DD wants to uninvite a girl from her party

[howtohabdle]

DD aged 8 is in a lovely little friendship group of 4 girls. One girl in the group has never invited DD to her party despite them being best friends. I just assumed she doesn’t have one. We invite her every year just for context. One of the girls from the class had a party today and DD came back excited saying “it’s X’s birthday next weekend am I going?” I told her we haven’t had an invite. She got upset and said all the girls from class are going. I re-assured her that sometimes there’s no space for all children. DD now wants to uninvite her which I discouraged but quite honestly I understand how she feels! I have invited her every year and to find out now she doesn’t invite my child. How nasty of the mum. Why accept our invite every year and not reciprocate.

how would you handle it? I’m thinking from next year not to invite her again. Funny thing is she is so warm when I see her at school events. I just assumed as she works full time in a highly stressful job and I never see her at drop offs and pick ups that she just doesn’t do parties.

Oh that is such a tough one. I think I would message the mum and ask directly what the deal is- it would take a lot of guts but unless there is a massive backstory or something else going on I can’t understand why your DD isn’t invited 😔

I would say it’s up to your dd but it might cause more problems now if she’s already invited. I would probably keep the invite but say to your dd to think about next years party.

Wait til next year to not invite.

Uninviting is petty and a shitty way to 'pay back' a mum, when the only person you'll hurt is an 8 year old girl.

Agree that you should not uninvite! But you can knock her off the list after that.

If this 'friend' has invited all the girls in the class except your DD then I think you should follow DD's wishes in uninviting this 'friend.' Why should she be nice to a girl who doesn't care about your DD's feelings?

To be honest I’m a coward and there’s no way I would speak to the mum about this or un-invite. I just wanted to vent really and get some advice. Maybe I can ask her in a few weeks when it’s DD’s party very innoncentky ask her what she did for her birthday and whether she had a nice day?!

It's odd but you can't uninvite.

We had similar in primary school. My dd was in a small but close group and one of her friends always left her out of parties... although that was because the mum didn't like me 😐which doesn't sound like the case here.

No do not uninvite, it would make you look petty. Just don't invite her next year if it bothers your child that much.

I'd do this. I'd ask how such and suchs birthday was. And then she tells you, you could innocently be like "oh my daughter would have loved that" and walk off...

I'd say she's relieved you haven't picked this up until now, as she probably knows it's a dick move of hers.

I'd have to do some digging.

If dd is the only girl in the class excluded then I would contact the parent and say that the situation has changed and kid is no longer invited.

If the kids party is 3-4 other girls then I'd leave it but definately not include next year. I'd be tempted to 'tone down' the original party if it was an expensive event and do a 2 part effort perhaps but that does seem a little petty.

I.wouldnt uninvite but I would have to say something. I'm sure there would be a way to frame it that didn't come across as aggressive, but I would stand up for my DD.

A mum once thought I’d excluded her DD from a party, that she was the only girl not invited from the class. She text me saying how upset her DD was and asked why. I confirmed that it wasn’t correct, and only a handful of girls had been invited and I didn’t think ours were close friends. I didn’t invite the girl as she was a bully, but I wouldn’t ever have excluded just one, and I think it’s fair to ask if you’re concerned.

I’m quite angry right now as a mum has confirmed all the girls coming. I’ve typed a message up! I know totally unlike how I was feeling few mins ago. Not sent yet. What would you write?

Because she's having a party this year doesn't mean she has had one every year and left your DD out

I'd message mum and say "oh DD mentioned X's party today and said everyone's invited. I must have missed the invite. What are the details?"

If paper invites were given out there's a chance it got lost tbh

Something like 'Hi Suzy. Bit of an awkward text I'm afraid, but I'd heard that Emily has invited all the girls in the class to her party next week. As Amy hasn't been included I wanted to check they hadn't had a falling out or something? Just to make sure there are no squabbles at Amy's birthday party. Hope you understand - girls eh?! Hope you and Dave are well.'

Good opportunity for your daughter to learn about being the better person. She doesn’t have to invite the girl again next year, but for now, she can be generous.

Yeah I'd do this and reserve my anger after I'd sussed out what has happened.

That doesn't sound right.

I would kill it with kindness.

You say it's a lovely friendship group and it's been mentioned by dd as if going so start there.

Hi x, dd is so excited about y party. Such a lovely group. I haven't seen an invite though?

If she's invited all the girls and not yours, I would not be taking mine in support. Having just faced this.

Party one invited half a friendship group. Caused huge issues. A group of four.

Party two appeared to leave one out, it was a messenger invite and all sorted. Mum wasn't on there anymore

Yes this, sensible and level-headed. No need for anything passive aggressive as others have suggested.

I would definitely contact the mum, but yes, you can focus on "just checking there hasn't been a falling out".

We had a similar thing with DS when he was in Y1. We assumed he'd been excluded, for some reason, but on the Monday morning the mum said, oh, E was so sad C couldn't come to the party.....and it turned out the invitation had gone astray.

Are there two girls with your DDs name or some reason it could easily be a mix up?

I would text the mum/dad

Hi, bit awkward but DD said X is having a party and she hasn’t been invited. As they are good friends I wanted to check if this was a mix up, or if this is intentional, is there a friendship problem I should know about? Many thanks

How were the invites sent out? It is probably a mistake if they are friends.

I like this, too. Not assuming anything.

'' Hi Betty, This is awkward but DD has come home upset as she thinks she's the only girl in the class not to be invited to X's Birthday. Ofcourse I've explained that sometimes it's not possible for everyone to be invited but hope you can understand DD feeling ostracised by this. Has something happened between the girls I'm not aware of?''

I'd probably take the cowards way out and upgrade Dd's birthday party to now include a sleepover afterwards for just 3 of the four friends in the hope this might flush the mum out to discuss why your DD is excluded.

Perfectly reasonable for the party only invitation if the two girls aren't close as the lack of reciprication would suggest .