To have elective surgery DH disagrees with?

[WhatWouldYouDoEh]

I'd be interested to know if anyone has been in a similar boat and what did you do?

"Surgery" might be a bit strong - it's LASEK or LASIK. Something I've wanted to do for a long time as I hate wearing glasses or contact lenses.

My DH has seemed supportive so far, but now I'm at the point where I've had an initial consultation and I'm suitable to go ahead, he has said he doesn't agree with me having it done. He's concerned about the potential complications (mainly driving at night).

Ultimately he will respect my decision and not stop me going ahead, but now there's a voice of doubt in my mind.

He called it "vanity" surgery and has said he doesn't think it's worth the risk.

I have dreamt of being free of glasses for years and can finally afford to make it a reality. I must admit now I am having doubts.

Fuck him OP.

it’s your body, not his.

It used to make it more difficult, but not any more, it's literally a case of pressing a different button.

OP - what prescription are you, how old are you and do you have particularly big pupils?

I had LASEK and would 100% recommend. Yes, recovery was painful but quick. Within 3 days pain was gone and vision near perfect.

I would go through it all again in a heartbeat.

Does your husband wear glasses? I think it's hard to understand the benefits if you don't wear glasses yourself.

OP I had major elective surgery which took about 8 weeks to recover from, which cost us about 6k, and my husband never uttered a negative word, because it's my body, my choice, and he's a brilliant partner in life.

If you want to do it, just get it booked; he'll have to support you for, what, a few days? That's marriage for you.

I wore glasses for 40 years, prescription around 6 dioptres. I never wanted to have laser surgery - too chicken basically - scared of everything and also I had heard stories about possible complications and that scared me even more so the operation was out of the question for me. I didn't fixate on the positive stories because the root of the problem was that I was too scared and fixating on the negative would give me a reason not to have the procedure done. And anyway, glasses were not that annoying. Or so I thought....

I had to have cataracts removed last year and wow, hell, once you live without glasses you realize what a pain in the arse glasses are. The clouded lenses were replaced with fresh ones. This meant I got presbyopia straight away - ie. unclear near vision because the lens can no longer adjust, BUT wow, being able to see when you wake up in the morning and open your eyes, or being able to shower and actually see what you are doing or as someone else mentioned, being able to go for a swim and see the clock on the wall.
It's wonderful. It really is.
Driving at night can be difficult in the rain because I see haloes around lights due to the shape of the edges of the implanted lenses.

If you have the surgery and it is successful it will be life-changing for you and you might not even realize how life-changing it is going to be until you have it, even though you might be able to imagine a bit what it is like.
There is the risk of complications but if you feel you are fully informed and aware of what could happen and accept those risks and have chosen a good surgeon then you should go ahead with it. DH does not get to decide. He doesn't get to call it vanity surgery. It's not vanity surgery - it's removing some of the impracticalities of wearing glasses and contact lenses.
You will save a fortune in glasses and contact lenses and prescription sunglasses.

Make your own informed decision and ignore DH.
A point of interest, and actually it ended up being a bit annoying, I got so much more attention from men as soon as I wasn't wearing glasses anymore. Got right on my nerves that did....especially people I had known for years suddenly fancying me and wanting a shag.

The more I think about this the more angry it makes me. You're very clear about why and how much you want this surgery. It's as though he's saying he doesn't trust your judgement or respect your opinions as much as he does his own. For your particular circumstances, you think the benefits of the surgery outweigh any risks, but given risks do (always) exist, I think your (anyone's) life partner should accept that any problems you end up having are in effect an unfortunate accident of circumstances, and support you just as if you had any other accident. Or would he give you a hard time about that too? Crossing busy roads carries risk. If you were in a road accident would he spend the rest of your life telling you it was your own silly fault for not being as sensible crossing roads as him? Perhaps he would.

It is absolutely not "vanity" surgery. It is 100% "functional"!

I had SMILE surgery 1 year ago. It was dear but totally worth it. Just add up the cost of glasses for the rest of your life, including £300 varifocals from age... 50? ... and you'll see it's worth it on a cost basis alone. That doesn't include all the ways it will make you happy every day to be glasses-free.

Also, @Annamarie91 has thia right:

Does your husband wear glasses? I think it's hard to understand the benefits if you don't wear glasses yourself.

He Knows Nothing

Other benefits:
The peripheral vision! OMG! It feels like a superpower.
No more glasses catching your hair in the hinges and breaking it into stupid tufts like one of those little owls.
The glasses bumping around on your face when you run.

I am so happy I had the surgery.

It’s not vanity. I had it done because my prescription was massive and glasses/contacts cost me a fortune. It had paid for itself within 2 years for me. The weight of glasses gave me migraines, the blind spots and inability to get on with varifocals was irritating.
one time my glasses broke and I was stuck in a carpark almost an hour from home and soneobe had to come and get me and drive my car home.

Vanity?

