To consider pulling out of being MOH less than a fortnight before wedding?

[Rolomania]

Been best friends with the soon to be bride for well over 10 years. She’s always had a gob on her, putting her foot in it and is very opinionated. She has a lot of great qualities about her, which is why she is my best friend despite having to tell her to keep her opinions to herself sometimes.

I am her maid of honour in 12 days time… she has 2 other bridesmaids.

She has in my opinion taken it too far this time, and spread her judgemental opinions onto our other friend who is currently grieving a very close relative. To her face, other friend absolutely devastated with the lack of compassion and walked out.

I told best friend her comments were nasty and she seems not to care, said she can’t be bothered with someone dimming her shine with grief whilst she’s trying to focus on the wedding.

I just feel like pulling out of being maid of honour and telling her I’ve put up with some opinions from her for the last 10 years, but she’s taken it too far.

But because wedding is in 12 days, everything paid for, my dress, make up hair etc I just feel awful.

What would you do. I feel stuck

Years ago, I would have been convinced the OP was a troll. But now, having read threads on MN (and various other websites) from bridezillas who complain that one of their friends is getting married in the same year as them, or that one of their friends will be pregnant at their wedding and "all the attention will be on her", or that their sibling is getting married at the same venue that they did years ago, or that someone got engaged a week AFTER their wedding, or that someone isn't paying a fortune to come to their wedding in Hawaii... I've realised a lot of people have severe main character syndrome and believe their wedding is the event of the century.

Well done OP, what an absolute bitch she is. I feel sorry for her fella. I hope this makes him question his choices. You absolutely did the right thing.

@ZoeCM i like “ severe main character syndrome “
You’ve done the right thing OP.

They're everywhere. Reddit is full of utterly shocking Bridezilla stories. There was a thread here recently posted by a woman who was angry that her cousin had got engaged in the same year as her with a similar shaped ring. She should not have done this as the poster wanted a year for it to be all about her. She was convinced the cousin getting engaged was an attempt to sabotage her. Utterly batshit and her arse was handed to her. Thread was deleted. I don't get this behaviour, it's bizarre!

??? I didn't realise that you could ONLY meet up with your bridesmaids in the weeks before your wedding to the exclusion of all other friends and acquaintances.

All 3 are clearly friends, and close enough to meet up for food, but OP is closer with the 2 friends than they are with each other. There is literally nothing strange about that, let alone 'incredibly.' OP had no reason to assume bridezilla would say anything so insane, as she's said, bridezillas previous comments haven't been anything like this.

It's perfectly possible to be a very good friend of someone but not be their bridesmaid, whether because they live far away, because they know the friend wouldn't like it, or are heavily pregnant//ill etc. Some people don't have bridesmaids at all, or only have their siblings etc.
By your reasoning does that mean brides have to hide away from any friends or colleagues in the months before they get married and can't even meet up for a coffee or drink with anyone who isn't IN THE WEDDING PARTY!

Oh dear, how terribly selfish of your friend's father! What on earth was he thinking?

I would find it terribly difficult to spend the day being her MoH, smiling and nodding when I knew she was such a selfish cow and had been so cruel. However, you are going to have to act soon and decide whether to go through with it or not. Even she deserves time to find another MoH if you pull out (granted, it would be tempting to leave her in the lurch. She sounds awful).

Serves the bitch right! Well done for 'telling her like it is' OP! You definitely did the right thing.

Yup, and then they have their PFB and it all steps up a notch. My favourite was a woman who was fuming that her sister-in-law got pregnant around the same time as her, because "this is my first child and her second, she's already had her time in the limelight". Because, of course, no one ever has more than one child (which makes you wonder how she had a sister-in-law in the first place).

She's a psychopath. Block her and delete her from everything. Crazy bitch.

I really hope when it comes her time to grieve that she appreciates the friends that will support her. It's the most horrendous time in anyone's life and doesn't magically just stop after a week or two.

What a cow.

Well done @Rolomania. In the words of Dumbledore "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends".

Okay please don’t stick the boot into me for saying this, but she’s on a high because she’s getting married. She doesn’t want anything to ruin that feeling. both friends need to do what they need to do right now - one to celebrate and the other to grieve but not at the same time or in the same place.

I think you’ve absolutely done the right thing OP.

She is doubling down and won’t admit or accept that she’s been a massive c*nt. To be honest, I don’t think she even see’s herself as being in the wrong, she’s that self absorbed.

It sounds very much like this was the straw that broke the camels back. She’s gone so far over the line this time, the line is a dot to her.

She has absolutely nobody but herself to blame if she ends up with no bridesmaids. She’s been a complete and utter bastard. I hope her DH to be knows what he’s in for.

My feeling is that this will probably be the end of the friendship. I don’t think it’s much of a loss personally but you should definitely prepare for that.

Seriously? It's just a wedding. You can't expect to live in a bubble and be callous to a grieving friend because you're getting married!

Dimming her shine with grief!

I'd run never mind walk away from that sort of friendship.

I personally couldn't even look at her again never mind be her MOH.

I think it's great you've made a stand OP.

People being civil and kind is incredibly important, especially as you get older, and part of the issue with people like the bride is no-one calls them out on their behaviour...

In many groups, the grieving friend would be isolated and pushed out because the dominating bullying person has decided to turn on them and no-one else wants to be in the line of fire so they keep quiet.

Of course theres petty squabbles, but this sounds like a bullying spirit that will probably flare up again.

(She turns on grieving friend, next time it will be someone else, next time you).

oh well, it's done now.

Yikes. Surely the bride to be needs to stop and think that maybe it's her with everyone pulling after her vile behaviour... is her fiance of the same ilk?

The comment she made to your friend is disgusting, and I’d have no qualms letting the brideszilla down. Ah I see you did it well done!

Yes, I thought the same. These people should not have been having a small intimate dinner so close to the wedding/ so close to the bereavement.

Also, organising a wedding is incredibly stressful and expensive, for most people a once in a life time event. I think the stress and pressure in the time running up to the wedding can really get to some people. The people calling the bride a sociopath are being extreme.

You both need your grow up.

*to

Seeing as everyone is being so sensible I think this is the answer.

I'd turn up, ruin the photos and then ghost her...

p.s I obviously didn't rtft- well done for standing up for your friend.

She's got a fortnight to find someone else. You could offer to sell them your frock!