To be irritated that my dh couldn’t just buy the kids a souvenir each

[Shitvenir]

Instead of a random plush to share?

He’s been away with work for a week. One FaceTime in all that time. Most of my text’s unanswered (I only sent 3 a day tops). It wasn’t his idea to bring something back for them, I suggested it might be nice so they knew he was thinking of them. A bag of sweets they wouldn’t get at home or something small, even a bloody pen each surely would be nicer than a stuffed animal that neither of them can have in their bed without the other being upset? I just wanted him to be a bit thoughtful.

😆😆

Its a bit thoughtless. DH always brings something back if he’s been abroad on a work trip, usually some sweets, chocolates or key rings. The DCs always appreciate it even now they are teenagers!

As for the texting, 3 a day, it’s not that much. DH will try to call if he can but I know he’s busy with work so I don’t expect it.

Right, but you could find time while you’re in the toilet to just reply “sorry, work crazy xx”

Between work finishing and dinner starting, you could, if you actually wanted to, say “just going to call my kids to say goodnight, back in 10 mins”. There’s literally no reason you can’t do that, apart from “I’m doing life saving surgery, fighting an actual fire”.

Sorry, but there’s no way as an actual professional who’s expected to travel abroad, that you don’t have the power to say “I’m taking a break”.

Three texts a day is fine. When DH is away, things just pop up which we want to share. And there’s always ‘stuff’ going on.

As for the gift - looks to me like he’s just a crap shopper. I would have baulked at spending £40 on airport stuff they probably wouldn’t even want. Have a chat - tell him a Toblerone each would have been well received and it really is the thought that counts. Lesson learned. He didn’t try to upset them/you - he was just thoughtless.

Chat about the texts. Is there a time when he’s more able to reply? Were there issues? It’s all sortable.

This really made me laugh, sorry. Just picturing the scene.

That's what I love about this kind of problem solving - the totally left field ones!

(I do appreciate she wasn't being serious. Or I assume not) .

It's nothing to do with sharing... even if they are good at that.

If that happened to me, I'd be thinking that the childrens father could only be bothered to get one item, and I would feel it's lazy of him to to that... better no gift than one that can't really be shared at bedtime for instance.
I'd also be wondering if it was all "last minute" at the airport, and only one suitable gift was available.

I can feel your disappointment... coz you wouldn't have done that...

Hmmm, maybe in a quiet moment with him, ask what were his reasons ?

Maybe (if not feeling attacked) he will confess that he was caught on the hop, and now regretting only get one thing?

Like other pp, I can't help but think that this issue you have posted about is just the latest in history of irritations that you don't understand about him...

Try to keep yourself calm when talking to him, both to feel better about your own actions, and to get a more honest response from him.

Not easy being a parent, or a partner either, come to that !! 🫣

This is a good measured response, thank you. Has made me feel less irked!

I definitely wasn’t expecting him to spend £40. Sweets would have been fine!

3 texts a day is needy 😂You have had babies with this man. Why would you give a fuck about coming across as needy anyway? People are so weird

Quite!

There's some odd people on here. 3 texts a day is not a bit much when you're in different cities for a week.

But then I actually like my husband and enjoy chatting to him.

@AzureSheep 100%

DH travels for work a lot. He is extremely busy but rather than talking to colleague on say a walk from the office to dinner he takes the opportunity to call and check in with us. Others with families do it as well. You have 5 minutes for gods sake. Do you go to the loo at all?!

Really thoughtless of him to buy one present between the two of them, I agree.

Yeah that would annoy me as well OP. An equal wee gift each shouldn't have been difficult. I don't think a few texts each day is needy either and he's a dick for ignoring you. Obvs he was working but he could've replied to you before he went to bed or something.

@AzureSheep "Right, but you could find time while you’re in the toilet to just reply “sorry, work crazy xx”

Between work finishing and dinner starting, you could, if you actually wanted to, say “just going to call my kids to say goodnight, back in 10 mins”. There’s literally no reason you can’t do that, apart from “I’m doing life saving surgery, fighting an actual fire”.

Sorry, but there’s no way as an actual professional who’s expected to travel abroad, that you don’t have the power to say “I’m taking a break”."

No, actually it doesn't work like that. For a start the timezones are generally completely out of sync so there's only a couple of hours in the day when we could feasibly communicate. Also my husband and child are more than aware that I have no free time on these trips and compress as much as possible into the shortest possible time to reduce the overall length of the trip so I can get home to them. They wouldn't expect me to have to check and reply to my personal messages while I'm on the toilet because that 5 minutes while I pee and wash my hands may be the only few minutes of 'downtime' I get.

3 texts a day and one FT call over a whole week?
So basically - good morning, good night and one other pretty much!
And this is his wife and children, not a random friend/

That is NOT needy.
Keeping in touch with your family whilst away should be the norm, not seen as an OTT expectation!

He is a husband and father just as much as he is an employee/worker - surely he'd should be wanting to speak and keep in touch with his wife and children regularly whilst away? Not least his wife, who is at home caring for his children whilst he's away working.

ha I text my partner more than 3 times a day when we’re both working in the same house 😂

yes a plushie to share is ridicolous and is bound to cause arguments

OP says he FaceTimed every day though?

No, OP says he only FaceTimed once the whole time he was away.

It's outrageous. I travel internationally in wildly different time zones. I face time with the kids every day even if it means stepping out of a meeting. And I'd never bring home a toy to share! Has he noticed the second kid came along?

Obviously it’s different if there’s a massive time difference, but OP states there was only 1 hour.

I still can’t understand how your day is so busy you can’t fit a 30 second text in though.

I pity you that you think this. What a shame your own relationship lacks such closeness.

Ah, yes you are quite right. In that case I’ve changed my opinion. I do this kind of travel a lot but always call home every day.

Piss off! Thats the toy for £20??? Where did he buy it from?

I would be angry at that. Has he not got much sense. Two packs of foreign sweets would have been much better

I'm not against 'share' toys. But a plushie is ridiculous.

A game to share would have been fine, he's been really thoughtless.

Also 3 texts are not OTT at all. When i work away i call in the morning when kids are getting ready for school. Also usually when i get back to the hotel room just to say night to DH as kids are usually asleep by the time i've had dinner/drinks