I was REALLY short sighted and I lost my glasses in Prague on a weekend. Not fun being unable to read street signs, train station screens, etc.

He’s using fear to control you. That sounds extreme, but it’s what he’s doing and it’s working as you’re now faltering.

These are your eyes and your body and your money. You’re a capable woman and you’ve done appropriate preparation. It’s your decision, not his.

My prescription is not that strong... so would be interested to know if that makes a difference to the responses.

-2.5 and -3

So I'm short-sighted enough that I need glasses, but I can see well enough to get by in the world without them if needed (but obviously can't drive without them). When I'm not wearing glasses I feel... disconnected from the world and people around me.

I'm not sure how I'd know if I have big pupils, but I don't think so and it wasn't mentioned when I was examined.

Just keep saying "don't be ridiculous" and do as you wish . Do not engage in any other conversation.

had a -1.75 prescription and astigmatism and had it done age 32 12 years ago

It is the best decision I ever made. Had it done in the high street- optical express

The technology is different now but had an lasik and an add in called wave front to reduce the risk of night driving problems think it's idesign now

I've had no problem other than dry eyes for a few years

Your DH is being an idiot and unhelpful. He sounds like a condescending prick with his I told you so.

Glasses are expensive and annoying
They fog up, get dirty, glare, break, date, get wet, can be unflattering

I had LASEK a few years ago and I regret it because it didn't work and left me with dry, sore eyes and reduced night vision.

BUT I went to a crappy high street one and the aftercare was rubbish.

I wish I had been able to have LASIK because I think the recovery might have been better.

So if you have researched the surgeon then go for it. If it had worked for me it would have been life changing.

Beware though that you won't be able to do anything for yourself afterwards so your husband will need to be supportive.

I've had it done, and fixed my astigmatism which astounded me when I realised just how much flare I'd been used to from lights and suddenly driving in the dark on busy motorways was so much easier without all the additional lines of light!

Recovery was a pain just with all the drops and wearing the weird plastic glasses to bed. But I love not wearing glasses. I can buy cute sunglasses, my makeup isn't hidden behind frames, no faffing with contact lenses...

The actual procedure was weird cos you have to look at a bright light and my brain just wanted to make my eye screw up tight so I had to really concentrate during it.

I had my LASIK nearly 25 years ago and it's been WONDERFUL. Absolutely life changing. Even now in my late 40's I don't need glasses. Like you I did a lot of swimming and was fed up of swimming into things/people/the end of the pool!

I researched my surgeon and spoke to her several times before the surgery.

You will be pretty blind for several hours afterwards so you will need someone to bring you home and you must follow the after care.

I absolutely refute that it's vanity surgery. It is cosmetic, but it is a life enhancing procedure.

Good luck OP!

I have seen too many stories of complications from laser eye surgery where people are left in constant pain and with serious vision problems to even consider eye surgery. These complications may be rare statistically but personally I don't think it's worth the risk. However annoying glasses and contact lenses are.

If you have bad distance vision, driving at night isn’t great anyway.

I always wanted to get it done until a friend pointed out that most of the opticians in our local branch wear glasses, so clearly don’t wish to risk it themselves!

I did it, life changing! Went from being blind as a bat from teens to being able to se 20/20.
Inout it off for about 20 years because I was worried - my only regret is not doing it sooner

I had mine done 25 years ago. It cost me £1600. Don't think LASEK was widely available then.
My DS was only 2 and I remember worrying about it all going wrong. I'd worn gas permeable contacts for years but found it a faff with a baby/toddler and was messing about with daily disposables. My DH was concerned but he didn't much like my Dierdre Barlow glasses either and I couldn't be arsed getting new ones because I hated them so much.
Surgeon put the fear of god in me about rubbing my eyes afterwards with the tale of someone who did and ripped their flap to shreds and it had to be reconstructed like a jigsaw (not very successfully). I wore clear glasses all day and goggles at night for two weeks.
I've had no problems except for dry eyes and still use artificial tears regularly. About 5 years ago I needed to get some 1.0 reading glasses for close work in poor light and some driving glasses but I'm 64 now so it's likely age related.
A friend's husband had his done at the same time as me. He paid £300 per eye and his night vision was very poor afterwards.
My main issue is massive sensitivity to sunlight but as a ginger with light green eyes that was always the case. I never go out without sunglasses even in winter and have spares everywhere. I can only wear brown tinted though, grey makes me feel queasy but I think that's just me☺️
Changed my life. So glad I had it done.

Do you know the costs these days? I'm interested but also terrified!

And that's put me off. What was your vision before and what glasses do you need now?

Like you, I've always hated wearing glasses, and used contact lenses for years. Problem is, my prescription has changed for near vision, & normal contact lenses don't work. There are bi-focal contact lenses, but my prescription is too strong. Lasik isn't suitable for the same reason. The strength of your prescription will indicate if it's a viable option. I wouldn't bother if you need glasses just for night-driving/watching TV etc.