To be a bit upset that my mum doesn't know who inherits the house?

[chillyolives]

My mum is 55. My step dad is 44 (don't call him that, to me he's my real dad)

Anyway, I asked her casually what happens to the house if she and my dad were to die.

She said it's being left to the kids. So assuming me, and my 3 technically half siblings

I said, is she sure I would even get something since I am probably not named as one of the kids, as I'm not my dads biological etc etc

She said really absent mindedly 'oh I don't know actually, I'm sure you are included surely'

And then changed the subject.

Does anyone know if I would actually get a share of the house or not?

My mum is a lovely, lovely woman but has raging ADHD and avoids any direct, pressing issues she'd aerially have to go and find out via a 3 step process of more etc

So it's not that she's avoiding the truth on purpose, I'm sure.

My dad is a man of few words. To everyone. And I feel too awkward asking him

That’s horrible. But then maybe those kids already know that parent is, well I have no words.

At those ages with half siblings that are still minors it's probably not the time to discuss the will as it should currently reflect contingency for the care of your siblings. Once everyone is over 18, it's a good time to look at them again and crucially discuss powers of attorney.

Your stepfather is very young! Your mum barely older than me, just not something we worry about currently. (Ours is complicated by step situation but it is not detailed beyond 4 way split)

If you do want to bring it up, your best approach is to ask to discuss guardianship of your siblings as that's far less grabby!

What on earth is it with some of the people on here? Do they not like their kids or something?

Indeed. There seems to be some very unpleasant game-playing going on in some families.

Some of the replies on this are mad OP.

I can guarantee if your mum posted saying she was avoiding making a will but was sure her husband would leave his share to her daughter, posters would be falling over themselves to tell her how shit she is to not make sure.

Can you speak to your dad and say you were talking with your mum about it and you're worried that she hasn't put anything in place to make sure her wishes are recorded somewhere.

As someone with ADHD myself it's really stressful having things you're worried aren't sorted and hanging around in your mind. She might be relieved if your Dad confirms it is all sorted.

Hopefully he can reassure you too. It sounds like he does see you as a daughter.

Did adoption never come up op? If you both felt so strongly about being dad/daughter surely that would be a logical step? or at least a consideration? I find it a little strange that he would fall out with all his family over their description of your relationship, but never make it official, which would legally change the description of it.

with regards to the wills, I think it’s important to know if there are wills (not necessarily what is in them) because people have already answered what will happen if both/either die without wills, with no wills and if you mum dies first you will get nothing from him.. which is not really the actions of a ‘dad’, so you’re not wrong to be concerned.

I personally think this is about more than what the wills say.

It’s quite shocking really. My kids can have everything I own, no good to me when I’m scattered. But then I don’t play manipulative mind games with my kids, I love them and, a bit radical here, I like them.

It's ridiculous.

Imagine if I posted as a step mum saying I was going to leave the house to my step daughter's younger siblings if my DH dies first. I'm sure everyone would be saying the same re how that's completely fine and my choice. Not.

The more pressing issue is that, if something happens to then in the next 7 years, you would be the legal guardian of your half siblings and would potentially need to take in power if attorney for both finance and health and welfare of your parents.

They might not have a will. In that instance, next of kin inherit. It does have the potential at l to be messy if one of your siblings decides you are not next of kin for your Dad’s half of the estate, but if all is amicable, you would just split it 4 ways.

In fact, look at the current one re grandparent inheritance and everyone insisting that it should be equal and anything else is abhorrent.

It’s up to the parent to ensure that their child is listed on their portion of the will and that they haven’t gone for simple mirror wills where the SC is left nothing if the parent dies first.

I have DSC, they’re not inheriting anything from me. That’s for DH to sort with his half.

Not necessarily

Depends (assuming there IS a will) as to who is named as executor

It does not have to be a family member

Does your DH have a will?

that is what is being questioned here because if your DH dies first with no will you will inherit everything.. so in those circumstances are you saying that you wouldn’t then leave any of what was his portion of the estate to your DSC when you die, or even upon his death?

Why are people saying its none of her business? Of course its her business!!!
I guess its easy to say that when you dont need the money

He does.

