To have elective surgery DH disagrees with?

[WhatWouldYouDoEh]

I'd be interested to know if anyone has been in a similar boat and what did you do?

"Surgery" might be a bit strong - it's LASEK or LASIK. Something I've wanted to do for a long time as I hate wearing glasses or contact lenses.

My DH has seemed supportive so far, but now I'm at the point where I've had an initial consultation and I'm suitable to go ahead, he has said he doesn't agree with me having it done. He's concerned about the potential complications (mainly driving at night).

Ultimately he will respect my decision and not stop me going ahead, but now there's a voice of doubt in my mind.

He called it "vanity" surgery and has said he doesn't think it's worth the risk.

I have dreamt of being free of glasses for years and can finally afford to make it a reality. I must admit now I am having doubts.

Sorry but your last update doesn't make it sound like he's very nice, rather a bit vindictive and like you walk on eggshells around him.

It sounds like you have a good doctor and aren't going to a high street chain which is important. My only regret is that I didn't do it years before! I also regret staying too long with my rigid husband who had no empathy.

I had mine done in 2004, I'm only now just starting to need to wear glasses / lenses again now as my eyes have aged (now 47) but 20 years of perfect vision and not having to mess with lenses, prescription sunglasses/ goggles etc were absolutely worth the money and the very slight negatives of slightly dry eyes and slight halos on dark, wet nights.

He's got a lot of good qualities don't get me wrong... but I know he'll be pissed off if (for example) I end up not able to drive at night... which I think is unlikely but still a possibility as it is a risk of the surgery. And I'm sure if that scenario came to light he would have something to say. I suppose not unreasonably...

Yes I have done a fair bit of research into the surgeon. I wanted someone local (for aftercare mainly), but also experienced. This surgeon has trained and worked at Moorfields and now runs a private service with three other surgeons, and is very experienced. His experience is impressive. I'll have to go to London for the actual surgery but all pre and follow-up appointments are conducted ~30 mins from where I live. So if I have any concerns it's trivial to be seen again by the same surgeon.

I paid £300 for the initial consult, and so I feel relatively confident that if I wasn't eligible he would have turned me away (unlike the "high street" practitioners who offer a free consultation) as he's already been paid for his time.

Although that said my sister-in-law had hers done years ago at Optical Express or similar and has had no issues, so I'm not bad-mouthing those companies... it's just my personal preference.

Does your dh just not want to spend the money?

I'm afraid that the surgery is irrelevant to me. Your choice. End of.

Your DHs reaction is late, unpleasant and unhelpful

And you are now MORE worried because should something go wrong, you'll have to deal with the problem AND DH being a fucking twat

He sounds like a liability to me

That old rehashed line….

it’s absolutely brilliant. I cannot believe I tolerated 20yrs not being able to see without glasses or contacts. It’s life changing.

its brilliant for some people. For others (like me) it cost upwards of 3 grand, I now have dry eyes, recovery took ages, vision at night is not great and I have to wear glasses full time again. It barely lasted 2 years before I needed glasses - I’m only in my mid thirties so it’s not the reading glasses in later life scenario that they’ll promise you. My optician said I’m far from the only one he’s seen in this situation.

your DH has a point.

People always say this but I think there are a lot of reasons not many (not none though) eye surgeons don’t have laser surgery. Firstly, they need to have super sharp vision for the microscopic surgeries they do so the small chance of a residual prescription that can’t be corrected by glasses could affect their work. For people not working in this or a similar field then they might not even notice that small deficit. Secondly I imagine they have seen or read about the tiny number of serious complications which would create a bias in the same way all obstetricians and colorectal surgeons seem to have c sections as they’ve seen the worst possible outcomes from vaginal deliveries.

I had a not totally successful lasik (residual prescription, some hazing of lights, dry eyes) and it’s still one of the best things I ever did!

Out of interest, how is your husband’s eyesight? Anyone with 20:20 vision is not qualified to comment in my opinion. Vanity surgery indeed. Imagine waking up and being able to see!!!

Nope nope and nope. I know 10 people that have had laser eye surgeon and 7 of them have had complications. I would never ever have the surgery and I say that as a glasses wearer. I would rather wear glasses than be in horrific pain or seeing bright lights etc like my friends do. Not worth it

Op, I'm thinking of this, so wondered if you can recommend the surgeon or practice that you had your appointment with?

I had LASEK, and have had dry eyes ever since. I can drive at night but my night vision is worse than it would otherwise be. I did have about 10 years glasses free, I now have a tiny prescription. Overall a mixed bag.

Is he worried about the new self confidence you will have perhaps??

“None” of the surgeons have it themselves.

Thats entirely untrue. The One Show featured an ophthalmic surgeon having lens replacements and I had my surgery after reading the account written by a surgeon of his own experience.
I don’t know anyone who’s had it done that required glasses again nor of anyone who has had detrimental side efffcts.

