To consider pulling out of being MOH less than a fortnight before wedding?

[Rolomania]

Been best friends with the soon to be bride for well over 10 years. She’s always had a gob on her, putting her foot in it and is very opinionated. She has a lot of great qualities about her, which is why she is my best friend despite having to tell her to keep her opinions to herself sometimes.

I am her maid of honour in 12 days time… she has 2 other bridesmaids.

She has in my opinion taken it too far this time, and spread her judgemental opinions onto our other friend who is currently grieving a very close relative. To her face, other friend absolutely devastated with the lack of compassion and walked out.

I told best friend her comments were nasty and she seems not to care, said she can’t be bothered with someone dimming her shine with grief whilst she’s trying to focus on the wedding.

I just feel like pulling out of being maid of honour and telling her I’ve put up with some opinions from her for the last 10 years, but she’s taken it too far.

But because wedding is in 12 days, everything paid for, my dress, make up hair etc I just feel awful.

What would you do. I feel stuck

she sounds like a piece of shit. I would parrot this epiphany whenever she tries to attack you. “I’ve just realised what shit person she is. I’m done!”

How have you lasted this long with her!

She sounds awful.

Good for you for pulling out! What was her reaction?

Stupid woman, if she carries on like this her side of the church will be empty, she'll have no friends left and it will be all her own fault.

Well done OP for not tolerating her BS any more

So you have been 'putting up with it' for 10 years but now suddenly need to make a stand on the eve of her wedding?!

Yabu - this is too late to pull out, particularly as you would be doing so over the way she treated someone else - why are you making it your business. Suck it up and distance yourself from her after the wedding.

Have you heard of Karpman drama triangle - if not, Google it. It sounds like you are trying to be the rescuer, with grieving friend as victim and bride as persecutor.

Wow she sounds like a peach!

Well done for standing up for yourself and your friend!
Why don't you both make a plan to do something nice together on the wedding day? It sounds like your friend could do with some fun with what she's going through.

I would also ignore any texts or behaviour from ex friend she's likely to go into launch attack, then guilt trip, then she will probably demand money. Ignore it all.

I’m glad you’ve pulled out of not just the MOH role but the whole thing. What a toxic bitch she is.

Hope you and the other friend have a lovely day. Go for a nice brunch together and raise a glass to her stepdad’s memory.

Why would you want to go and stand and smile for photos with this massive bitch? I couldn’t do it. I appreciate that OP could have probably picked a better time to stand up to her. But seriously, fuck her and her wedding.

The eve of her wedding? Since when? It's still almost two weeks away. Plenty of time for her to reel in another sucker.

OP, your friend is a classic sociopath. No idea how you've endured this for a decade. Be prepared for her to get back in contact post-wedding, blaming 'bridezilla syndrome' for her behaviour.

Was your friend one of the other two bridesmaids?

Wow she sounds vile!

95% of the time she’s a great friend, but 5% of the time she can say some stupid judgmental comments to me or others. Things you think for god sake why would you say that, but aren’t unforgivable.

I have explained in an update that this is the lowest she’s gone, if she was doing this often then I’d be long gone.

I am sticking up for what is right, and would want other people to tell me if I was being insensitive and likewise this other friend is my best friend, was my maid of honour to my wedding so we are really close too.

Bride seems to lack empathy on those grieving, then somehow said it was my fault.

Honestly the way she has been is so unforgivable, I can’t stand up there by her side at the wedding and act like I want to be there.

Other friend was my maid of honour, but has no part in bridal party for this brides wedding x

@Rolomania OMG I was just reading your posts thinking I’d maybe say pull out as you would be in her photos and stuff and meanwhile - you’ve clearly tried to sort things out and it’s all kicked off. I don’t think I can say much of use here but, I think she went too far and you’re better off out - seems she’s brought it on herself. Fancy blaming you bringing the card, not to mention suggesting friend’s SD might have waited to pass (even if it was a terrible joke). Hope you’re ok!

Well done OP

Horrible conversation to have to have but she completely vindicated your decision with her attitude and d reaction!

You definitely don't need anyone like that in your life - cruel, callous, cold, heartless, selfish, thoughtless

Have you heard from any mutual friends yet? She will no doubt blame it all on you so make sure your are completely honest about the reason

It seems like an incredibly strange situation from the outside.

If grieving friend is not friendly enough with bride to be in the wedding party, what was the occasion for the dinner so close to the wedding?

It just seems strange that if the bride is not that close to grieving friend, but OP and grieving friend are BFs..why was bride even there? If you are meeting up with your grieving BF for the first time since her bereavement, why do this with a (known to be socially awkward) third party present? That was poor judgement on everyone's part.

The bride behaved badly and should be apologising. But OP perhaps should not have accepted the MOH role for this woman she is not really very close to.

Pull out, you'll always feel gutted and like you had no integrity or back bone if you don't. She sounds vile.

So grieving friend wasn't going to be a bridesmaid, so why on earth did Bridezilla attack her just for grieving?!!!!
She sounds vile

Well done OP

OMG I (not a bridesmaid) remember a bride to be complaining about her future FIL having cancer and potentially ruining her wedding by dying before or being too unwell and spoiling the vibe. I was shocked and distanced myself from her after the wedding. Said FIL gifted them a house in London worth 900K back then!
So glad im not friends with her anymore

I would do this and end the friendship.

Could you go, make a speech, and in it tell everyone word for word what this absolute monster said??

I mean, I’m joking obviously, I would just pull out of the wedding, but oh to see her face…

Well done for supporting your friend and doing what feels right and not just simply going ahead with the wedding.

Not read everything, but tbh I'd probably just go through the motions with MOH then put a distance between us afterwards. It doesn't sound as if her behaviour was particularly out of character, so presumably you've seen this sort of thing from her before and tolerated it in the name of friendship.

What was her reaction when you said you were pulling out?

Don't be surprised if she plays the victim now, and spins a yarn to everyone about the whole sorry saga.

She doesn’t seem that upset and just said the convo is over and I agreed. But I think she is probably very upset deep down. We haven’t spoken since I left.

Future husband may be the same ilk, or even worse. Otherwise, why would he want to marry someone so nasty? 🤷‍♀️