To consider pulling out of being MOH less than a fortnight before wedding?

[Rolomania]

Been best friends with the soon to be bride for well over 10 years. She’s always had a gob on her, putting her foot in it and is very opinionated. She has a lot of great qualities about her, which is why she is my best friend despite having to tell her to keep her opinions to herself sometimes.

I am her maid of honour in 12 days time… she has 2 other bridesmaids.

She has in my opinion taken it too far this time, and spread her judgemental opinions onto our other friend who is currently grieving a very close relative. To her face, other friend absolutely devastated with the lack of compassion and walked out.

I told best friend her comments were nasty and she seems not to care, said she can’t be bothered with someone dimming her shine with grief whilst she’s trying to focus on the wedding.

I just feel like pulling out of being maid of honour and telling her I’ve put up with some opinions from her for the last 10 years, but she’s taken it too far.

But because wedding is in 12 days, everything paid for, my dress, make up hair etc I just feel awful.

What would you do. I feel stuck

Good for you OP she sounds like a spoilt brat!!

What do you see in this person? Why are you friends? How long have you been friends? I mean from that one comment, my advice would be contact her and say, you've realised she's a cruel, selfish and vile individual and you won't be at the wedding or in contact ever again. But clearly I don't know her or you. Like what do you see in her? What positive things does she bring to the friendship? I mean what else would you lose if you lost her? It also seems rash to break, what presumably is quite a close friendship on one comment.

I think uou should read all of the OP's updates and you will see that the bridezilla has made several nasty comments. Just select "See All" on the OP's first post.

I often wonder why the groom stays with some of these women when they show their colours in the run up to the wedding!

I’ve rarely known a very unpleasant person whose partner isn’t just as unpleasant.

Not just a bit painful - when one is this objectionable you can bet the parter is too.

In what way? What has the OP done that is., in your opinion, not grown up?

Well done OP she is a very spiteful person, lacking in Empathy. She has shown her true colours, nice when it suits her, but truly nasty when the attention is on her.
You have done the right thing, now block her.

Sorry, attention not on her.

Wow you sound cold as ice! Have you never heard of COMPASSION ffs?!?!

Huh!? What the hell has OP done?!?

What? Have you actually bothered to read the thread??

I sincerely hope your friend who has just lost her parent is ok. The last thing she needed was this as well as the loss, grieving and funeral.

@ZoeCM It's batshit isn't it? People are so weird. I can't imagine anything but being delighted if somebody close to me got engaged/pregnant or whatever at the same time. I mean who seriously thinks they should have a year of nobody doing anything so that they are the star? Nutters 🙄

When people like that are young, the 95% predominates. As they age however the 5% becomes a more core part of their personality and they become fundamentally unlikeable.

I am sorry your friendship had ended - there would have been some good times and happy memories. But you have done the right thing sticking up for your grieving mutual friend.

@BirthdayRainbow I'm absolutely fine, thanks for the concern! I just couldn't respect someone who thought an affair with the spouse of their friend was an acceptable way to carry on (not to mention acting like the cat that got the cream when it all came out and the married couple split, devastating their child) and I don't want to be friends with people I don't respect 🤷🏻‍♀️

Back to the thread; well done OP! Maybe this will give her some pause for thought and she'll reflect on herself and her actions, but sadly I suspect probably not.

I am clearly in the minority here but I think it was too late to pull out of MOH. You have also stooped low here to ruin her wedding day for her.

Out of curiosity, has the bride lost a parent or sibling?

Nope. Bridezilla has got what she deserves. Horrible cow.

Good call Op. Direct people only understand direct actions.

She overstepped. Births and Deaths should always to be respected because that's our common denominator. Weddings are a sideshow.

I would try to give her a way back though. Try and get her to see this drama is about permanently losing her friends, not about building tension towards her one big day. Although my guess is she won't give a toss and just make new "best"friends

I believe your inclinations are right, @Rolomania. In the end it's your boundaries and your conscience which matter here. Mumsnet isn't the most rational of sites when it comes to weddings. You'll likely receive advice to pull out all the stops to attend no matter what the circumstances.

My DH's sister behaved in a not-dissimilar way when I was grieving the death of a parent. As a result, I removed myself without explanation from her orbit. A confrontation would have served no purpose, because I'd now seen the 'real' her, and had no intention from that point onward of having any form of relationship with her. She did later get married and by all accounts her behaviour ran true to type, but not to me. As far as I'm concerned, anyone stepping that far out of line doesn't get two opportunities.

Bereavement and weddings really do tend to show people up in their true colours. I choose to see that as a gift. No one needs this kind of self-absorption and negativity in their lives.

Stooped low??

So the bride didn’t stoop low when she got mad at the friend for her step dad dying?

Wow.

Well done OP for doing the right thing. I know the type- people who think they are "strong," but are really just insufferable. She is clearly a dangerous person as she lacks any empathy or compassion for other people.

Please be sure not to have this person as a friend because she will cause more serious issues in future.

@muggart Out of curiosity, has the bride lost a parent or sibling?

That's not an "out of curiosity" question. You're going to try to argue that the bride understands loss if she has lost a parent or sibling too, but really it's completely irrelevant- regardless of who the bride has or hasn't lost, she should not have been insensitive.

OP, please be sure not to answer the above question, as the only intention of this question is to derail the thread.

I’d be prepared for a few days before the wedding, her calling and pretending this conversation never happened or say she thought you ‘were joking’ about stepping down.

its not over yet!!!!

I think you've done the right thing OP. What a bitch she is!

@Rolomania Even if she had "apologized" to your friend, it would NOT have been sincere. It would've been fake and false, nothing more than her manipulating others to get what she wants. Some things are just a bridge too far to get over and forgive. This is one of those things. It's a shame you had to pull out of the wedding, but it is not on you. The fact that the bride-to-be didn't seem fazed speaks volumes.

Bride-to-be isn't going to change in 2 weeks. She thinks she is, or should be, the center of everyone's universe. When she has a loss, she will expect the world to grieve with her. When she has a baby, she will be the only one who ever gave birth. IF she sees what her behavior has wrought enough times, maybe she will learn tact, empathy and kindness. But it will take a long time and many friends later before she has an epiphany.

@Rolomania You are a decent, kind, loving person. The bride-to-be is not. It has nothing to do with her wedding, she is just "THAT" type of person. As hard as it was, bravo for stepping out of it all. My deepest sympathies for your friend's loss.