had lens replacement a few months ago. Honestly, if I’d have had the funds I’d have had it done years ago.

honestly, it’s a revelation being able to see - exercise is easier. I constantly marvel - went to an outdoor pool and just spent the whole time going wow, I can see the clock, other side of the pool etc. dh thought it was hilarious.

its not vanity to want to be able to see and not have to constantly clean your glasses, have them steam up, put them down and not be able to find them etc.

Another day, another shit husband on MN.

Does he have perfect vision? If so he can't possibly understand and needs to STFU. Either way he needs to respect your bodily autonomy.

Personally my laser eye surgery was the best money I ever spent. I took the bus home, spent the afternoon doing the drops and relaxing and was like a new person by evening.

I wear glasses, and I would never have this done because why take a risk with unnecessary surgery for - let's face it - reasons of vanity. And I do rather like wearing glasses.
However, this is most definitely not your husband's decision to make, OP, so if you want to do it, then go ahead. It's nothing to do with him.

Oh gosh yes I would 100% follow the aftercare to the letter.

To be fair to my DH he is a glasses wearer himself and would never wear contacts... but he's not bothered by glasses himself, so he can't really understand. I hate wearing them and find them uncomfortable and they're just generally an inconvenience - swapping endlessly between one pair and sunglasses when it's sunny, the pressure on my nose, sliding down my face constantly, uncomfortable to lie down and watch TV... I do wear contacts sometimes but they're hardly much better as I can't swim or shower in them and I find them a bit irritating.

We swim a lot, with the kids and I love swimming but I hate not being able to see!

How the fuck is it vanity to want to be able to see?

Does he have perfect vision? If so he can't possibly understand and needs to STFU. Either way he needs to respect your bodily autonomy.

OP said he won't stop her. He's perfectly entitled to voice his concerns over a procedure that carries a risk.

I think because I can see with glasses (in his view) and to be fair one of the reasons I want it is because I hate wearing them. I hate them for various reasons but one of the reasons is because I don't like how they look. Which I suppose is vain...

A friend had the Lasik surgery. It went well, but when she ultimately needed cataract surgery years later, it somehow made that more difficult.

I understand not wanting to wear glasses, although I wear them all the time and I'm fine with them.
But surgery is never without risk and I personally would never have a surgery that I didn't medically need. Everybody is different.

My mum had her eyes done recently after 70+ years of wearing glasses and she's found it revolutionary (although she didn't actually mind wearing glasses herself). She needed the surgery due to cataracts mind, but she went a step further and had "extra" done so she could be free of glasses altogether.

He said it was just for vanity. That's just insulting.

Thank you for all the responses. I feel a bit better.

I suppose now at the back of my mind I can hear him telling me "I told you so!" if I do end up with any serious complications... and I'll have the rest of my life with him bloody going on about it I expect.

Him having this view doesn't change the likelihood of complications, I know, but it does mean that I know he'll never let me forget about it if something negative were to happen...