To be a bit upset that my mum doesn't know who inherits the house?

[chillyolives]

My mum is 55. My step dad is 44 (don't call him that, to me he's my real dad)

Anyway, I asked her casually what happens to the house if she and my dad were to die.

She said it's being left to the kids. So assuming me, and my 3 technically half siblings

I said, is she sure I would even get something since I am probably not named as one of the kids, as I'm not my dads biological etc etc

She said really absent mindedly 'oh I don't know actually, I'm sure you are included surely'

And then changed the subject.

Does anyone know if I would actually get a share of the house or not?

My mum is a lovely, lovely woman but has raging ADHD and avoids any direct, pressing issues she'd aerially have to go and find out via a 3 step process of more etc

So it's not that she's avoiding the truth on purpose, I'm sure.

My dad is a man of few words. To everyone. And I feel too awkward asking him

Of course it's her business. It's her mum. Not everyone who asks about money is up to no good. It can be normal to ask these questions in advance to understand what might happen later. Stop being so utterly ridiculous.

My motivation for knowing is because I would feel deeply hurt if they both died and nobody bothered to put me down as someone worthy of inheritance

Well that’s bullshit.

Your motivation is cold hard cash 💰
Your mum has already told you that she thinks you get it too, wants you to - and you already know that the “risk” here is that she doesn’t do it “because ADHD”.

So if that really was the motivation, and you got nothing, you’d be just fine - cos you’d feel it was the thought that counted.

I mean don’t get me wrong - I’d be raging to be left out, personally. But you can’t pretend it’s not about the money 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP I am shocked by these replies! It’s not strange or rude for you to want to know!!! I’m sure your parents and siblings would all want it to be fair and to not run into problems at a later time (when everyone is also grieving). People die everyday and it’s best to get things sorted. Ask your dad. Offer to help them get a formal will. It’s not about the money, you’re just being sensible. Plus it does help you to vaguely plan ahead with your own life/finances if you have some idea of their will. My mum, dad, step dad and grandparents are all open about this stuff (I’m 31) and don’t find it rude to discuss it at all.

Of course these things need to be discussed in life. It's a bit late trying to talk about them after death. My mum was a total head-in-the-sand person when it came to this stuff too, so when she died at 51yo without a Will, it took years and £thousands to sort out the mess left behind. Including having to track down my father to get proof that they were divorced. It is incredibly selfish to just leave your financial affairs for your loved ones to deal with after your death.

As it stands, unless your parents have Wills that say you will inherit from them, you will only be entitled to a share of the house if your stepfather dies first. If your mum goes first, it will all pass to your siblings on the death of their father.

I often think that people who say that anyone reasonably expecting to inherit is disgustingly ‘grabby’, is very likely someone who can expect to inherit sod all.

Like a pp, who said that her GPs were happy to think of their relatives benefiting from what they were able to leave, I feel exactly the same. I like to think of whatever they will receive, making dds’ lives easier.

Fuck me I'm 56 and adult dcs and adult dsd would never ask that. I hope you get bot all!

It seems that people are conflating issues - (a) being (or not being) owed anything as an inheritance and (b) being able to ask/know about what's in a will/that there is a will.

Yes, agreed that no one is owed an inheritance (though, frankly, I also can understand how it could hurt) but I really don't see the issue in knowing about plans. My mother is already deceased (my brother and I were teens - everything went to my dad) but my dad shared his will (and last wishes) with my brother and I. And we all sat together (along with my dad's wife) so that we all understood it. Honestly, we didn't really discuss the monetary split, we mainly discussed his last wishes (including the fact that his wishes for his ashes would mean we were breaking laws on two countries 🙄).

My brother and father also know about my will and the only push back I got from my brother was that I should be spending my money on myself and not worrying about leaving it for others (I don't have kids and, as my will stands, the money will be split between his two kids).

Im shocked most people don’t have this conversation. We were sat down by my parents about 5/6 years ago and told the plan.

My mum was 48 at the time and my dad 52. Neither unwell or anything like that. But we know the plan, we’re open in our family. We didn’t ask.

