To be a bit upset that my mum doesn't know who inherits the house?

[chillyolives]

My mum is 55. My step dad is 44 (don't call him that, to me he's my real dad)

Anyway, I asked her casually what happens to the house if she and my dad were to die.

She said it's being left to the kids. So assuming me, and my 3 technically half siblings

I said, is she sure I would even get something since I am probably not named as one of the kids, as I'm not my dads biological etc etc

She said really absent mindedly 'oh I don't know actually, I'm sure you are included surely'

And then changed the subject.

Does anyone know if I would actually get a share of the house or not?

My mum is a lovely, lovely woman but has raging ADHD and avoids any direct, pressing issues she'd aerially have to go and find out via a 3 step process of more etc

So it's not that she's avoiding the truth on purpose, I'm sure.

My dad is a man of few words. To everyone. And I feel too awkward asking him

I really don't understand the responses here. First of all people can die young so as soon as you have children, to me you need a will in place not only for the financial side of things but also setting out guardians for the children, executor of the trust for under age children etc. In this case because there are step siblings involved I would think if your parents want an even split between you all they need to discuss with a solicitor the best way to do this in their wills. If your mum doesn't want the conversation however that's very tricky. Me and DH sorted our wills out in our 30's when a friend of mine lost her partner and the lack of will caused a lot of issues at an already very difficult time. Just lost another friend in his 40's. I don't understand anyone saying no rush to sort it!

I think your mums vagueness and refusal to answer the question means that you are not included in the will, sorry 🙁

Ah OP, sorry you got so piled-on, you're not the odd one here. Of course you have a right to know, of course it's your business.

I appreciate it must be cultural, but many of these replies are incomprehensible to me. My mum's 57 and dad's 61 and hopefully they'll live a lot LOT longer. However, I fully well know exactly what I'm getting and how much I'm getting. What my brother is getting and how much. There's two of us, everything is divided equally. Not only that, my dad actually asked to help us divide it between us, which part of the estate is better for whom. It's a substantial amount of money/businesses/properties, so it takes some doing.

So I know everything exactly. Do I expect it? 100%. As is my right. Where I'm from, you pass your wealth to your kids. And then they to their kids. And so on. Provided, there are no absolutely massive massive issues behind the scenes. All this bullshit about 'cat sanctuaries' - no one would say that. WTF you even work for, to snub your own children and leave your money to strangers? Absolutely ludicrous. Everyone would think you're completely soft in the head should you do this (and no one does). You enjoy fruits of your labor whilst alive, but don't waste it left and right, grow your capital and pass it to your kids. I have one child, so will leave everything to her and she already knows it now, although she's still a tween.

All the hush hush secrets, half-spoken truths and crap just breed resentment. Much better to lay it out bluntly and openly so everyone would know where they stand.

Never expect to inherit anything. Then if you do, it will be a lovely surprise….but if you don’t, you will avoid disappointment, resentment, envy etc.

@willWillSmithsmith ansolutely right that the owners of the estate should discuss their wishes IF THEY WANT TO.

Not for anyone else to enquire/demand to know what they are going to do with it. Children, step children or otherwise. No one has a right to their parents estate. It’s a gift if it’s left to you, a bonus. Not an entitlement.

I’m sorry you’re being piled on OP. My DH is in the same position as you with his (step) dad and DH also has two step siblings. DH mum and dad never had any children together. His dad will barring a freak accident or sudden serious health issue outlive his mum (mum has been given 6-12 months). His dad has told DH he is planning on living to 100 but on the off chance he doesn’t all three children are included in the will. Speak to your dad maybe under the guise that you and your husband are considering your own wills. You will potentially struggle if you are not included in the will particularly if your mum dies first.

If my stepchild asked if they were in my will I would write them out

"I appreciate it must be cultural, but many of these replies are incomprehensible to me. My mum's 57 and dad's 61 and hopefully they'll live a lot LOT longer. However, I fully well know exactly what I'm getting and how much I'm getting. What my brother is getting and how much. There's two of us, everything is divided equally. Not only that, my dad actually asked to help us divide it between us, which part of the estate is better for whom. It's a substantial amount of money/businesses/properties, so it takes some doing."

Yes, this is how things have been dealt with in my immediate family.

I think discussing plans for what I want to happen after my death is part of being an adult. There should be no surprises. It's part of being a loving parent imo.

Of course you have a right to know, of course it's your business

In the same way that you find it so baffling that people don't discuss their money with their adult children, I find it baffling that you think you have a right to know. I actually can't understand that at all,

OP I don’t share the outrage of some posters on this thread.

You have parents with varying degrees of challenge in their lives (ADHD / drinking etc), and due to having half siblings the situation isn’t straightforward.

Everyone should have a Will. Can you pick this up again with your Mum, encouraging her to make a will. You don’t need to quiz her about what she puts in that Will because you presumably trust her to want to do right by her children. And if she speaks with a solicitor she will be able to ensure that her share of the house and assets are shared fairy. Mention that it would make sense for her DH to make his at the same time.

