to think that this current batch of 18 year olds are REALLY messed up?

[WishIMite]

I try not to generalise about groups of people, but I can't help but think, looking at my children who span various ages, that the current batch of 18 year-olds are more of a mess than the other age groups.

So much drug-taking, unable to make eye contact, rudeness (which I think is social ineptness) and lack of socialising together. Just a total lack of social skills and resilience really. They don't even seem to have proper friendship groups and alliances.

Can't help but wonder if lockdown hit them at a really crucial age.

Do other parents of 18 yo wonder the same, or is it just that my 18 yo and friends are particularly shit?

Our 18 year old is far from how we were at that age. Spends way too much time home, speaks to friends via phone mostly. I gave her money to order a burger king for herself as younger kids wanted something different and she stood in a corner sulking because she couldn't speak to an actual person to order, I said you go to McDonalds and she said yeah but use the order point not talk to staff. Ridiculous!!

Love this.

I disagree, plus when are we going to stop blaming Covid and Lockdown for everything, enough already.

My DD (19 last month), joined the Navy a month after her 18th birthday. I’ve met several of her cohort of the same age, they are confident, funny, mature and not into drugs.

Re. the degree: there were in-person lectures after the second year, but by then the students had made their friendship groups with their locked-down dorms/flats. So they haven't mixed at all with their subject group. (And most students don't seem to attend the in-person lectures.)

Gently, at least some of that is on your DC. And perhaps the nature of the course.

I certainly did have to adjust my teaching style as I realised some students I was asking to work together as peers, didn't really know each other.

But the students should have gone to their in-person lectures and put themselves under a bit of pressure to engage with their peers. And as a parent, I'd suggest it was important to do this.

In our institution and most I know, you need to attend in-person - while lecture notes are available online, there are no longer any livestreams or recordings. Students still wish there were and there are some valid reasons for this, but we did feel, overall, that putting students in a position where they are expected to attend in person was important. Their course is not an online / virtual offering and they knew that when they signed up. Covid restrictions were an aberration, not the norm.

So 'most' students do attend their lectures - but maybe not all. Some will attend on campus a certain number of days and then not on others, and just catch up via .ppt / readings.

@RamblingEclectic good point re. outside school activities not continuing after lockdowns. Now i think about it, that happened with some of my DC classes too. One club in particular took about three years to start again, and without that continuity they "outgrew" people who potentially have been a source of development and friendship.

What a sad/depressing observation about job fairs too - although I can totally imagine.

I have an 18 year old niece she is doing well. Saved for a second hand run around car, works the weekends. Goes to college. Has a couple of friends and a boyfriend. Doesn't like to party. She has matured a lot in the last year. She had some problems when she was yr 10 and 11. But has really worked hard and turned herself around.

That sounds awful.

I do recognise about campus being dead - we have found a massive change in social activity in the evenings. They are just not interested. That's largely due to the fact that we are quite a commuter university plus they all work. It's not that they don't socialise - but that they don't see the university as the focus point for that. I find that sad, as pre-Covid, there was such a strong sense of university being a formative part of both education and socialising.

DD is 17 and some of her friends are 18 and I do not recognise any of the traits listed in your description. They work, have extensive hobbies and are looking forward to their futures. Lockdowns were not her favourite times (she’s still bitching about the school ski trip being cancelled and not rescheduled) but she adapted and just got with it.

At 18 I was out drinking, taking drugs, doing god knows what and struggling to be an adult. Did have a job though.

I actually think this generation of 18 year olds are much better, they don’t seem to drink at all, not a lot of falling out of clubs with my nephews and nieces who are all around this age.
I live near a uni and see loads of them working locally.

I think this sort of generalisation is quite damaging however OP.

I think we should recognise the impact of the long period of no face to face schooling at all in 2020. Which if there had been prompt action in March 2020, could have been only about half as long. Opening pubs and half price McDonalds was seen as more important.

Not the only cause though, especially as 18 year olds are probably the first cohort to have had smartphones as their only ones.

I don't have an 18yo of my own, but as a teacher I really, really like this year's Y13. Obviously there are a lot of 18yo who aren't in school sixth form and I don't know what they are like locally, but the ones at my school are truly lovely.

I worry about the current y12 (17yo) and y11. They don't seem to be handling life as well as their slightly older peers.

18 year olds seem very immature compared to my late teens we were much more adult, not always in a good way! Much more resilient and hard working though.

load of baloney- my DS is 17 and despite going out quite a bit, socialising, I definitely went out more as did everyone I knew that age mid 90s. I also worked but he did up until recently when I asked him to quit to concentrate on his A levels. Resilient? Did we have to live through a pandemic, I can’t recall one? Of course I don’t know how old you are, which country you are from or what situation you were living in as a teenager but from my perspective there isn’t really any difference.

My DD is 18 and nothing like you have described, neither are her friends. Same with my DS, when he was 18, I cannot relate to anything you said.

I remember a fair amount of drinking when I was at 6th form (early 00s) but it seems teens now drink less in general? Not sure if weed has gone up or down.

GS lives with me, he is 19. Currently working to have plenty in the bank for starting uni, working 15 hr days, 60 to 75 hrs a week. He plays football and manages to get out and socalise when not working, not sure as I think I'd be in bed after 5 x 15 hr days but he's young and fit. He doesn't do drugs or smoke but he does like a pint or maybe 2?

I'm reassured that lots of people disagree with me TBH. I was feeling a bit worried that this might be true of ALL 18 yos which did not bode well.

My DC seem fine at work with other age groups/different peer groups, it does just seem to be people their age / college who are almost all like this. As I say, possibly more about rurality/poverty as my other DC went to 'noicer' colleges.

WTF? You need to learn about private schools.

I don’t see this with my niece, she’s incredibly intelligent, grown up and focussed. Loves a cocktail but is sensible. She is a million miles more put together than me or my friends were at 18!!

Really?? I remember it being pretty normal when I was in my late teens, and twenties (currently in my 30s). Not everyone took it, but most people didn't bat an eyelid if others did...

I blame the parents.

Glued to their phones and running the home like a hotel.

Parenting requires effort.

I have an 18yo DD, also a 20yo and a 22yo. I think the 18yo and her friends have been far less affected by Covid than the older two.

She's sitting her A levels now and will be going to university in September. Educationally everything is back to normal (her siblings had cancelled exams and a strange university experience to begin with).

She has a big group of friends that she socialises with. She drinks, but not exessively. Earns money waitressing at weekends. Spends most of her money on clothes and iced lattes. Plays sport, goes to the gym. A really normal 18yo.

I think it's nice that they're getting back to the normality that the older two missed when they were her age because of Covid.

another ageist thread about teens I see 🙄

One thing I have noticed is that lots of teens have lovely manners. I noticed it more when I had my son, older children are so kind and considerate of little ones, it’s lush.

I think referring to people as a 'batch' is BU tbh.
I know lots of lovely, kind, and helpful 15-18 year olds - of course there are also some who behave in a disrespectful manner and who cause problems for others, but people like this have always existed!
I know quite a few rude and disrespectful folk of all ages tbh.