But the point stands; the onus should not be on the stepparent to do the right thing; it’s for the parent to take care of.

OP, obviously your parents are entitled to pass on their estates to whomever they choose but it would be very sensible to have a clear idea of their wishes (age is irrelevant here as people can die at any time). At the very least they should be able to reassure you that it is all documented properly.

When a parent dies, it's traumatic enough without having to deal with extra admin that both parents could make much easier by having a very simple and standard form will - for the benefit of all siblings. Particularly where there are blended families and the possibility for confusion, resentment or hurt.

It is very sad to see the mess left behind when people don't take the small bit of effort to sort their own admin out and dump it on their kids (even if the kids are adults) at an emotionally tough time. It's a caring thing to do and it's often the upset at a parent not caring enough about a child's feelings to bother, rather than it necessarily being about the money itself. There are fair reasons for estates to be split differently - if one child is under 18, more of the estate may be needed for their care or help with Uni etc if the other kids have already had that, etc.

Wills can be very simple documents if you just want to provide that each parent's estate goes to the surviving parent and then on to the children (being the biological children for your Mum and the biological children plus step daughter for your dad). Even one of the standard form ones you can find in WHSmith is better than nothing (just make sure you follow the instructions for getting them signed, witnessed etc).

Perhaps an easier way to open the conversation is to mention your own wills to them, whether by asking advice or letting them know that you have them (and how easy they were to sort!) and where the originals are located in case anything happens to you and your DH (it's grim having to sift through a deceased loved one's belongings to determine whether they have a will and find the original...), or something similiar.

It's a shame your dad couldn't adopt you before you turned 18 as that would have solved part of the issue. In the US, I think you can do an adult adoption after 18 but that is not the case in the UK.

Your mum is 55. I'm older than that and if my kids asked me that question I'd disinherit them pronto.

You’re absolutely right, but it happens time and time again that people don’t really think they are going to die or think of the repercussions of their actions if they don’t have a contingency plan or wills. You are then relying on the beneficiaries of the will to do the right thing and often times they won’t.

my point is OPs mum doesn’t know that her DH has a will or not, so can’t answer any questions, IMO it is firmly up to OPs mum to make sure op is provided for in her and her DHs wills if that is what she wants.. because the reality is if OPs mum dies first with no will, her step dad could then change his will anyway.

It’s horrifying the amount of threads on here about wills. I hope my mother spends all her money before she dies, we are not entitled to any of it and it’s so macabre and grabby that people think they are and actively ask about it. Jesus Christ.

@chillyolives the only way you will find out is to get Mum and SD together and ask politely. I get what you are saying - it’s clear how hurt you were by his parents calling you STEP daughter. But he challenged them. So he has probably done right by you. But equally may have not thought to set things up. Even if he has, that may not mean you all get the same. You might get half your Mum’s estate and a percentage of his. Their kids could get a percentage of the other half of your Mum’s estate and a share of his. But none of it is guaranteed. It depends if both your Mum and SD have made updated Wills. It could be that they have put the house in trust. But, if you want to know you have to be brave and ask. Even if you start by saying ‘what happens to younger kids if you both die, does the house go in Trust for them, do I get a life interest, how will they be provided for’ and so on? I hope you can have this conversation, I can see it is not about being grabby.

It’s not her money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t think it’s rude, or at least it isn’t rude in my family. All my parents (mum, stepdad, dad and stepmum) have openly shared with me and my brother what their plans are in their wills. All the parents are in their 60s

None of your business. They could leave it to the scabby cats society and it would be none of your concern.

you have mentioned it to them , that’s more then enough.

they are well aware you exist , no you aren’t entitled to anything

I don’t see the issue regarding the will. We told our three the contents of ours. Assets split between them and if any of them die their share goes to their children. All nice and simple

OP, I think you need to pull on your big girl pants and make them both sit down with a cup of tea to be given the talk about the importance of making a will. Not for you, and not necessarily for your benefit, but because it sounds as though there are younger still dependant children in the household and their needs should be considered.

You need to talk about inheritance obviously, but also funeral plans and guardianship. Without a will, even if there is a surviving spouse, things can be stuck in probate for months. Dying intestate puts additional pressure on a family at a time when they really don’t need it.