To consider pulling out of being MOH less than a fortnight before wedding?

[Rolomania]

Been best friends with the soon to be bride for well over 10 years. She’s always had a gob on her, putting her foot in it and is very opinionated. She has a lot of great qualities about her, which is why she is my best friend despite having to tell her to keep her opinions to herself sometimes.

I am her maid of honour in 12 days time… she has 2 other bridesmaids.

She has in my opinion taken it too far this time, and spread her judgemental opinions onto our other friend who is currently grieving a very close relative. To her face, other friend absolutely devastated with the lack of compassion and walked out.

I told best friend her comments were nasty and she seems not to care, said she can’t be bothered with someone dimming her shine with grief whilst she’s trying to focus on the wedding.

I just feel like pulling out of being maid of honour and telling her I’ve put up with some opinions from her for the last 10 years, but she’s taken it too far.

But because wedding is in 12 days, everything paid for, my dress, make up hair etc I just feel awful.

What would you do. I feel stuck

I agree with this.

Apart from which, any apology made wouldn’t be sincere anyway. And if friend has blocked her everywhere she would just be able to say she wasn't able to reach her etc.

I think you first have to decide whether you want the friendship to continue and decide from there on next steps.

As is mentioned above, if you want the friendship to continue then be the MOH. If you don’t, then tell her you’re stepping down and away from your friendship and why.

Honestly, from what you’ve said, this woman sounds like a complete fucking arsehole and it wouldn’t be someone I’d want to stay friends with. As she has form for this crap, I’d have likely fallen out with her long ago.

An ex-best friend of mine of 10 years had a gob on her and could be rude and hurtful (not to this extent, but still). That’s why she’s now an ex-best friend and has been for the last 10 years.

Bridezilla’s name isn’t Hannah by any chance?

Skim read 3 pages.
I'm opinionated. I could argue in an empty room sometimes 😬 I also support my mates the best I can and always have. I'm also getting married this year. My daughters are my BMs but if this death happened to one of my BM my first thought would be for her and if she felt OK to go ahead and then support her in whatever choice she wanted to make. Fk the cost. Id be at the funeral and be offering lifts and help, etc. Those comments were heartless and awful.

If I was in your position I'd have had to say more at the time when it happened and I would have probably walked out of the meal with my upset friend.

She sounds like an absolute delight!

level 1 - make up with friend and, go don't say anything, and be a pushover
level 2 - speak to friend, try to get her to apologise and clear the air and go
level 3 - tell your friend you won't be going and explain why
level 4 - don't say and anything and don't go
level 5 - get your makeup and hair done and pick up your dress and leave before the actual wedding

Your friend who is due to be married won’t likely be married for very long if she treats her husband the same as her friends.

What do Zilla's other friends think of her? Some PPs have said that if you back off she'll play the victim and tell everyone what a bitch you are. Could you get your side of the story in first, and would they support you?

My instinct is that you shouldn't pull out so close to the wedding but I don't know how you could celebrate knowing that she is so nasty. How will you be able to tell her she looks beautiful when you're thinking about the ugliness in her character. It would have taken minutes for her to show some compassion. As others have suggested, tell her to apologise or you are withdrawing. I don't think your friendship will survive either way.

I would follow thru with the wedding commitment as it is so close. After, I would seriously rethink my friendship with this person. Pretty sure she'll be talking to you as the wedding nears.

I'd tell her fiance what she said and why her now former friends are pulling out. He should know who he's marrying.

Iyd pull out. She's a nasty bitch.

Update: I have pulled out of maid of honour and the wedding. I met with friend at her house earlier to chat about things and she didn’t seem that bothered about what had happened. She outright told me that she thinks friend is trying to out do her wedding because other friends are more interested in consoling her loss than interested in chatting about the wedding. Then said to me she was upset I brought a sympathy card to the meal for our friend and blamed me for causing the conversation to arise about step dad. I was so shocked I pulled out the wedding. Feel a bit shaky becuase I’m normally not confrontational especially to someone’s face.

If you don't plan on continuing the friendship, pull put of the wedding. No point in acting out a lie on the one day that should be about the truth, and no just for show. She isn't a nice person and her wedding should be representative of her character - why would you suck it up and make her look like she has good friends? You're not on speaking terms anyway, would be sooo awkward on the day, life is too short to suffer.

A wedding is just about the bride and groom, you not attending shouldn't make a jot of difference even in terms of etiquetter. You're only needed as MoH so she can feel like queen for a day. Don't reward terrible behaviour.

Wow.
She's a raging twat isn't she?

Good for you. She sounds like an absolute turd, you'll be far better off without her friendship. Well done!

Edited - cross posted with OP.

@Rolomania I hope you are OK. It sounds like you did the right thing.

Well done! You did the right thing. She is an awful human being. Btw she might try and apologise now and convince you all to attend, so she doesn't look like a tit on the day. Don't fall for it - you've seen her true colours.

Shameful behaviour. Just shameful.

You have done the right thing.

Fucking hell!
I would pull out, don’t suck it up! It’s not your problem as she has brought this on herself!

i’m not confrontational but think she sounds utterly selfish and doesn’t deserve to have you as a maid of honour. It’s false!

Well done OP.

She's taken bridezilla to a new, heartless level and I wouldn't want to play any part in it. How did she react?

Sorry sorry, just realised I didn’t read the update before posting!! I was angered and responded quickly!

It doesn’t sound like she would!!!

Well, I wouldn't take part, I'd end the friendship. Recently I helped a friend through a really difficult time. I can't tell you how much I put myself out and spent time and money on supporting her. Other friends said she was a nasty individual, but I stuck up for her, saying she was having an awful time, and was just a bit volatile. I let her get away with some dodgy behaviour because I made excuses for her.
Then the day when I found out what she'd been saying about me and a couple of other friends who had helped her. I was running late for a lunch meet up with her and a couple of others and as I entered the cafe I heard her round a corner holding forth. In the few short minutes I listened to her I knew that I was finally getting to know who she really was, and that was someone I didn't want to be around any more.

She sounds vile. But you agreed to be her MOH knowing she was vile, so I think you'll have to go through with it. You should've ditched her years ago.

That's terrible. Did you confront her @Horsemother ?