Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

I used to be a nurse working in a dementia care ward ,I had to provide intimate care as part of my job ,many patients couldn't consent and didn't like being cleaned and changed, and could be agessive ,but the alternative would be to leave them wet and soiled and that's neglect

And I mentioned a recent case in Ireland where a man raped an estimated 21 vulnerable women with dementia. He was only caught because one woman remembered what had happened.

There are reasons why men should not be alone with a vulnerable woman or child.

Obviously it's not, but should form part of wider safeguarding framework that people are working within.

that’s not what I said you lot are sexualising kids not the men taking on these jobs you the parents automatically thinking that ALL men are paedophiles because he works in child care

The thing don’t we all ‘discriminate’ against men in this type of way even if it’s not intentional.

Eg if you’re walking alone after dark and you hear footsteps behind you, you turn and see who it is, your reaction is going to be very different based on whether you see another female or if it’s a male. No matter how many times you tell yourself ‘not all men, that woman could be dangerous as well’

YABU to assume you would be told of a new employee if you hadn’t previously spoken with the nursery to express your personal/faith-based beliefs, because how would they know about your preferences?

YANBU to ask about their safeguarding policies in relation to intimate care and to withdraw your child from the nursery if you feel these are not stringent enough and that your personally held convictions are being compromised.

That’s it, it’s no more complicated than that. I don’t really subscribe to the ‘she was grumpy, but I was nice’ comment as none of us were there and don’t know how this whole conversation came across. Personally I think there are lots of great men working in caring professions, because I myself have worked with so many, and it’s one eyed to think that they shouldn’t be permitted because some other men have paedophilic tendencies. I wouldn’t like to be tarred with the same brush as people of my same gender/age/nationality/profession etc.

I can't believe so many people on this thread genuinely believe that if a man wants to work in a child-care role, he's a paedophile!!!!

Nobody said this.

There is a difference between MORE LIKELY to sexually abuse a child and all men are pedos.

Learn the difference.

No, we need the work to be properly paid and recognised, to attract more women to it and allow them to make their living at it.

and a trained professional that has been background checked to provide that service as part of a job role.

As we all know, trained professionals are all completely safe and reliable. I offer you Wayne Couzens to start with. Plus all these police officers — and that's just scratching the surface:

https://news.sky.com/story/dozens-of-police-officers-convicted-of-crimes-including-rape-and-sexual-assault-since-sarah-everards-murder-13086063

Or male sugeons sexually assaulting and raping female trainee surgeons:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-66775015

Honestly, did you not read back what you wrote and think eeek — but the papers are full of articles about fine upstanding men who turn out to be sexual predators?

We often get people on mumsnet complaining about the lack of men in child-care/teaching/nurturing roles.

Then we have threads like this. I wonder if there's a correlation??? /s

@Catsmere why don't you want men working with children?? All people, male or female, are DBS checked when working with children.

I’ll state again for the cheap seats you as a PARENT are sexualising children by stating that ALL men are paedophiles when they do a nappy change.

access to children yup to abuse is again done by your husband father, grandfather statically.

Why?

No way would a male be changing my child's nappy and I'm not religious !

The repeated posts that there's "something wrong" with men who want to work in nursery settings and that "no decent man would do it".

If you're a teacher and you've read the thread and this is your take on it, you shouldn't be a teacher. Your reading, comprehension and thinking skills aren't good enough to qualify you to teach.

Please link to three of the 'so many people' pn this thread who believe that if a man wants to work in child care he's a paedophile. Nobody has said that. You've made it up. You need to think better.

Please link to three of the 'so many people' on this thread who say that if a man wants to work in child care he's a paedophile. Nobody has said that. You've made it up.

It's depressing isnt it?

Exactly this. I always have a woman doctor for Internals so why would I have a man wipe my daughter genitalia ! No I would not

And you've not reflected what I said. There are plenty of posts stating what I actually said.

Women and girls have the right to personal care from biological females. This is because men are far more likely to sexually abuse than women. This is a fact. far too many people bury their heads in the sand about this You are right to object. Babies and children are far more vulnerable than women. we need to start putting the safety and dignity of women and girls over and above men's feelings.

Very.

When my “lady bits” needed rebuilding after having DD, I was treated by 8 different gynaes, only 1 was female. It took 7-8 years. I’d probably be 100, or still unable to climb stairs 13 years later if I demanded only to be seen by women.

I'm fully aware of what you are attempting to do thanks. The analogy is still a feeble one, the only comparison is that they both have penises, which seems to be the sole objection in a nutshell on this thread.

At last someone talking sense !

Could you highlight the bit where the poster has said that ALL men are paedophiles when they do a nappy change. Please. I can't seem to find it.

Could you please explain how, if I were to say that all men are paedophiles when they do a nappy change (not something I would ever say, obviously) this would sexualise a child? Would you say that if a father changes a baby's nappy he sexualises his child? What do you mean when you use the word 'sexualise'? Thank you.