It is highly likely that if she went first (without a will so that he inherited her assets) and then he died without a will that his estate would be divided amongst your younger siblings. This is why, unless that is what they actually want (which sounds unlikely) they both need to make Wills

Even if you had inherited a load of money from their bio parent?

Nice.

Really? I’d tell DS because it’s all been left to him. Why wouldn’t you tell your children unless it’s because you know you’ve left someone out/done something that will cause a rift after you are dead?

We have the same situation in our family but we know about it. My dads second wife (who is significantly younger) gets everything. It's their money to do what they please with, so it's fine. I guess the difference is, they're being upfront about it so it wont be a shock when anyone dies.

We (four kids) make our own money and don't rely on any inheritance. If our step mother decides to give us some, then great, but I'd also be quite happy if she used it all to support herself and put herself in a nice care home.

See im shocked when these inheritance threads come up because I couldn't imagine making t unfair to my children. When I pass everything will be split equally and fairly and I will be telling hem way before I pass what I am doing so there is no surprises. Same thing happened in our family, it shocked us and caused a rift in the family. I've never respected my grandpa since. I loved him but he really gave us a shock with what he did in his will because what kind of person doesn't care about what happens to their child after their death?

Yanbu to be hurt if you found out they both left you out of the will. Why shouldn't you inherit something if your siblings do? It would be very mean.

Of course it is about the money! She has every right to ask. If her mother leaves it to her sf then op might not get anything. Haven’t you heard of sp leaving everything to their bio children? The mother ought to get her affairs in order, 50s is not young and plenty die at this age or a bit older! I have had a Will since my 30s.

This grabby talk is nonsense. Parents shouldn’t play games with this issue unless there is an ulterior motive, like wanting to keep you guessing. An inheritance can make the difference between a comfortable pension or giving deposits to their own dc.

And one more thing, inheritance is often made up of an inheritance that the parent got themselves. This should be considered. I do not want my dc to inherit and then in turn give my money away to people who are not my gc.

If they are married, surely if one of them dies, the other inherits from them. I don't think it would be relevant that the house is in one name only, or who contributed most to it. If your Sdad survives your mother, he can do what he likes with his property in his will. So no guarantees that you or anyone else would automatically inherit in that situation.

Just assume you're getting shit all, and then you won't be disappointed.

My in-laws have changed their will about 5 times as they've fallen in and out with various members of the family.

Luckily we own our own money and stay out of it.

No DH's Will stipulates if he goes before me dsd gets half of everything. I have dcs so obviously he wouldn't want all of his money going to them. They're not his dcs.

By lines of succession the house and assets will automatically transfer to the spouse. So if your mum dies first it’ll transfer to your dad. If he then dies without a valid Will it will transfer to his children. And vice versa. So in theory, unless it’s in their Will you could be left out and this happens daily with stepfamilies - I see it in my profession literally every day. It’s sad and unfair but they have ample opportunity to make it fair. I also see daily that couples promise to give a share to their spouses children if they die first and they immediately rewrite their Will and cut the step kids out.

I also believe that no one has a right to anything, and any gift is just that, a gift. If they wanted you to have it then they’d make sure it happened. My mum died while we were estranged and I didn’t get anything, but to be honest I didn’t want anything from her anyway. I also know that my dad’s Will is written so that my sister gets more - because she needs more. She’s his carer and lives in his house, when he passes away she'll need to move and get a job plus I have a great job, earn enough for me and my daughter, own my home, and don’t need that same support.

Your mum is very young. I am sure she’ll be thrilled to be asked about her death plans (that said, I have my will sorted).

I'm not bothered by inheritance but it's sensible to be aware of what's going on. For example are you going to be executing the estate? Are you being left out because they haven't thought it through?

OP knows her situation and I think she's reasonable to feel concerned that her parents wouldn't do their wills thoroughly. However she can't force them to.

The truth is if they really want to make sure OP is in the will, they will need to take action, and if they can't be bothered OP, unfortunately that's your answer.

Luckily you were able to raise it to your mum, but from there, it's their decision/indecision that determines the outcome.

I hope they know who is going to be executing any wills also!

I have a will. And I have had conversations about DC and their care if I did and H dies

I am 26.

Death can come for anyone at any age. I think a Will is essential and open and frank conversations should be had, especially if you have children

This 🙌🏻

You can encourage them to each make a will but you can't tell them what to put in it.

If you mum doesn’t know who inherits it’s obvious she hasn’t made a will. It depends on who owns the house, who dies first and who has made a will. If it’s jointly owned the surviving spouse will likely inherit unless a will indicates otherwise.
That means if your mum dies first your stepdad will inherit and it’s then up to him who he bequeaths it to. If he doesn’t make a will it will likely go to his kids.
If he dies first it’s then your mum who will inherit. She can then decide who to bequeath it to. If she doesn’t make a will it’s likely to be divided between the 4 of you but I think the govt takes a chunk of it
I’m not a legal expert but this is just my understanding of inheritance law