The One Show featured an ophthalmic surgeon having lens replacements.

Lens replacement is not the same as Lasik.

I made a decision about my life/appearance based on my DHs opinion at the time. My DH has since left me after having an affair with another woman. I wish I'd never bloody listened to the fuck wit and just done what I wanted.

I'm not saying your DH is cheating or going to leave. But what I am saying is that it's your life and you need to live with the consequences of doing it/not going through with it, not him. So suit yourself and only yourself.

Yep me too!

I absolutely hate wearing glasses too, and I can't get away with contacts, despite trying on a number of occasions

A friend of my mums had laser surgery a few years ago and had severe complications. He's now registered blind and there's nothing they can do to reverse the damage. For this reason I would never have them done. Yes, the chances of these sort of complications are very low, but knowing how it's affected someone's life has put me off forever. I'll put up with the glasses 🤓

I had it done in my early 40s, for all of the reasons you said. A few days of recovery, sitting in a dark room, eyes covered and all was well.
would he be supportive of the recovery time? There’s no way you can cook and clean or put kids to bed.

I have slight hazing at night but nothing that stops me from driving. I am now mid-50s and need reading glasses but I loved that decade without glasses!

It’s the best thing I’ve ever spent money on (apart from my house) and for me it was admittedly vanity based as I hated how I looked in glasses and I have no regrets. My eyes are slightly more sensitive to light but driving at night is fine and I wear sunglasses more but that’s partly because I now have lots of sunglasses after being so limited to prescription or lack of vision in them.

Your body your choice.
I will say I had it done in 2012 I was back wearing glasses by 2018.
I was just unlucky. I had a stable prescription and had zero complications healing etc it's just one of those things.
It kind of feels like wasted money looking back

Best thing I ever did. I do get a bit of glare at night but can drive without an issue. I don’t know which one I had but it was 15 years ago and I still have 20/20 vision so am delighted. My sister also had it done and had 20/20 vision for about 5 years before her eyesight deteriorated a bit (which would have happened even without the surgery) and so she’s a bit short sighted now and wears glasses again. It is a bit of a gamble as to how long it will last I suppose but for me it’s been incredible. It’s not vanity surgery in the slightest- being able to see is not being vain!

Normally I’d say YANBU - your body, your choice (which I do still agree with!) but in this instance I’d side with your DH. To me LASIK isn’t worth the risk whatsoever, there are now so many reports of people with serious, lifelong complications from it. Your eyesight and quality of life are far more important than the vanity aspect of not having to wear glasses. Contact lenses are the best alternative, I’ve been a daily wearer for 10 years and mine genuinely don’t bother me in the slightest.

I find it telling that out of all the ophthalmologic surgeons I work with none of them have had LASIK despite a huge amount of their practice being dedicated to performing it. They’ve all stuck firmly to glasses!

I had LASIK 10 years ago. It was £2.5k per eye and was the best money I have ever spent. I was short sighted and I am practically 20/20 a decade on. The surgery looks gory but the reality of it isn't too bad.

A colleague had hers done and convinced me. She did say it was quite painful immediately afterwards but not during. She had a very strong prescription so whether they had to laser her eyes more, making it a worse recovery I am not sure.

Because of her experience, I took 2 codeine and 2 paracetamol half an hour before I was due to have it done. I was absolutely petrified in the waiting room, when I laid on the bed a nurse held my hand throughout, I was so frightened. They put eyedrops in that completely numb your eyeball, then the clamp that keeps your eye open, I always thought this would be the horrible part but your eyes are so numb you don't even feel the urge to blink, then this big machine gets lowered onto your eyeball, it pushes down and cuts the flap, all I felt was the pressure of pushing, no pain. The doctor then manually lifts the flap to the side, at this point your vision goes blurry and out of focus, like looking through opaque glass, another machine is lowered and the laser starts. You hear clicking and see bright lights, it lasts seconds. The doctor then manually puts the flap back over and they repeat on your other eye.

I had an eye test before and an eye test immediately after. I could instantly read the tiniest writing on the bottom line straight after!

About 20 minutes after the procedure my eyes began streaming with water, they didn't stop pouring for a good 6 hours, I couldn't open my eyes, it was like when you are cutting an onion. No pain though. I just went to bed and relaxed.

The next day when I woke up I had foggy clouds in my peripheral vision, which is common. This haze lasted about a week, gradually diminishing each day.

In all honesty, the worst part of it all, was the fact I couldn't wash my face or hair for the week after as you can't risk water getting in behind the flap before it has fully healed. I also remember having to sleep on my back like a post because you can't smush your face into your pillows in case you dislodge the flap. I went to the mandatory check up 2 days after the surgery to see if it was healing well.

The weirdest thing was putting my glasses on and my vision being like it was when I took them off!

GO FOR IT!