So you ARE interested in the cash!

What would you like them to leave you?
A few bits of furniture?

The house will probably go to each other ''Mirror wills''...but if it's mainly his money that has gone into the house, chances are he'll be looking to leave stuff to his own bio kids.

Any of them could die ''first'' and the other could remarry- and then you'd see nothing at all, as it would all go to their new husband or wife.

I have seen this happen- all the house gets left to the new wife {usually} and the kids from the first marriage get left out.

I don't think parents can disinherit children. I'm sure that's the case in Scotland.

I haven’t read the full thread but if your mum dies first and with no will then your father would inherit the first £322k of the estate and half the remaining. If the house is worth less than that then it would all go to him. If he subsequently died without a will then it would go to his children.

so yes if your mum dies first then you could potentially get nothing.

I’d encourage them both to make wills just so everything is clear and most importantly to name a guardian for their children.

it sounds like your Dad absolutely treats you as his biological daughter, I’d sit down with him and tell him what will happen if he dies and that you will not be treated as his daughter. Maybe that will be enough to get them to make wills.

i’m a similar age to your parents, have a will and my kids know what’s in it. If they asked about it then I’d happily tell them. I also know what’s in my Mum’s will and my Dad’s and they’d also be happy to answer questions.

As I understand a parent can leave their belongings to who they want in a will. If there’s no will then it goes to next of kin.

My Mum died very unexpectedly aged 56, she was told she was dying so started to write a new will but died a couple of days later so couldn't finalise it.

Meaning she died intestate, everything went to her then husband.

The evil piece of locked us out mums house, took all her possessions/money, met someone new a couple of months later who was a gold digger and took everything of him - everything my mum worked for (he had nothing when he met her unlike my mum)

I was incredibly close to my mum, looked after her in her final days, we talked to each other every day since I left home (and now nearly 40)

None of that matters, because there was no will, her pensions however she equal shared because we were named so it HAD to happen.

My point is, if you're not in that will you're not getting anything..... simple as.

I encourage EVERYONE to have difficult conversations with there parents, my Mum would go crazy if she knew all we were put through

For those saying I'd go mad if my child asked me/calling OP cheeky.... no she is not, she is being practical, imagine unknowingly putting your children through this pain on top of losing their parent/sorting funerals etc...

EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE THIS DISCUSSION

Can you explain what’s so offensive about asking, or knowing?

Now you’ve left some parents on here very disappointed. Some are chomping at the bit to disinherit them.

You have completely missed the context here. Usually when you know the general outcome of anything you tend not to ask. Op is a half sibling and not a biological child of her step dad so understandably asked a question. Some may not ask that's fine too.

This is what sensible people do. There are some very odd pov’s on here that, as a parent, I find really bizarre.

@willWillSmithsmith got 3 kids, made a will eons ago and neither myself or husband are incapacitated in any way. The will takes account of all eventualities. After posting it I knew someone would take issue. I was really making a general point that it's not the concern of anyone but myself and my husband what will happen with our property when one/ both of us dies. It wasn't meant to be taken on a strictly literal level.

However I know this doesn't address the OP's particular issue with non-biological siblings. Hard for me to put myself in that position. At the end of the day what's been said has been said. Have to move on somehow now. Best wishes.

The people on here who say they would disinherit a child who had the audacity just to bring the subject up - I don’t believe you. I think you are telling untruths behind a keyboard.

But your point doesn't match the situation op is in so I don't understand what you're trying to say. Of course no one will say anything to you. My understanding is your will relates to you , your partner and shared children rather then a half sibling. Who exactly would need to ask you or check that there's an issue with your will?

re the age of the step father, my (ex) stepfather was only 8 years older than me!

But someone being a stepchild or half-sibling is a matter of fact. I have step-siblings. They are not my brothers and sisters, and they are not my birth parent's children. Simple facts.

Raging ADHD? 🤦

Greedy and grubby. You'll find out what you get, once they die, thats it.

If you "casually asked" why are you upset?

55 is VERY young: it is disgusting to be asking about inheritance! YBVU