Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

The difference is that a baby or toddler won’t care.
A grown woman, or a teen girl, most certainly would.

What is unpleasant or unwarranted about what I said?

You've no idea if a toddler would care. You just know they're too vulnerable to stop him.

I forgot how black and white the Mumsnet community's mindset is.

Easier not to bother.

I wonder where all these people are when women are being berated for allowing their new boyfriend to babysit their children? Because, y'know, not all new boyfiends are pedophiles and you can't go through life not trusting men, can you?

Yes, those pesky unshakable facts. So annoying.

This. You would be asked as an adult if you would prefer a female to do it? Generally in care, male care workers are allocated to male patients/clients and females to females. I recently had gynaecology surgery and was asked before any examination or procedure if I would prefer a female to do it. Why should it be any different for children? OP should be given the option to wether she wants a male worker to change her daughter.

I think you get to have a choice if it’s a valid personal or religious reason. I had an issue with this exact same thing with my oldest daughter. I have sexual abuse in my past and a male nursery worker changing my daughter’s nappy completely freaked me out. I spoke with the nursery manager and told her about my reasons and she understood. My youngest daughter now has a male nursery worker also but she’s toilet trained so I have no issue at all with it and think it’s great to have males in early years.

You get to have a choice if it's your baby and you don't want a man to touch their genitals.

You can't even bring yourself to write 'pervert' in full?

Yes, that's exactly it.

Most child abuse is done by men.

Yeah the right to ask for intimate care to be by a same sex person for adults is to protect the dignity of those for whom it is an issue. Not because the person of the opposite sex will rape the patient.
If this was a common problem that pedophiles become nursery workers, we’d see countless headlines where it has come to light. We don’t (thankfully).
Would people say that women shouldn’t be allowed to teach teenage boys because there are numerous cases of female teachers in their 20s 30s and 40s having sex with teenage boys they teach - at a far greater rate than male teachers with female students?

To stop him from doing what? Abusing her? Or merely changing a nappy in the same way so many fathers and even grandfathers do? Should my dh have refused to change baby Gdds’ nappies, on the odd occasions that he did so?

Yeah, the vast vast majority of whom are not professional childcare workers

Very unreasonable. My childs favourite nursery workers was a man and I think it's important to have male role models in a nursery setting as well as females. Just because hes and man doesn't make him a raging paedophile, im assuming he has all the correct qualifications and DBS checks

Sure I can. Didn't think it was necessary.

And yeah my nephew absolutely loved the male nursery worker in his nursery. He was absolutely awesome. It’s so gross to suggest that men only do that work if they are sexually interested in kids. Thankfully I don’t think people are that sick and stuck in the dark ages in other European countries

Who have you reported? It's unclear.

Back in the day parents would never let their small children go unaccompanied into men's toilets, but were more relaxed about the women's facilities. What did we know then that we have apparently forgotten today?

Oh for goodness sake not this again.

If you don't trust the people looking after your baby for whatever reason, give up your job and look after her yourself.

I'll knock the ball back over the net to you. Most sexual abuse takes place in the home and involves fathers. There will be people reading this who have been raped and sexually assaulted by nice, respectable men they are related to.

To answer your question, some of us who think in this rational, fact-based, safeguarding-orientated way do so because we've seen the damage that rape and sexual assault causes to women and children. And while many of us love and trust the men we love and live with, we do so with an awareness that any man, including the ones we love, the helpful neighbour, the great guy who coaches your daughter's swimming team, our daughter's friend's sweet grandad — is more much more likely to be a sexual predator than any woman you encounter. So we don't trust blindly. For example, we understand that men intent on abuse seek roles where people will trust them: the priesthood, working with vulnerable children in care homes, the police, sports coaches etc.

Have you not watched a million TV shows/ true crime dramas in which the nice family man turns out to be the rapist or murderer? What planet do you live on?

I'd like to say I'd be OK with it and theoretically I would, but in reality, I wouldn't.

I'd be fine with everything else, but not nappy changing and toileting, no.

yabu, the nursery will have safeguarding measures which cover boys and girls and male and female staff alike

It strikes me that this thread demonstrates exactly why over the last five years women's rights have been jettisoned in favour of the feelings of a minority of men.