Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

Aka men's insistence on accessing women and children trumping women's and girls' right to privacy and safety again.

So why is it OK for female nursery workers to change the nappies of boys then?
Same thing other way around doesn’t make much sense, I wonder why…

You'd be OK with a place of work stipulating "Only male employees" then?

What a revolting comment.

Nearly all nursery workers are females, s of course they can't have a man if a man's not there.

And very (very) few men choose those jobs because most men aren't paedos.

You can employ a private male nanny. Men rape and sexually abuse children at astronomically higher rates than women so it would be a stupid decision, but it would be up to you.

@Bubblegumtea I think you must be, as a stepfather is not a biological parent.
So to put it in simpler terms for you...
My husband is the biological father of our daughter but not of my two sons.

Yes, because the news this week really shows that all female nursery workers are a shining beacon of perfection.

And go on then, explain why it’s different for a woman to do it? I’ll wait for the usual sexist nonsense

Your argument is pathetic, worry less about being a cool woke mum and more about children's safety. Open your eyes to the reality of these stereotypes and why they exist - stats are available on Google to help.

@Bubblegumtea What's your view on stepparents then? Or can I guess?

It's awful when anyone harms a child.

But surely its worth noting that it's SIGNIFICANTLY more likely to be a man who perpetrates harm to a child than a woman. Why would you be so keen to just turn a blind eye to that?

I work with very vulnerable children. Over the years I've seen and heard of quite a number of men being sacked due to sa grooming and inappropriate behaviour. I've only ever seen it happen once by a woman. Why would you ignore the long term facts to focus on one news story?

Exactly! There are lots of naive parents on here. By way of example, colleague did jury service- all 3 of his cases were child sexual abuse. He was asked to do a fourth and managed to get out of it - he couldn’t face hearing about more SA in detail.

It’s rife. I don’t think people understand just how common it is nowadays. And it is all men.. and they are not all close family members.

@Hellodarknessmyfriend

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

Apart from anything else, the British crime agency estimates that as many as 1 in 35 men have a sexual interest in children.

Surely you understand the very obvious difference between selecting and choosing to employ an individual as a childminder and applying for and accepting a place at a nursery?

In principle, it's like using the services of a driver. If you interview and subsequently decide to employ June or Michael as your chauffeur, you can indeed expect to be driven by that specific person (assuming they are well and not on leave); but if you call Ace Cabs and ask them to take you to the railway station in the morning - even if it's a regular booking for 7:30 every morning - you have no way of knowing which of their existing team of drivers (or indeed any new people who may join the team) will turn up to drive you there. You have a right to expect a competent, DBS-checked, punctual driver, as booked and agreed, but it could be Hitesh, Cathy, Juan, Phil, Bogdan, Kev, Magda or anybody else. You're buying a service; not a personality.

It's not the death of a child, look world wide, or even do a uk search, and over time, the most reacent case isnt the first or the last. Its not even the most shocking. Obviously it's a female lead industry but you'll easily find news of many children being abused or killed by female carers.

I have shocking stories from different nurseries, all about female carers. And when I raised concerns in that nursery I was told to pipe down.

You should be more worried about the high school culture in nurseries than the genitals of who is changing your child.

I expect that's only because these people have easy access to children. The same would apply to male nursery workers

Crazy how there are multiple people on this thread with critical thinking skills which are this poor.

Nursery can’t refuse to employ men, correct. But that is not what is being said, at all. OP isn’t trying to insist that no man works there.

A parent can refuse to consent to a man performing personal care tasks on their child.

A nursery can have a rule that the male workers don’t do nappies (as other posters have said, many nurseries have this
rule).

If I request a female midwife to perform my sweep instead of the male midwife, I’m not saying the male midwife can’t take my blood pressure, and I’m not saying the hospital aren’t allowed to employ male midwives.

”But workplaces can’t discriminate on sex!!!” is really the most basic, empty-headed take on this whole thread. And that’s really saying something tbh considering the level of most posts.

Way to miss the point, since men are not and never have been systemically disadvantaged, and paedophiles are almost all men.

Let me ask you the same way - are you okay with men being allowed to work in rape crisis centres or women's shelters?

@MidnightMeltdown But none of these are fathers or stepfathers?

@NiceBerries way more pedo men!

@Catsmere Do "men's shelters" exist for men who have been abused by women? Genuine question.

They might employ a male nursery nurse the next week. Don't move your daughter away from friends and familiar place for this reason without at least asking the nursery manager if they can accommodate your religious based request.

Good point